The Meme-ing of Life is to Find Your Gift; The Purpose of Memes are to Give Them Away

Hey there! 👋😁⚡

Phone a friend! Tell your neighbors! Harass your in-laws!

I'm back with a repeated edition of Meme-ing Madness!!!

I'm _Lightning Bolt⚡ I have superpowers. My personality is electric!

Here's what I do: I harvest memes off social media and compile them for your entertainment!

It's thankless work, but someone has gotta do it.

Full Disclosure: This particular installment isn't exactly new. Vocal didn't have a Humor Community a couple years ago. I originally had to post this shit in the Journal Community. Or the Humans Community. This one was published in Fiction! All of those Communities had/have a humor tag.... but Comedy truly belongs here, in the Humor Community.

So now I'm moving it.

⚡_______________⚡

Guess what just happened to me?

Just yesterday, a brand-new edition of this lame comedy series won a TOP STORY AWARD!!!

Amazing, right?

I certainly was blown away.

That was the new jokes though. This is old shit ⚡😁👇 (with a just few new tweaks added.)

If you've seen this episode before-- so sorry. I'm lazy.

If you haven't seen this episode before-- laugh it up! I'm amazing!

⚡😉👍

The Standard W A R N I N G applies: this shit is wimpy, worthless, and weak. It will probably become salaciousness at times and could possibly include double entendres, although that's doubtful because I don't speak French. Bad puns are assured! If you're turned on by someone with a fantastic sense of humor, you're probably going to fall hopelessly in love with me. 💕🤷‍♂️💕 I can't be held financially responsible for people who respond to my phenomenal jokes by feeling smitten, cootie-ridden, enamored, high, horny, discombobulated, confounded, fearful, furious, or jealous. Jealousy is expected. Just don't make the mistake of thinking I'll to do anything to placate your feelings.

Are we good?

Okay then! ⚡😁👍 Let's get this rodeo started! Hold onto your hats, kids, because this one is about as predictable as a bucking bronco!

Be safe out there!

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#1- — feeling punny

(I warned you this would happen, right at the outset ☝️)

Sluggish luggage makes me cry.

😭😭😭😭😭

Why is it you can never find a good therapist for your duffle bag?

Hm ... 🤔🤔

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#2- — feeling sociable

"And the Best Cthulhu Impressionist Award goes to .... NANCY!!!"

👏👏👏👏👏😁⚡

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#3- — feeling the need to boast

Me 👇 responding to this Freada chick ....

"You should!!! Some of us have to coil it all the way down our leg!"

⚡😁👍

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#4- — for the older folk

We call ourselves the Illuminaknee!

⚡😁👍

I'm such a comfort, don't you think?

Hm... 🤔🤔🤔🤔

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#5- — and then came that pivotal moment on Facebook (we've all had them 🤷‍♂️) when this electrifying 👇 meme crossed my radar & Changed My Life Forever⚡⚡⚡!

One of my friends said their 'pettiest reason not to date somebody' was because...

"They are imaginary."

I responded...

That never stopped me, man. What's that old saying? "Imaginary is in the eye of the beholder"?

Another friend said they thought it was petty that, "The caretaker refuses to let me dig her up."

Some people were shocked by that answer ☝️.

Personally, I was sympathetic, responding...

Ironic, isn't it, that someone who supposedly cares is such a cock-blocker. Life is full of surprises. So is death.

Another friend said his pettiest reason for not dating was that his wife was mean.

I didn't think that was petty at all. I don't have a wife, but I have seen a shit-ton of movies (including The Stepford Wives), so I was sympathetic. I told him that his reason was actually scary, not petty.

Time and again, people thought their answers were petty, but they really didn't seem all that petty to me.

Still another internet friend (I have gazillions) wrote that they wouldn't date someone because of "How they put the toilet paper on the roll…"

I counseled them...

Some things are seriously worth fighting for.

Another friend said they wouldn't date someone because, "They smoke."

I was confused and asked...

From which orifice?

But a couple answers were unmistakably petty, without a doubt. For instance, one of my friends actually had the audacity to say they wouldn't date someone because said-someone is "into astrology."

I told them that was "Harsh, dude!" and I assumed, "You're either a Leo or Libra, aren't you?"

A lady friend observed, "He sounds more like a Scorpio or Capricorn."

