Stream of Consciousness
the weight of a quiet stone
A stone the size of my thumb sat in my pocket for years before I ever realized it was there. I don’t remember when I picked it up — maybe sometime around childhood, maybe earlier, maybe it was placed there before I learned to speak. All I know is that it grew heavier every year, pressing into my leg, shaping the way I walked without me even noticing.
By nawab sagar2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 塩っぽい
I really need to go over all my diary entries and make sure none of the themes are repeating. I have had some people ask me about that and the thing is, they are not always about what I am writing about, though for some entries they are connected to the content. It is more of a game I play with myself to sort of encourage the study of Japanese or keeping a sort of " Flashcard set " , if you will.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
The Story I Never Thought I’d Tell: I Survived a Love-Bomber
Sitting on my shower floor with scalding hot water washing over my shivering body, I sob, listening to a new album by one of my favorite artists that has inspired this essay, as I’ve had to build my wall so high I didn’t think anyone could actually climb it, until someone did.
By Ash Ylvisaker2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 軽食
Queen Amun Ra is warning me about family members speaking ill of me, and Lynn did a Libra reading just now.. I guess that is my niece then... She is probably talking shit about me. Or it could be my other niece since... There is a connection between Lynn and Queen that needs to be acknowledged that would connect it to her as well. I am not too worried, I am interpreting as a sort of scout warning.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
How life changed after moving abroad.
I moved to abroad after my marriage and everything changed completely when I stepped into a completely new life. India was familiar and a comfort zone to me as everyone was there, be it my family, my in-laws or my friends. Moreover, a familiar language was spoken there. But a drastic shift occurred after moving here. Step by step I began to realize that life is no more full of roses, it's now a bunch of responsibilities. We have to start from scratch in a completely new environment. The very first difficulty one faces is managing household chores all alone without any house help. Here ,affording a house help costs an arm and leg that's why most people prefer to do their work on their own. Then comes the challenge of earning, as getting a job in Australia is not a piece of cake. You have to be open to various roles whether a physically tiring job ,cleaning, kitchen hand or anything else which seems to be low profile but have to pick up that for earning your livelihood. Along with these, loneliness hits hard as there is no family, no friends. Your festivals does not look that bright as they are in India because celebrations are incomplete without your loved ones. And you don't get a holiday on Indian festivals so they seem like a normal working day. Moreover, different time zones don't allow you to pickup the phone and call anytime when you want. You keep most of the things and struggles to yourself to not to stress your family. Additionally, you start realizing the importance of money suddenly as weekly salary comes with weekly expenses of rent, groceries etc. and also you have to save for paying bills or for public transport expenses. Next comes the thing which is uncommon in India as here pedestrians are given more importance on crossings, cars stop before crossings to give way to pedestrians. The words like thankyou are commonly said to public transport drivers. Unlike India, standing in a queue is normal here. Long walks become your daily routine when you stay far away from the station and you don't drive as there are no vehicles such as autos or e-rickshaws, you have to take a bus or train or walk by feet only for covering distance of one place to other. Weather conditions cannot be judged here as conditions change frequently. Winters are long for more than 6 months, some days are very hot or some days you see sudden shift in temperatures or sometimes almost a full rainy week. The most important thing is that couple teamwork is tested in abroad as managing household responsibilities to shared finances will become essential to have a smooth lifestyle. And couples understand each others importance in their life while living all by themselves without any kind of support which makes the communication strong between the two strengthening their bonds, allowing misunderstandings to be avoided as no third person is there to solve your conflicts. You know you have only each other by your side which leaves no option other than maintaining compatibility. Australia's lifestyles teaches you maturity in almost every area of your life, you start becoming more confident, strong, patient and independent . You start feeling proud on small achievements such as travelling alone for the first time, buying groceries all alone or other small tasks gives you the feeling of accomplishment. This country is very peaceful; everyone is busy in their own life, no one judges or interferes in your life but honestly this peace sometimes eats you as you have no friendly neighborhood relations, nobody to talk to or share your mind with which