Smile like You Meme it! ⚡😎👍

Hello again! 👋😁⚡

I'm __Lightning Bolt.

If you don't know who I am by now, shame, shame! I'd put a curse on you but I'm a superhero, so I'm obligated not to be that petty. Seriously, though... do your homework.

Discover Me {See my profile.} ⚡

I'll blow your circuits, if not your mind.

My typically superb sketches will be presented momentarily. It's premium stuff of the highest quality.

Hold on to your ass or you'll laugh it off.

Let's keep it civil and not get into another long debate in the comments about my steadfast belief that this shit is 'superb' or constitutes 'high quality'.

For some reason <sigh> certain doctors & lawyers insist I always begin my humor with a...

W A R N I N G

I'm getting sick of warning you about all the piddly shit people insist on being warned about. Rape, incest, cigarette smoking, drug use, high calories, profanity, obscenity, vulgarity, cussing, fussing, redundancies, ambiguities, atrociousness, assholiness, expectation dates, side effects, explosive isotopes, grandiose pronouncements, bad grammer, dicklash spelling, confusion between they'res theirs & theres, and all the typical toxicity that polite civilized people find appalling--> it's all here in spades.

I'm not polite or tamed.

Don't go judging me for writing this shit, and I won't judge you 🫵 for reading it.

There are always sex jokes.

It's who I am.

The __Bolt in my name is there for more than one reason.

Be careful or I'll stick to your soul like Velcro.

End of Warning.

Damn, that shit gets old.

You'd think grown adults would be able to unexpectedly consume psychedelics, or risk serious radiation poisoning, or read words without throwing a hissy fit about it.

🤷

People are a mystery.

Oh wait!

Doh! 🫢🫣🤭

There's another thing I am supposed to W A R N you about.

🐻 Bears have taken this story over. I couldn't stop them. Their opinions do not necessarily reflect the author's own. 🐻

Anyway...

Here are the Memes!!! ⚡😁👍

⚡_______________⚡

#1) — Feeling Educational

The third penis gets both the titty fuck and the fellatio.

It's true. You can look it up on Google if you don't believe me.

#3rdinline

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#2) — Feeling Nostalgic

And people say that romance is dead!

🤣😂😂

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#3) — Feeling 💔 for the Isolated

It's right next to a similar receptacle that reads...

LetsTRASHer

But don't judge.

Look more closely at that location. 👆😐⚡

It's a barren spot with very few people living there, so the few sex-deprived residents do what they can to advertise.

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#4) — Thinking People on the Internet Aren't Real Bright (and don't even have the right priorities)

I'd chose this song (Time is Standing Still)⚡ 😁👇, put it on repeat, and then fuck for three hours before I gave up the ghost!

And if you don't think that I can fuck for three hours when I control the temporal dimension, oh Good Lord! TRY ME!

I can go that long now!

I'm a _lightning-charged muscle man!

But I use my superpowers only for good and never for evil.

⚡🤔

⚡😏

Unless maybe you have the perfect charging port for me to plug into.

I'm a retired superhero, so we can negotiate.

⚡😉👍

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#5) — Feeling Purple & Overfilled

"Fill with your favourite homemade sauce"???

If someone ever filled one of those with catsup, I'd be traumatized, especially if they used it on a hotdog! 😨😱

I'd probably hide away for a week wearing an iron cup.

⚡______________⚡

We Pause For This Public Service Apology

The mind-image of that purple shaft squirting catsup should never have been discussed here. I acknowledge my reckless inappropriate spontaneity.

I just don't know how to stop it.

I offer this 👇 as an apology...

You'll note there is no caption on those.

That's not a meme.

That's a picture of my lunch.

They were all the same size and that's kind of a downer, but I love the way they gush!

I sincerely hope that these delicious wieners help you forget all about that purple thing.

⚡_______________⚡

#6) (B-1)— Feeling Bears Have Every Right to Loathe that Little Cunt

Those three bears were just minding their business in their own home until Goldilocks came along to fuck up their world.

It's sad how fairy tales always get the protagonists and antagonists confused.

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#7) (B-2)— Didn't Know Bears Were Such a Keen Judge of Character

Mixed messages or unfulfilled goals, Kevin?

