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Deadlines Aren't To Be Trifled With

Don't Embarrass Yourself (like I just did)

By Lightning Bolt ⚡Published about 12 hours ago Updated about 6 hours ago 4 min read
Top Story - January 2026
Is she being held HOSTAGE by giraffes?!?!

10:13 pm 1/28/26 - two hours until the Deadline 🕛

NOTICE WHEN WRITING FOR A VOCAL CHALLENGE

Do not start late

Or your poem won't be great

An idea popping into your head two hours before midnight on the Day Of is probably doomed to fail

(_doomed or entombed or something that rhymes with mushroom_)

Editing takes time

Especially goodly rhymes!

And buttering a barely baked notion at the last minute without any structured guidance can be a travail

It's better to bail.

You can't possibly achieve your best work as a writer if you don't start your poetry well before the deadline time!

Therefore: this will not be a completely coherent announcement

I have no clue where I'm going with this

<wait-- I need to piss>

⚡___↯

WARNING

Starting late is a gamble

You might even ramble

"So don't delay!"

As they always say

⚡___↯

10:15 pm 1/28/26 - an hour and forty-five minutes until the Deadline 🕒

Gotta pause....

Is this a lost cause?

~~Did anyone get the license plate number of that penguin?🐧~~

⚡___↯

10:45 pm 1/28/26 - an hour and fifteen minutes before the Deadline 🕘

WARNING

When facing down a deadline you must account for unexpected interruptions like your partner coming home to tell you he/she needs you to locate the Tupperware bowl thingie you used because there should be two in the kitchen but he/she can only find one and they are his/her mama's and she wants them back and you know you used it yesterday to make your own homemade version of a KFC potato bowl with mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn but you can't find it and you keep looking and you can't find it because there is a lot of clutter in your life because you are an artist and you don't have time for menial shit like cleaning and you keep saying "It's gotta be here somewhere" because you never go anywhere but you really don't remember what you did with it because yesterday was your birthday when you were totally focused on other things so you keep looking and looking and looking, going to the kitchen repeatedly and your bedroom and looking in the refrigerator and under your bed and under your chair and looking in closets and asking your cats if they know where it is and they just look at you like you're stupid so you really really look in your den where you write because that's where you think it's most likely to be but it's just nowhere nowhere nowhere to be found but it's gotta be somewhere and finally you start systematically going through your den when finally you find it beneath the robe you took off yesterday because it was covered with cat hairs that were getting on your face, feeling like cobwebs mixed with cotton candy and were driving you absolutely CRAZY! <≧check this for editing spellingmisstakes if'n there are time before the dead line⇚ ☢>

EVERY WRITER NEEDS TO BE FULLY PREPARED FOR SITUATIONS EXACTLY LIKE THIS👆WHEN WRITING LAST MINUTE FOR AN RAPIDLY APPROACHING DEADLINE

⚡___↯

BUT BE REASSURED

If you are feeling stressed

or under duress

There is one thing you can do

Generating original A.I. pictures for your stories is quick and easy and it's your story's glue!!!

Here.

Let me show you.

11:11 pm 1/28/26 - roughly fifty minutes before the Deadline

Why is he so pale?

All I said is that he should look sweeter!
I didn't ask for flowers. Why are there flowers floating near the ceiling?

That's odd.
Both heads are cute but still... I only asked A.I. for one.
Huh?

I think my A.I. is on acid.

I did not ask for a clown typing on a computer.

I did not ask for a vampire typing on a computer.
I did not ask for a black pirate using a computer!
I didn't ask for a gender-neutral witch.... and gee thanks, A.I, because now I'm craving skittles.

I did not ask for a penguin using a computer.
She looks upset.

DAMMIT, A.I.! I did NOT ask for Popeye's brother using a computer!!
Too many fingers, too hot.

Too cold.🥶 And doesn't honey congeal at sub-zero temperatures?

All I have been trying to do this whole time is create a picture of a man typing really fast because he's running out of time! Where are all these penguins coming from? I've never once asked for penguins!

I didn't ask for a snowman sitting at a desk made of ice.
Oh HELL to the FUCK NO! I would never ask for that kind of ICE! Melt them! Get them off our streets!

"HOUSTON, I think we have encountered a problem with this A.I.! It appears to be penguin-infested."
I DID NOT ASK FOR OPRAH WINFREY USING A COMPUTER!

WTF, A.I.!!! I thought the 'I' was for Intelligence, not Ignoramus!

I did not ask for HORSE-MAN typing on a computer!!!

This is exhausting.

I need a break

for my visual center's sake

I generated this one just for me. I feel better now.
Is he trapped INSIDE a computer?!?!😱 Is this intended as another WARNING? That won't happen to me, will it?