is not a case in India especially in small town where neighbors share a close knitted bond. There is no loud sounds of barking dogs, car horns, two wheelers. Everything is so silent. Loud horns create noise pollution according to people so they are mostly avoided. One challenge that is mostly faced is getting food to taste same as India is not a chance here whether you get everything almost in stores but the street food of India has a no close match in taste. Renting a house on a budget is also a different kind of struggle in Australia as prices are high and agencies or landlords prefer those with higher income scale. Once you rent one you have to go through house inspections and you have to maintain the property to avoid heavy penalties by landlords. The most appreciating thing about Australia is that people who love to read gets free access of books from public libraries located in almost every suburb. You get multiple books to read for a period of time. You just need a valid id proof to make your library card for free. Another plus point here is nature is therapeutic here. Beaches, parks, lakes, mountains are so clean that your mind gets a reset even with a 10-15 minute walk as air quality is superb with negligible pollution levels. Water and sky is clear and blue and you enjoy the breathtaking view of the nature which also acts as a stress reliever in busy lifestyle. It also gives you positive vibes as everything is so beautiful. But unfortunately UV rays are so harsh that sunscreens become vital part of your routine and stepping out without sunscreen in sun is not recomended. So, yes life gets a whole new picture with emotional stress, crying alone with lots of nostalgia but showing up strong everyday for just yourself. You learn to step out of your comfort zone which is a first step towards your growth. You become more close to your loved ones and the things which seemed unimportant in India gain its value after moving here. Despite of challenges faced you start discovering the beautiful things and start showing gratitude for them. Slowly and gradually with the passage of time this unknown country becomes your home place with its clean environment, respect for diverse cultures with peaceful lifestyle and when you look back you feel great knowing that you have built everything from your own struggle. Of course, India is not replaceable despite of its shortcomings that will always be in hearts but foreign countries become your second home. I think that what if i haven't moved here maybe I would not learn to discover my inner strengths, maybe I would always be dependent or not learn to manage everything by my own. As I said earlier India is irreplaceable and I remember it everyday but Australia has given me a new identity which is more strong, patient and responsible too. This new beginning was full of new hopes and its still going on and making me better with each passing day in every area of life. I have become a newer version of myself as this journey along with my address changed me as a whole for the better. Sometimes harshness and bitterness are necessary to rise beyond our limits. From the lady who was nervous on the first entry at the airport to the lady I have become is more confident and clear in her thoughts with baby steps she is taking in her life.
By Parrody Queen2 months ago in Confessions
The Path to Redemption
This is not an article; it's a contingency plan. Tomorrow morning, I embark on a journey to begin the next chapter of my story. Of that much, I am absolutely certain. Today is the last day of this era of my life, no matter what comes of tomorrow. This is a bittersweet realization, and one I couldn't bear to carry all alone, but the loneliness is part of what is ending, and writing this will help.
By Maia Gadwall the metAlchemist2 months ago in Confessions
I Don’t Want to Be Strong Anymore
”You’re so strong.” The words have been uttered through the lips of friends, family, and even strangers. Whispered in the lines of funeral visitations. Said with conviction through a smothering hug. Used as encouragement when sharing my story.
By Cece Brandon2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: めちゃくちゃ
I think I am just waiting for 10 am so I can go to the pot shop. Before the page loaded and I was just thinking to myself, " Why do I feel so unsettled? It is Uranus sextile Neptune.. This should be a good thing. I did something sort of risky but I feel like, as long as I don't care about the result, it will be fine. I got the 10 of pentacles as the positive in that action so.. Ah I think I am sort of giddy off the idea of having today to rest, not only rest but... maybe even play.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day:日常生活
A contagion is about as threatening as anything, we forget that people used to die of simple colds. Sometimes when you're on that death bed, that is the thing that does you in. Oh yea, I guess I am thinking of Jasmine for some reason. Well I don't want to think of Cedar Hills.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 頂点
I feel very captivated by the current tarot card video I am watching, I am awake like I said previously, but I wouldn't say my motivation to do math is gone but, I feel like.. I need to recover my mentality through tarot card readings. Like, I need to do a mental health respite.
By Kayla McIntosh2 months ago in Confessions
