⚡WARNING❗BE DETERRED❗ MEME-ING ALERT❗❗❗

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡ ⚡WARNING: This story has entirely too many WARNINGS! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!!

THIS IS NOT A TEST!

{ It's more like a trial.}

⚡ __________________⚡

⚡ Hello again! 👋😁

It's me: __Lightning Bolt⚡.

WARNING: It really is me. I'm not one of those fake versions of me who has lots of money. 🤷

It was just eighteen days ago when I brought you my last episode of Meme-ing Madness! At the time, I was tripping my balls off on bad magic mushrooms. There was nothing magical about them. In fact, they were barely mystifying.

It's a long story.

If you're inclined to do so, you can check out my whole psychedelic experience just below. It comes with the appropriate music. There are guest appearances by Keebler elves and the ghost of Rodney Dangerfield.

No wonder everyone loved it so much, huh?

Check it! 👇

I think I've recovered from that whole Diddy after-trial drug-induced cathartic shindig. It's actually hard to tell, if I'm being honest. It's my brain that I use to assess things. So if my brain was permanently damaged by bad schrooms, wouldn't that make it highly unlikely that I could determine it's been damaged by bad schrooms?

It's the Butterfly Effect.

WARNING: I will often mislabel paradoxes and various other phenomenon.

So after my last meme-ing extravaganza, it came to my attention in the comments that I didn't WARN people properly about all that could go wrong by experimenting with my silliness. Someone said, and I quote...

"OMG! I don't even know where to begin. First, there needs to be a full disclaimer. I nearly lost my coffee out my nose."

OOG!

There's a lot to unpack in that comment☝.

If you're wondering where to begin, I suggest the beginning.

More importantly, you shouldn't say "OMG!" The politically correct exclamation is now "OOG!". That stands for, "Oh, Our God!" Because He's my God too, you know?

WARNING: Selfishness is unbecoming.

It is acceptable to say "Oog" so it's a rhyme of stooge.

Next, you suggest I give "a full disclaimer"?!?

Are you mad?!? (Self-explanatory, I know, since you're reading my stuff.)

That's going to take a lot of time and effort! A "full disclaimer" means this entire edition of Meme-ing Madness is likely to be a disclaimer.

WARNING: This entire edition of Meme-ing Madness is a disclaimer.

And then comes the real distressing part.

He nearly lost his coffee through his nose?👃

Okay. So here's a new ALERT❗

⚡WARNING: My comedy and coffee apparently don't mix. Personally, I wouldn't know. I don't drink coffee. But I have it on good authority that this is true. The Author recommends that

1. You don't drink coffee. Try Mt. Dew instead. Don't let the green color dissuade you. It's quite tasty.
2. Use nose plugs and refrain from breathing. {And/or}
3. Do both☝, in case one of the two doesn't work alone.

WARNING: Mt Dew causes dementia in lab rats. It might also adversely affect mountains. When taken with Taco Bell products, it makes for a tasty combo meal that is both addictive and toxic.⚡😁👍 ~May Contain Genie Piss!~

⚡__________________⚡

So.

You've read my previous comedy, correct?

WARNING: Don't proceed further until you've read my previous editions of Meme-ing Madness, many of which won Top Story awards.

As long as you have known me, there has been one WARNING that has been standard, from the very beginning. It should go without saying and yet, it probably bears repeating again & again.

These things are delicate.

W A R N I N G:

By reading this hilariousness, you will become emotionally attached to me. The only question is: how intense will be the initial allure? Your feelings might start as a hard crush or a wet infatuation. You'll probably admire me. (Who wouldn't?) You may initially kid yourself that "you just want to be friends." Whatever. It's all a slippery slope to Lasting Love❤. I dare not even show you my superheroic physique {See Below} because that will just add powerful lust into the mix. There is no reason to be ashamed of your uncanny attraction. Where I'm concerned, stronger people that you have fought their urges and lost. Some guys are just devilishly handsome, fly as fuck, too sexy for their keyboard... and I'm one of those guys. So don't beat yourself up if you fall for me. My sense of humor is electric, one could even say electromagnetic. ⚡😎👍

Basically, I'm an irresistible force of nature.