I testified then, telling her, "I live with a Capricorn, and I can personally attest they are entirely too focused on work to give a damn about astrology."

The original astrology-denier replied, "Grew up thinking I was a Taurus, but my family wasn't into astrology. I was actually a Gemini. But obviously that doesn't explain anything."

I immediately fired back, "I think that explains a hellava lot! You grew up thinking you're a Taurus and you're actually a Gemini?!? So, you're basically in denial that you're of TWO MINDS???" 😐

I rarely shout like that in text, but that level of obtuseness gets my blood boiling.

But then sympathetically, I said...

No one likes admitting they're wrong, dude. I'll pray for you.

Honestly, I felt personally validated over here as an Aquarius, rooting for the underdog ⚡😁👍

_____

Seeing how good I am at this validation shit, do you ⚡🫵 think I might have a future as a therapist?

I really think I have a knack for soothing people's doubts about themselves!

Except for that one Gary in Florida, of course.

But he's a dick.

____________

Such a simple one-sentence meme ☝️ and yet it just might lead to a meaningful career change for me.

Right now, this 👇 is the best I can say for myself.

Consider yourself in the presence of make-believe Vocal royalty!

!!!!👑!!

⚡😁👍

You're welcome!

⚡_______________⚡

#6- — for my beloved (and endowed) fellow writers

Especially authors of Happy Endings!!!

Am I right?

⚡😁👍

— feeling accomplished.

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We Pause Your Regularly Scheduled Memes for This Public Service Affirmation...

You are POWERFUL (whatever your circumstances may be)!!!

You Got This!

{{ — That meme ☝️ does not refer to electrical outlets or actual _lightning strikes⚡🌩️ !— }}

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#7- — feeling foul

"And why the Hell are you wearing Groucho Marx glasses?!? You think you're a duck? You're in hot soup, clucker!"

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#8- — for my fans planning their weddings (Congratulations!)

Some people are overly picky. Birds are birds, right?

I mean, sure, penguins 🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧 would be more appropriately 'dressed' for a wedding, but they're also more likely to hump the ice sculpture.

And nobody wants that.

Ostriches seem like a perfectly acceptable choice to me.

*******

*🤔💭 Yep! I could definitely be a therapist, for real! 💭

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#9- — feeling like Lynn Wimmer needs an editor

"We're sorry," would mean you're talking about "catS" not a single cat. That's bad grammar right there 🙄☝️.

And cats can't talk.

Duh!

Obviously, these so-called 'veterinarians' have never spent time with any actual catS.

Stupid shit irritates me. Now that I stop to think about it... 🤔 ...that might be the source of my own self-loathing! 🤔

Wow!!!

🤯 🤯🤯🤯

I'm even a therapist to myself!!!!

Am I good or what?!?!

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#10- — for art lovers

One of my gazillion Internet friends insists this 🙄☝️ is a Monet, but I'm convinced it's a Pablo Peecasso.

😂🤣😂😂🤣

(I told you there would be piss poor puns in the WARNING at the top of the program. 🤷‍♂️)

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#11- — for the hard-working first-shift-workers who fuck up people's breakfast

You know what? Go ahead and try that excuse about the sun. ☝️🙄 It could work. 🤷‍♂️ Maybe. The boss depicted in that meme 🙄☝️ probably has some kind of ESP, which isn't very realistic.

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And finally...!!!

(I usually do twelve memes. It's exhausting.)

#12- — for In-The-Know Film Buffs

Steal this 🙄☝️ meme, post it on Facebook, and watch everybody and their cousin say, "Star War".

Like... Duh!

⚡_______⚡

My list is long and auspicious!

👇 Check this shit out!

__________________⚡

A Steppingstone on the River Kwai

A Quiet Instant on the Western Spot

The Unicycle Thief

Singin' Under A Droplet

S*S*S*S* (Stationary Soldier Surgical Scalpel*)

( * It's a M*A*S*H joke. No one gets it.)

One Likes It Hot

National Lampoon's Animal Room

Pulp Sentence

Gone With A Puff

North By Nothing Else

The Single Samurai

T- The Terrestrial

The Breakfast Cub

The Sixth (Minus Five) Sense

That One Incantation of Oz

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Nothing

It Didn't Happen One Night (Does that make sense? It's late and I'm tired.)