😱

⚡___↯

11:44 pm 1/28/26 - roughly fifteen minutes before the Deadline

WARNING

Generating original A.I. pictures for your stories is labor-intensive and really really really HARD

Don't play that as your last card

Or your cover photo will end up being a giraffe watching a whore

And they'll be no time left to generate more!

Wait...

This may be a fight!

But I know I can get this right!!!

Why is this such a chore?

....just a couple more....

⚡___↯

That's the same witch from before in disguise. A.I. ain't fooling me!

Clearly, SHE's got issues.
What's all that crazy shit in the air?!? I didn't ask for an author with telekinesis!!!

Typing, not flying.

Typing on a computer, not sitting on a scooter!

Good Lord! He's supposed to be TYPING on a COMPUTER, not WIPING off PEWTER!!!

Are Thor and Superman arm-wrestling for control of that laptop? And why are there penguins??????

This is not my fault.

Great. 😐 First it assaults that guy using my schtick and now the damn computer is trying to escape.

What the FUCK?!?!? 😱
Why is A.I. showing me a picture of my EX?!?!?

HURRY UP! ~~

~~I'm TRYING!!!!

NO NO NO! I did NOT NOT NOT ask for SCALES!!!!
And now...MONKEYS?!?!?

A miniature Ronald Reagan on a computer eating ice cream??? Where does A.I. come up with this shit?

Okay already. I give up!

Well that went well

Can you tell?

<very heavy sigh>

⚡___↯

OMG, this poem ain't it!

But I gotta submit!

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!

_______________Bolt

11:59 pm - one minute until midnight

I'm shocked!!

OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN!!!!!

I THOUGHT THE DEADLINE WAS MIDNIGHT!!!!

I'M ONE MINUTE TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let that be a lesson to me.

Well, since I missed that👆, I'll just bump this up to 600 words and publish it in the Humor Community, where I'm still a god.

⚡😁👍

🎼🎵 A B C D E F G

H I J K LMNOP

Q R S

T U V

W X Y and Z!

Now I've writ my ABCs, tell me what you think of me...

since I screwed this whole damn thing up

₿UT⭛⭛⭛⭛

even though I didn't enter the fucking challenge on time as planned (where I would have clearly clinched that $200 with this poetic masterpiece), at least I made you🫵 laugh!

Didn't I?

You're welcome.

Unfortunately, this story was true. My name wasn't changed to protect the penguins.🐧

artIrony

About the Creator

Lightning Bolt ⚡

Bolt aka Bill, a bizarre bisexual bipolar epileptic⚡🧠⚡ Taco Bell Futurist 🌮🔔

Memes! Madness! LSD! Hell🔥!😈 Creepy Crazy ghosts!

🩸Thrash!!🩸 SCREAM!!! 😱 Demons & Phobias & Prophets, oh my!

Poetry ~ Challenge ~ Winners!

I am shock therapy. ⚡😁👍

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insight

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

Add your insights

Comments (11)

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  • Erica Roberts 20 minutes ago

    This was a fun ride! Congratulations on getting Top Stories! 🎉

  • Mark Grahamabout an hour ago

    Oh, well you did make me laugh with this one. Better luck with your next challenge using AI or NOT.

  • Mother Combsabout an hour ago

    LoL, this is great, Bill. Some AI image generators are better than others, though. The lesser ones are always good for a laugh.

  • John Scipioabout an hour ago

    Funny stuff...🤣 😂

  • Sid Aaron Hirjiabout 2 hours ago

    I procrastinate too much too-always love your humor

  • FUNNY. LOVE the images > >. Magical ❤️❤️ ❤️❤️ ❤️❤️ ❤️❤️

  • Cristal S.about 7 hours ago

    Hahaha, I loved it! I have to say, the Tupperware rant is painfully relatable! It’s like… it has to happen! And the damn thing apparently needs to be found right nowww! It absolutely cannot wait another 15 minutes!

  • Susan Fourtané about 9 hours ago

    I could almost feel the painful pressure and the countdown ... and one minute late!

  • Sandy Gillmanabout 10 hours ago

    This is exactly how my brain works under pressure. This is painfully, hilariously accurate!

  • Sam Spinelliabout 12 hours ago

    Haha this is rad. I appreciate the wit throughout, and find the whole thing way too relatable. Rare occasion where I liked a piece of writing before even reading it— but your title had me just from the meta humor. after reading in full, the poetry did not disappoint. Light hearted but also clear minded and accurate commentary on writing against the deadline. Great job Bill this was awesome. Also, though I’m personally opposed to ai art of any form, I got a kick out of your use of it here, the captions were great and definitely worked to emphasize the theme of your writing

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