Trippin on L.S.Meme

⚡ Hello again! 👋😁

It's me: __Lightning Bolt⚡.

I hope you're well!

I feel Captain Fantastic!

Simultaneously, I Feel Sorry for the Evil I Did.

I'm multitextured.

It's been a while since I've produced this meme-ing+bullshit form of entertainment.

But I'm doing it again now, "as we speak" (as they say).

It seems like the right time to write this cockamamie since I'm currently being visited by the ghost of Rodney Dangerfield; the Keebler elves; and 2.7 clowns from a classified comedic clapper company in Cleveland.

It's a long story.

I've been so busy! I explained why I shirked my comedic duties previously and my rationalizations won a Top Story! So that proves something, right?

⚡ 😁👍

Usually I present dozens of WARNINGS before diving into my marvelous memes and ridiculous ramblings. They basically amount to👇--

1. BE WARNED: My humor will endanger your physical, mental, spiritual, and financial health. There will be unpredictable effects to your karma.
2. BE WARNED: My comedy is filthy... one might even say raunchy. There's profanity, vulgarity, salaciousness, lasciviousness, pheromone scent bombs, and a many intense minutes devoted to slobbering on the knob talk. Think of this as an oral presentation even though you're reading it. If you get turned on, it's not your fault. So don't beat yourself up (unless that's your thing.)
3. BE WARNED: You are likely to fall madly in love with me (if you haven't already). It's a well documented phenomenon.

I'd go into greater depth, explaining the dangers of radiation poisoning, and alien contact, and I'd detail the strange psychological risks involved in trying to understand my jokes, but honestly I'm still recovering from that bad batch of 'shrooms I took after hearing the verdict in Diddy's trial.

Wasn't the climax of all that courtroom drama both unexpected and terrible?!?!

I still can't believe it's over.

I thought there would be some kind of closure but...

🤷

😭 😭 😭

Anyway.

I'm still a little emotional. 🥹

And scatterbrained. 😵‍💫😵‍💫

😂😂🤣😂 🤣

🥴

⚡🫠👍

I can't predict when I'll burst into tears.

Or hysterical laughter.

Further, I can't say for certain that my cats shouldn't be able to fly. Do yours chase your ceiling fan?

I keep finding letters written between the kitty litter and the dog bed. That's normal, right?

Did the asparagus call you earlier to gossip about the squash and the brussels sprouts?

Brussels sprouts are just baby cabbages, you know.

Age limits matter.

Ask Jeffery Epstein!

{💭 Oh wait! You can't! He was murdered! 🤷 }

I may have overreacted when I told the Prime Taco Bell Cosmic Entity to "eat my ass" because my campaign to bring back the Meximelt was officially rejected by the Chihuahua in Charge.

{ Side note: my Taco Bell of Tomorrow is currently taking applications for pest control night-shift workers. 🌮🔔}

⚡⚡⚡⚡

I still maintain Diddy's baby oil should speak for itself!!!

❗❗❗⚡ ⚡

⚡

_____M E A N W H I L E

I keep picturing myself on a boat on a river.

I want cookies shaped like elves. Preferably, the tangerine kind, with fudge.

I tell ya: get no respect! I can't even trust my doctor! I called him last week and said, "Doctor, I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills!" He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

You 🫵 know my doctor, right?

Dr. Vinnie Boombatz.

I called him up and said, "Doctor, I've got diarrhea."

He put on hold.

Newspaper taxis appear on my shore.

But they refuse to take me away!

I think that's rude.

I suppose we all need to move on.

So without further phantasmagorical fanfare, here are the memes!

{Every meme presented here is of legal age. None of these memes were ever affiliated with Trump or his creepy pal.}

⚡ _______________⚡

#1 - for 'art' buffs

Personally, I have bad brains and can't drive-- pickup truck or anything else.

I walk everywhere I need to go.

And no, that is not a third leg I have hidden.

⚡ 😏👍

⚡ _______________⚡

#2 - for the writers among you (all of you)

The First Rule of Rhyming Club.

Snub

the hubbub

of Thesaurus Club

"Thesaurus" rhymes with nothing.