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Garage

Planes Without Trains or Automobiles

(...or maybe that should be just be 'Plane.' Period. But then it gets all confusing because readers might mistake it for 'Plane of the Ape', instead of Planet of the Apes. And wouldn't 'Plane of the Ape' make people think I am dyslexic (I am) and trying to spoof Snake on a Plane? 😥 Comedy is complicated. And no, I do not overthink things, thank you very much! You're not the therapist here. I am!)

___________

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking...

This dude can't do genre flicks!

Well, you're wrong!

____⚡__

De-pluralized Westerns 👇 ...

The Gun of Navalone

A Fistful of One Penny

The Good is Bad Ugly

Dancing Alone on the Corpse of a Wolf

True Granule

Kidless Butch Cassidy

A Zolitary Mule for Zizter Zarah (it's all about eliminating the s's)

Once Upon a Time in the Wet

Tagecoach

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De-pluralized Stephen King 👇 ...

Salem's Not So Much

Pet Grave

Minimum Overdrive

Doctor Nap

Only Child of the Cornstalk

Sparkstarter

The Dark Whole

The Green Inch

The Stationary Man (Running requires multiple legs)

Delore Claiborne (it's all about eliminating the s's)

________________

De-pluralized Disney 👇 ...

Swiss Bachelor Robinson

The Jungle Sentence

Bamhetero (it's so sad when her mama is killed with a single shot! 😭😭)

Peter Jack-off ( if he were Pansexual, he'd be hooking up with everybody.)

1 Dalmatian (too obvious? I'm tired!)

Flake White and No Dwarves

The Beauty with no Breasts

Mary Pop

The Sword Without a Stone

The Lady Who Was a Tramp

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Okay, so I'm out of obscure inside-joke genre-movie lists but... 🤔 here's a few final de-pluralized film titles to beat this dead horse even deader.

_🐎🐴

🩸🩸🩸

The 300 Minuz 299

When Sally Was Stood Up

When Harry Died

The Penny of the Zierra Madre

Fahrenheit 1

The Godfather: Part Only

One Thought for Only an Inztant about Flying Over the Cuckoo'z Nezt

... and, of course....

The One Commandment!!!

___________________

That last one of mine ☝️ is no better than Star War, no; you got that right. I'm exhauzted, okay? Let's see what YOU got! Respond in the Comments with your own de-pluralized moviez. And no 'Close Encounter of the Third Kind'! It would be 'Close Encounter of the First Kind'!

Despite what you've heard, DEPURALIZING IS NOT JUST ABOUT ELLIMINATING THE S'S!!!!

⚡_______________⚡

Okay. So... 🤔...

I usually do a dozen of these per collection and that's twelve. I should be done here. But I know how some of you people are. You'll be like....

"Two of those memes are from the same Carroll Veterinary Clinic! 😐 ...And neither one of them actually qualifies as a true meme!"

Well, you're just wrong about them not being memes! That's pure social media gold right up there, baby! ☝️ But you are right that two come from the same place.

So.

Here's one more 👇... just to keep things civil between us.

___________

Alternate#12 (or #13, depending on how you look at it)

That sign does make sense if you think about it. 🤔 Before the Dungeon Master can even say "roll for initiative"... squirrels will bite you. 🐿️

—feeling rabid and craving nuts

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Now we're done for real! I know parts of this episode truly sucked ass. I wrote it a couple years ago. Reading it myself again in November 2024, I have no clue what a lot of it means. (memes)

I do what I can, okay? Comedy is hard.

My goal is to overthrow the Humor Community in a bloodless coup.

We'll see what happens.

NEW Meme-ing Madness will be compiled soon! Subscribe! There are many other installments already written that are every bit as dicey as this☝. Read them all (in any order) or you could cause a resurgence of Covid.

Maybe. A doctor told me that. Don't shoot the messenger.

As always, I thank you for...

😮😮😮😮😮

Oh SHIT!!!

I totally forgot the obligatory superheroine appearance!!!

I make these skits seem easy but they're not. 😥 And now that I'm branching out as a therapist, it's even harder to pull it off. There's a lot of pressure to perform at this extraordinary level!

That's 🙄☝️ 'Writer's Speak' for...

"Dammit! I fucked up again!"

⚡

Save me, Wonder Woman!!!

Eye Candy Insertion Complete!

<whew>

... thank you kindly for your support!

_______________Bolt⚡