Word of the Day: 一次関数

I really need to be working on my homework but I got like, two more vocal entries according to my todo list so I want to take advantage of that and use them completely to settle myself down. I am loving that the algorithm decided that hip hop violin music is my jam now. I really do feel it is, that sophistication with a slight edge.

I know it won't cure my fucked up body right now, but it is making me feel like, there is at least a sound to my suffering. I guess it is suffering, do I enjoy learning? I mean I could gloat that I am trying to do two very difficult subjects at a time, drastically different than each other. Language and Math aren't... Well it is hard for me to make the connection. I mean you could lightly compare it with syntax or that sort of rule makes them more akin to each other but other than that my brain doesn't see much else to connect.

I constantly feel like I might puke or my stomach is just constantly sour.

I am also starting to question eating my mom's food. I feel like she is poisoning me. Well, it might not even be that, it could just be she prefers to feed me than do any of the other more useful functions. But that is also annoying as well and makes me feel sick in another way.

I just want to cry. I also want to talk to Sebastian but, I don't think that would mean anything now. I sort of "chose" Reo and, I am starting to find it was a bad decision.

Also how he phrased stuff, " Won't it make you crazy? "

There were better ways to word it but, really... even according to my own standards of, " If you can't say anything right, at least act right. "

He is failing at that.

I decided for some reason to find a Japanese version of Fiddler on the Roof. It seemed to have calmed me down for a bit. Makes you forget about the worries you're having, just escape to another time, another place.

I feel sort of scared leaving the comfort of that video once it ended. Like my special little bubble left and I was left back in the cold world that has no music.

I turned on Rasta - Kavasaki

I am dancing like the black girl from Big Bang's Bang Bang Bang music video.

I also owe it to myself to actually get to sleep at a good time.

I won't pretend that writing stories like this on here isn't wasting my time but, I feel like without them I would really go crazy keeping everything in. I just feel like I have no escape or release from stress.

Yea so, this is my last taste of freedom. I don't know what I'll do when I have to work on writing classes again. I don't want to think of it, it is making my stomach upset.

I have only a few liberties and luxuries at this time. I need to be thankful for them. I am very thankful. I think I am going to sleep really good tonight regardless. But yea, I am sort of mad at Reo. I mean even when he sent me stuff, he didn't bother explaining or something. He might've been wary of sending messages because of the noise but... I dunno, I don't want to think anymore, I am just done. I am done with everything, I want to sleep.