⚡ _______________⚡

Writers should also know this...

Hm.

🤔 { This meme seems familiar.}

For me, I'd say 88% of my time is avoiding the same word, instead of 95%, because at least 7% of my time is spent looking for my mouse.

⚡ _______________⚡

#86 - This meme is FLAGGED! Verification needed!

A butterfly?

Is this meme serious?

I always trust my memes!

But... a butterfly?!?

🙄

I see someone getting a blowjob.

Maybe I still have leftover Diddy acid in my bloodstream after all.

<I'm indecisive about whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. >

⚡ _______________⚡

#00322 - while we're on the topic...

That's☝ also a great tip on saving time.

{ Am I numbering this correctly? }

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#337- still on the subject of fellatio (of course)

I love the idea of all the additional muscles being rubbed. But how much is 30 pounds (or whatever that is) in American money?

I'm on a budget and I needs to know.

⚡ _______________⚡

#15 - I misunderstand more than I think

Isn't pie supposed to be spelled 'pie2', only the 2 is really tiny?

On the quantum level, isn't pie the grass root of all charts and graphs?

🤔

⚡😁👍

Maybe I'm not as high as I think I am!

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#7 - Blowjobs are ordained by God.

My memes have got me seeing cock-sucking everywhere.

It's like, what's the psychological term for my condition?

Projection?

Wishful thinking?

Blue balls?

🤷

The bananas in the kitchen just started crying for my attention.

I don't know if I'm fucked up or if this is my normal.

I need a cucumber to call me for a consultation.

Asparagus doesn't have the answers I'm seeking.

⚡ _______________⚡

DON'T FORGET!

NOTE TO SELF: This place just opened around the corner from Dick's Trading Goods. I think they're linked somehow

INVESTIGATE. 🌈

⚡ _______________⚡

Oh wow!

🤯

💭 Someone just called me. I need to answer quite slowly...

😵‍💫

I think just saw Timothy Leary!

He was towering over my head!

I should chase after him!

Don't do drugs.

Especially bad batches of schrooms.

You can identify bad schrooms both by their musical selections and their past associations with sex offenders.

⚡ _______________⚡

#27 - am I numbering this right? Which way is left?

That picture☝ is only sexist when it's taken out of context. I assure you, there is also a Clitheroine Lane on the other side of town.

It will come as no surprise to you that I'm a clit hero myself.

My tongue has super speed and my lightning rod is capable of wonders undreamed of by mortal women.

But I don't like to brag.

⚡ 😎👍

⚡ _______________⚡

#3- Little Known Fact: Dewey was bare-ass naked when created his decibel system.

Reminder- It's time to renew my library card!!!

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#22 - Deanie's the bomb

Okay. 🙄

SHIT! 😮‍💨

I admit it. I'm hearing leprechauns constantly whine about Marvel Phase Four. And I'm smelling words with the letter 'w' in them. Clearly, I'm still warped up on those bad(?) magic mushrooms.

So that (seafood🤢) place is offering a dozen fat juicy females?

🤔

But does that guarantee at least twelve legs?

I've been taken by scams like that before.

And are the juicy females alive?

That's very important.

I'm 'vocal.media/authors/lightning-bolt⚡' not 'vocal.media/authors/hannibal-lecter'.

⚡ _______________⚡

#1776 - Shameless Plug

Ridiculing an eagle is rude.

The weight of being a national symbol is heavy.

And predators gotta prey.

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#63- Oh, wow! Serenity makes sense!

Sweet Mother of Jellyfish!

Just when I was certain that psilocybin had totally beclizmigflickfuggug'gugtlezodoodled my vocalubary to the point of no return, these memes start making sense to me again!

Pass the self-centered-satisfaction-with-salsa, please!

{ I love my cognitive clarity. }

DISCLAIMER: I made up the word "vocalubary" but it basically means jihlertoam.

⚡ _______________⚡

#127 - mmmmmmmmmmmm

Caption this: When you're vegan☝, but want the experience of being treated like a piece of meat in the shower.

~~--- Meanwhile---~~ the potatoes and onions sit across the aisle in their dry bags, so close to paradise... and yet so far.

