Word of the Day: 芸術

I have been abnormally tired all day which was not a good thing. I am certain I am going to start my period with vengeance for being late. As I have explained before, I don't get cramps or other symptoms so much but my energy is completely stolen from me, and that is exactly how I am feeling today, I just haven't bled yet.

I feel like I can't get a break, if it isn't being sick and throwing up last week, it is going to be my period this one. I am just tired. I really need to pray to god to give me strength to persevere.

Unfortunately I was thirsty for juice and decided to drink alcohol, which wasn't a good decision. Now my stomach is sour. I don't think I will puke or anything like that but, I can't afford to be deterred in any way.

I am also listening to a cacophony of noise from the 3 screens:

• A tarot reading
• a chakra healing video
• A clearing trauma from the ages of 0-3

I am going a little.. well not crazy, more like lazy, I am not caring about anything right now. I got a blizzard from dairy queen and chicken strips.

I was depressed with what happened with the club, but I think I am completely emotionally over it, it is just I haven't recovered my energy back though. I don't think this blizzard is going to help me, it is just I felt like eating it.

I feel eating the rest of it and my chicken strips are kind of a chore but, I figured I just need to rest, as ridiculous as that is.

It is 10:30pm now, I feel like I need to work on some homework, even if I don't finish it all, I should try to be on task as, the only thing that is stopping me right now is light stomach pain and only light fatigue.

I am actually pretty active or engaged right now, I mean I do have to take a few breaks for my body, but I am going at it! ( I am just happy with myself right now. ).

I think it also helps that my mom offered to help clean tomorrow so I am not worried about the piled dishes and such right now. I just have to clean the embarrassing or secret stuff in my apartment before she comes over, but that is rather easy.

I am energetic finally, I mean I am also high but, it doesn't matter what circumstances get me back into the saddle, what is important is I am finally here. I can focus on my school work now, I should be grateful. Also now I have the freedom to self study what I want to do, I forgot that I used to just love to research by myself, if I finish my lame studies, I can study or read books in my free time. I am excited going forward now because now I can focus on myself.

I was a little afraid and felt lost not having a man fully interested in me, nor I with him but, this excitement for the future I am imagining now is, so nice. Also perfect for this winter. I will be inside most of the time. I should buy Ovaltine and milk more next time, I could make hot chocolate.

I am looking at my math homework and, it isn't the act of doing the math but my own frustration at the disorganized note pages that I'll have to go through and correct.