Stream of Consciousness
Word of the Day: 芸術
I have been abnormally tired all day which was not a good thing. I am certain I am going to start my period with vengeance for being late. As I have explained before, I don't get cramps or other symptoms so much but my energy is completely stolen from me, and that is exactly how I am feeling today, I just haven't bled yet.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 寝技
I am completely drained today. I told Reo that, I was doubting our relationship going forward as, I feel like he doesn't understand my needs and actually gave me pressure during a stressful time. I mean, he is busy as well, and I can understand that with the gaps between replies but, what he does reply with isn't satisfactory enough to keep my attention really. I feel like... I am alone. And I mean, when I was with Kenta, who lives all the way in Japan, I didn't feel alone with him. If you feel alone in your mind, you're alone.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
The Day I Realized My Family Didn’t See Me
I have always loved my family. They are the people I grew up with, shared meals with, celebrated holidays with, and turned to in times of need—or so I thought. But the truth is, I often felt invisible among them, like my presence didn’t matter, like my thoughts, feelings, and dreams were background noise in a house full of voices.
By Shakil Sorkar2 months ago in Confessions
The Secret Battle I’ve Been Fighting in Silence
I’ve always been the one who smiles, laughs, and tries to keep life light for everyone around me. From the outside, it looked like I had everything under control. Friends, family, even strangers probably thought I was confident, happy, and “put together.” But behind that smile was a secret—a relentless, invisible battle I never wanted anyone to see: anxiety.
By Shakil Sorkar2 months ago in Confessions
The Thing I Pretend Doesn’t Bother Me (But Actually Does)
I’ve always prided myself on being easygoing, the type of person who goes with the flow. I laugh off small annoyances, shrug off mistakes, and tell myself that everything is “fine” even when it isn’t. On the surface, it looks like I have it all together. But behind that smile is a truth I rarely admit: I’m tired of pretending that certain things don’t bother me—because they do.
By Shakil Sorkar2 months ago in Confessions
We Talk All Day Online — But No One Really Connects Anymore
I spend hours every day talking to people — or at least it feels like I do. My phone buzzes with messages, memes, and notifications. Friends send voice notes, group chats explode with opinions, and someone always seems to be typing. But when the screen goes dark, the silence feels heavier than ever.
By Shakil Sorkar2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 専門
I am glad my aunt gave me this computer. It is only good for school, but I guess I appreciate it the monster. Ah I am channeling now. I am feeling negative energy and then when I look at the katakana I notice I made a mistake. I should've wrote katakana.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 一次関数
I really need to be working on my homework but I got like, two more vocal entries according to my todo list so I want to take advantage of that and use them completely to settle myself down. I am loving that the algorithm decided that hip hop violin music is my jam now. I really do feel it is, that sophistication with a slight edge.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 頼もしい
I am starting to both love and hate that I am back into learning Japanese. As I look at the tv screen, I realize that I am living a double life with the fact that I am lying about doing weed. I... No. I have to believe in my self and my own actions. I have to understand my purpose though. And that sounds so existential.. I really like Japanese but I think my purpose is my writing here... Or maybe it is all I can afford at the moment. I want to enjoy my time.... afford, yes. I am poor as fuck and can't afford anything right now, not even time.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 劣等生
I already wrote this but it got deleted for some reason. I just want to destress before I have to spend the rest of the day ( literally the rest of the day ) just studying Math and Japanese. Mostly math though since I have that pesky test tomorrow.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