He needs to get his shit together.

When bears are wearing sweaters, you know it's cold outside!

🥶🥶🥶🥶⚡

Fuck winter.

⚡_______________⚡

#8) (B-3)— Feeling Unsympathetic

That bear simply has impaired scent perception because he has fucked-up sinuses.

Paws are the worst when you're trying to open up jars of Vick's vapor rub.

Every day, Bears remind us humans to never take our opposable thumbs for granted.

⚡_______________⚡

#9) — Feeling Froggy

____En garde! 🤺⚔⚡

You don't scare me, scum inn shack!

You're a pitiful excuse for a structure and your foundation has cracks bigger than the San Adreas Fault! Puny-ass flea-ridden flophouse!

Your doorman is named Gary!!!

Your electric lines probably don't even channel electricity! ⚡⚡👆 ⚡ They sure don't attract any birds!

Why is that? ⚡🤔

Don't you come at me, you hostile hostel! Especially when you can't even Google up the right spelling for our duel!

It's FRENCH!

It's spelled "En garde!"

It basically means: "I'm here to fuck you up!"

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do: demolish you!

First, I'll shatter your windows (at least up to the second story).

Then I'll go ballistic on your car port! 🤺⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️⚡

And when I come for your lobby, you're going to regret...!!!

🫤

Seriously, DON'T sign?!?

I was looking forward to decimating this egomaniacal B&B!

You spoil all my fun.

🙄⚡

Oh, all right.

<sigh>

I won't.

{That damn hotel should be glad the DONT sign has its back.}

⚡_______________⚡

#10) (B-4)— Worried about the Future of Bear/Human Relations

I'm trying to be an advocate for bears during this whole episode of Meme-ing Madness, but this ⚡☝️ feels like the bears are trying to use me.

Are they trying to manipulate my memes into justifying premeditated murder?

Even the crows didn't do that when I gathered a whole bunch of them together.

No more bears! 🙎‍♂️

The sugar puffs I had planned now won't be served.

I'm done.

I thought Pooh taught these bitches better manners.

⚡_______________⚡

#11) — Feeling OG

If you're the terrorist (or my ex-bf, or the ex-gf) who sabotaged my WiFi to silence me, it won't do you any good!

Daddy perseveres!

I just feel sorry for the mailmen. Their workload will be dramatically increased.

⚡_______________⚡

<....first it was that hotel and now the memes themselves are coming at me...>

After I steal a certain number of them off Facebook, the memes always get testy.

But they aren't the boss of me!

Fuck you, Shakespearian wannabe meme, and the horse you rode in on!

Thou Mayest Choke on the Johnsons of Knaves!

❤️

⚡_______________⚡

#12) — Feeling like a Spelunker

Daddy is so thick, I'll still fill you right up, baby.

I got ya, girl.

⚡_______________⚡

#13) — Wondering How Many Arms it Takes Wrapped Around You to Feel Fully Loved

We should do more to help insects survive the winter.

How do spiders survive the winter anyway?

{I'm too lazy right now to Google it.}

I barely survive the winter with long underwear, a vaporizer (for the steam), and a heating blanket! My hands and arms (and ears, and shoulders, and toes) are always cold.

Spiders are Amazing.

Why do people suffer from arachnophobia?

Here's a lighthearted tale I wrote about superpowers and spiders. ⚡😁👇

Webs Don't Bind Us?

Have you ever noticed that if you add few extra arms to a hug, it becomes clutching?

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#14)— Feeling Accomplished

We've always said it for the exact same reason: because we just shared our 14th meme in a row.

I hate stupid questions.

BOOM! shakalaka!!!

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#15) — Feeling Flirtatious

If this 👆 is the sad state of your affairs, hit me up in the comments and we'll figure something out.

I linger.

I do not just cruise through.

Spending time with me crackling in bed kinda feels like.... ⚡😁👇

And we're done here!

Until Next Time...

______________ Bolt ⚡

SUBSCRIBE!

If you pledge to me, I'll write comedy just for you and rename two of my three cats after whoever you want! {except Donald; —yes, I'm a ho but I still have a few standards.} ⚡😁👍

Here's a few more giggles 👇 ....