Queue the thunder.

WARNING: The following video makes pets jump. Cats run away. Dogs need comforting.

WARNING: I already said "fuck" once and it's highly likely I'll say it again. Profanity shall rain upon thee like a shitstorm.

WARNING: I'm not sure if 'shit-storm' should be spelled with or without a hyphen.

Screw it. Let's just jump right into some memes and we'll figure this out as we go along.

WARNING: The chances of me figuring anything out are slim.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #1 annoys me, because I take it personally

First, I did go to a doctor and he referred me to an exorcist.

Then I went to an exorcist and he told me to see a doctor!

Third, they're both expensive.

So I ultimately decided just to live with the consequences of my overly-healthy appetite.

If you 🫵 want to pay for a third option, I'm all ears.

Also, I am not a buffalo!

I'm just hung like one.

⚡😎👍

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #2 is just Common Scents

Writers— are you with me?

Auto Correct should know what we mean, not what we right!

WARNING: Auto correct was a concept originally conceived by Alistair Crowley or somebody like that. It's all part Satan's long-term plan working with Elon Musk to rebrand Hell as Heck.

⚡______________ ⚡

WARNING: Meme #3 is Poe-etic

You🫵 expect my memes to be disappointing, right?

Good for you! 🙌

That makes you a realist, not a fatalist. Although, one does have to wonder why a reader expects me to be a disappointment and yet keeps returning for more.

It's something sexual, right? It's always something sexual in the end.

That's perfectly natural.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #4 is my attempt to remake the world in my image

The memes make me laugh, but so do I!

#LivingTheMeme #HorrorIsMyMiddleName #PersistenceIsEasierOnSchrooms

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #5 annoys me because it makes me feel constrained

Swap 'fava beans and a nice Chicanti' to 'Taco Bell value meal and a large Mt Dew' and Hannibal's story is basically the same as mine.

Being misunderstood comes at a price.

And far too often, that price is a straight jacket.

{CAUTION: Taco Bell & Mt Dew are the Bonny & Clyde of dietary fashion.}

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #6 aggravates me because it proves I'm horrible at encouraging my tribe

WARNING: For this meme to be fully accurate, there needs to also be a white slice that's a part of that pie. Then in the legend on the left, there needs to be a black box labeled, "Impresses the Chicks."

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Shit happens.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Comedy appears easy, but it's actually quite hard. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #7 is just plain baaaaaaaa d.

{Related WARNING: I clearly don't know enough about the differences between sheep and deer to make educated jokes about them.}

Amen, Bambi! 🙌

I Am who I Misunderstand I Am.

WARNING: I misunderstand what that means.

A misunderstanding is exactly why I got into the meme-ing business in the first place! I'm both simultaneously moronic and brilliant enough to know I'm funny!

Kinda.

WARNING: I'm more deranged than funny, as the evidence clearly shows.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #8 urges you 🫵 to Stand Back!!!

Their lost.

But I really didn't want to go swimming today anyway.

⚡️😎👍

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #9 is annoying because it underestimates my power

It's actually closer to, like, 9 people who like what I write. Check the hearts at the bottom for the exact count.

And don't judge solely by what you see down there because waaaay more people like me on Facebook than here on Vocal, k?

Also-- WARNING: in truth, I do like to brag. A lot.

You'd brag too if you were a multi-talented comedic genius with genitalia as large as mine.

⚡😎👍

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #10 annoys me because it looks more like a drawing than a reliable photograph

Discoveries like that☝will ultimately make Jeff Goldblum a billionaire.

WARNING: Jeff Goldblum is a really corrupt Wizard of Oz! He's not who he appears to be! He can not be trusted!

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #11 is annoying because it makes it seem like I'm a braggart.

{WARNING: I do like to brag a lot.}

WARNING: I actually do like to brag. I brag all the time. I'm exceptional at it. Especially in the bedroom. Didn't we already cover this?