Rabbit holes

Abysses

There's no safe solid ground.

⚡ _______________⚡

#Trinity +

Let there be linen!

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Oh God!

🫨

I really do think there is something wrong with me.

~~!~~(*)~~~ @@~😵‍💫

Did the Abyss☝ just look at my ass⚡ while I was looking at it?

Wow!

Until one minute twenty seven seconds ago, Planet of the Apes was one of my favorite movies of all time! Then, this meme 👇 came across my radar....

Yeah, for real; Daddy has issues. I think the Diddy after-trial-mourning has forever fried my brain.

"Forever" defined as "who the fuck knows how long?"

⚡

WAIT

Are you talking to meme?

Yes...

Who's using my blockquote feature?

Ussssss!

"Who's 'us'?"

THE MEEEEEEMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Makes sense.

Okay. I'm chagrined.

My own petty delusions do seem trivial compared to the old school hallucinaters.

All so young.

Mostly girls.

Generally able to sing in the face of deadly peril.

All batshit crazy.

We should all come together now and sing Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.

Wasn't that inspirational?

We all have ambitions.

I think this ☝ was a meme I made myself for myself seven years ago!

Holy fuck!

What kind of hypocrite have I become in the last seven minutes?

Questioning whether or not I should hallucinate is like Melania Trump questioning whether or not she should have signed a prenup!

I'm better when I'm blitzed.

I'd say I'm blitzkrieged but I have a very peaceful nature.

If I make less sense than usual today because I'm tripping my balls off with all these elves, that's an asset in this Community, not a determent!

It's all how you unlook at things.

UNLEASH THE PSYCHEDELICS, AND LET SLIP THE ACORNS OF WARM!

⚡ _______________⚡

#🌈 -

GRNDR: "We've got the package you really need! Please verify you are 18 years of age."

⚡ _______________⚡

#37- Wow!

The rabbit already went there and reported back.

It's believable.

Old hat, as a matter of fact (albeit a mad hat.)

The only mystery is: what time does it close?

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#64 - ruff! RUFF!

An emotional support cat is worse.

At the first sign of need, it just pisses on your leg and struts away.

Studies show most people name these cats after their ex.

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#1961 - Hey, hey. hey!

They were sowing their wild oats. They gambled on each other. They promised they wouldn't change in midstream.

Their hearts were like hoof-beats, becoming a cantor, then a gallop, racing ever faster.

And then, just as they neared the finish line, one of them totally wrecked the mood by suggesting they invite E.L. James to ride them both.

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#1988 - This makes me sorrowful that I never had kids

These memes are stupid

My comments are stupider

Laugh, my reader, laugh!

⚡ _______________⚡

#7/26, 1979 - A Date that will Live in Infamy

The Linda Lovelace's Throat candle smells way better because it doesn't make you gag like Ron's scent.

Although... 🤔 strangely enough, when the L.L. candle is burning, it sounds like the wick is gagging. 🕯

🤔🤔🤔🤔

🤷‍♂️

⚡ _______________⚡

#692^v for those of you ready for a climax💥❗

I prefer the "Here Cums the Fun- or whatever the Beatles said" candle. It has a more vintage scent.

The "Cum, Flail Away -or whatever Styx meant" version is the candle to use when you want to carry on and on.

⚡ _______________⚡

👇 IT'S IMPORTANT TO GET YOUR PERCENTAGES RIGHT 👇

Being an effective comedy writer means spending at least 27% of your time trying not to share the same meme more than once in a routine.

<sigh>

I failed.

😢 😢

😭😭😭😭

I'm bad at organized humor.

And I need to allocate my time better. Once the Diddy after-trial-halluci-juice finally leaves my system and the asparagus stops singing about f-... 😵 Wait!

Suddenly, someone is there at the turnstile!

It's Doctor Vinnie Boombatz!

Hell yeah!

I've finally stopped tripping!

HEADLINE: Diddy was framed!

I appreciate the support you showed me throughout my schroomazing withdraw.

I'm fine now.

And with that, I bid you,

Goodnight.

⚡ _______________Bolt⚡

💭 Did I number those☝ right? 🤷

References