WARNING: I'm fucking redundant, okay?

My anxiety disorder came with a telephone number to 911.

I also received instructions on how to be more nonchalant.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #12 is one I find personally uplifting but others might find intimidating

In my opinion, my Success in Life is determined solely by the number of Top Stories and paid subscribers I have.

Are you listening, Vocal? Slap that Top Story star on this one and give me greater purpose, please.

Are you out there, readers-rolling-in-the-dough?

Large tips also make me feel more successful.

Just FYI. Give generously. You'll sleep better tonight knowing you did.

ALERT: ERROR processing tip! Please try again!

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #13 is too Darwinian for me

Clearly, I still need to evolve.

Who knew?

🤷

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #14 annoys me solely because it's the 14th meme in this collection

I always have them put extra chalantro on my burrito bowl at Qdoba.

I'm chalant inside & out!

⚡️😁👍

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #15 is annoying because there is too much white space both above & below the writing

I have another spirit animal that tries to guide me speaking Taiwanese. Unfortunately, I don't speak a single word of Taiwanese.

I have a spirit flamingo on my Amazon waiting list.

The spirit mockingbird I thought would be mine just laughed at my soul before flying off to Nirvana alone.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #16 is annoying because it uses the word "CAUTION!" when it actually means "WARNING!"

... if ghosting were traffic signs☝...

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #17 makes me both annoyed and impatient

I've never apologized for any of that! So basically that's irrelevant to me!

What I need to know is: Can I stop apologizing for posting memes while haven't sex?

And I need to know that relatively quick, thank you very much.

ALERT: ERROR processing tip! This will be the best you ever had. Please try tipping again!

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme # 18 is annoying because it will likely give some women ideas

WARNING: I take no responsibility for my actions. If anything I say or do causes the downfall of civilized society... I WARNED you it would happen.

That's just rude.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Meme #19 is sound advise from someone who cares.

WARNING: I don't know if I should spell it advice or advise and I truly don't care.

Just soften your violence with velvet.

Or ostrich feathers.

Consider it character development with style!

⚡️😁👍

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: Sadly, it's about to get political.

⚡______________⚡

WARNING: The Truth Hurts.

⚡______________⚡

ALERT: Jeffrey Epstein was murdered in his cell, August 10, 2019~❗

WARNING❗The Epstein cover-up is active and ongoing. It's not funny at all. Just ask Donald Trump. He's really mad about it.

WARNING: I'm becoming obsessed with ALERT-ing you about many awful things. But it's for your own protection.

WARNING: This is the Worst Song Ever 👇 DON'T LISTEN TO IT!!‼

WARNING: This👇 movie is the worst ever. NEVER WATCH IT!‼

And... WARNING--

I think we all know what's horribly bad about that! ⚡😵☝

A follow-up WARNING--

WARNING: At this point, I'm no longer even posting comedy. This is just WARNINGS about awful shit you've already been WARNED about.

Right?

Like... obviously, everyone already knew this👇.

Even people living under an aquarium rock already knew that. ☝ Why do you think octopuses are so beloved by Atlantians?

SPOILER ALERT: It's because octopuses are so flexible.

WARNING: I'm about done here.

WARNING: Parental advice should have been advised.

WARNING: Throughout our lives, many WARNING-s come too late. It's called "being bitten on the ass." An example...

Don't Subscribe to me either.

WARNING: You'll subscribe. By now, you're enraptured with me. Don't say I didn't WARN you before we began.

⚡_____________⚡

WARNING: I'll do more Meme-ing Madness again soon!

Now you're forewarned!

___________________Bolt⚡

....the🔥 horrors persist but so do I....🔥⚡

Video killed the radio star...

WARNING: Do NOT Trust this👇 Wizard!

ALERT: There was an ERROR processing the tip you sent earlier! Please try again! Donating a larger amount may correct the error. Your persistence is appreciated.

WARNING: THIS ATTEMPT AT COMEDY WAS NOT AMUSING. It's only a matter of time before it's evicted from the Humor Community.

C'est la vie.⚡