Sibley Shamra
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Poetry is simply diction strung together as I see fit.
Stories (109)
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Knotted Roots - Part 14
Jane refused to leave me alone that night, she insisted that she stayed here. Everything was still moving in slow motion, delayed response and recognition to everything around me. Whenever Jane spoke, it was like my brain was attempting to translate the words before they made sense. I wandered the house, heavy footsteps thudding across the dry wooden floor. The endless memories framed and nailed to the walls. It was as if the home had lost a part of itself somehow. Wounded. “Jane, you needn’t worry yourself with me.” “Its better to be in a house of mourning, than a house of feasting.” “That doesn’t make sense. No one wants to feel this, no one should have to feel this!” My eyes trying to hold back the burning fiery from within. Surely she doesn’t want to experience my pain, my loss. The heaviness of it all was nearly suffocating! She should be enjoying a nice dinner, to be happy. Not here watching me drown in sorrow. Yet, it was comforting to have her around, and the best part with Jane was she carried no drama. The day seemed to have passed quickly, the sun was beginning to set off in the distance. That amber colored light trying to pierce into this gloomy home. I felt exhausted, as if I hadn’t slept in years. Jane had been sitting in an arm chair in the living room, while I sulked around the house. “Talk to me Jasper, you seem troubled.” Jane asked, her voice soft, a patient expression on her face. The way her eyes beamed with love, with life. I made my way back to the couch, sitting on its edge. “I don’t mean this in anyway towards you, Jane. But if I’m being honest, I feel abandoned.” Jane didn’t flinch, her smile steady across her lips. Her sundress is the only color in this dreary home. “Jasper, you’re never alone. Psalms 34:18 says, ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit.’ God doesn’t forsake his children. I can’t say I know what you’re going through or how you’re feeling, but I know how to listen.” Jane’s smile was infectious to say the least, the way her heart broke seeing me broken, yet resilient and poised in the face of death itself, was bewildering and beautiful all the same. It caused a shift within me, a surge of emotion and something else I wasn’t sure I truly recognized. With what little strength I had left, I rose to my feet, making my way to the small record player Pa had. He hardly used it since Ma passed, at times even I forgot about it. We only ever used it in rare memorable moments. I knelt beside it, sifting through the shelf underneath it for a particular record. Ah! With a swipe, I brushed the dust off the cover revealing the famous Patsy Cline single. I sat the record on the platter, watching the needle of the stylus sit into the fine grooves of the record as it began to play. The familiar musical intro of the song bounced off of the walls. Without speaking, I stepped in front of Jane, reaching out my hand to her. She silently accepted the offer and we began to dance slowly, as the song “Crazy” played softly in the background. Jane rested her head against my chest, I resting my chin atop her head. It was my way of expressing how much I loved her, and how I wouldn’t blame her if she walked away, to be happier with someone else, anyone else. I kissed the top of her head a few times as we held each other closely. Swaying as the lyrics spoke what was on my mind, to allow Jane to understand my current mindstate. When the song ended, Jane leaned back that warm smile never fading from her face, her eyes warmer than ever. “I love your kind of crazy, Jasper Black.” My chest fluttering, my eyes, dark and desperate for her words to be true, “I love you, Jane.” I breathed the words heavily, my forehead resting against hers. That’s when she pulled me into a kiss. The kiss was soft, yet there was so much depth to it, a raw vulnerability to it. I kissed her back just as gently at first. My arms encircled her hips gently pulling her into my body. I clung to her warmth, to her loving kisses, as if they were healing a part of my brokenness. When we pulled away from one another, we were both a little breathless, and she had brought a smile, a life source back inside me. “It’s getting late.” I breathed, “When are you going to understand that I’m not going anywhere?” My eyes were stinging with tears that I was able to blink away. “Why don’t you try to take a warm shower, Jasper. It may do you some good.” Her loving concern for my wellbeing was appreciated and adored. I nodded and began the slow ascent to the second floor, Pa’s room haunting my conscience as I tried to ignore its emptiness. I entered the bathroom, shed the clothes from my back, and entered into the steamy shower. The hot running water, as if washing away all of the tears that had stained my cheeks and soothing the internal pain and anguish within me. Jane was right, I did need this. I wrapped the towel around my waist, steam disappearing from my hot skin as I entered my room, shocked to see Jane there, sitting on my bed. “Ahem.” Jane peeked over her shoulder and was shocked to see me in a towel, although I don’t believe she looked disappointed. “Oh! I’m sorry! I’ll just…” “Well I can’t say this isn’t a pleasant surprise.” I said, holding her gaze, her speechlessness was adorable. “I’ll just be leaving, so you can dress.” Jane tried not to stare at my chiseled frame, and the blush on her cheeks brought a broad smile to my weary face. Jane shut the door behind her, and I chuckled to myself. This was one of those moments when my thoughts of having Jane to myself were nearly obsessive, the way I could let her know what she does to me, and repay her with praise and pleasure. However, that dream would have to wait since we agreed to abstain from sexual desires and focus on our relationship emotionally. “It’s safe now!” I hollered, a loose shirt and sweatpants covering my body from her curious and admiring eyes. Jane couldn’t help but laugh at herself as she entered my room again. “I know I told you I didn’t need this, but I sure am glad to be spending tonight with you, Jane.” “Me too, Jasper.” Jane went to the edge of my bed, motioning me to sit next to her. As I sat beside her, she reached out her hand for me to take, and I did without hesitation. That warm smile grew a little larger as my hand filled hers, and then she bowed her head. I wasn’t sure what she was doing at first until she began to speak; she was praying. “Dear Lord, blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Lord, you know Jasper’s pain, his loss. I ask that you remain with him now and always, as he learns to live this life without Pa, but be steadfast, knowing you are always with him, guiding him. May your love and mercy fall upon him, and may you bring peace to his worried heart. Give him the courage to continue to live as you live within us. It is in your precious and holy name I pray, Jesus, amen.” A tear escaped, dwindling slowly down my cheek. I didn’t realize I had tensed up until I went to let go of Jane’s hand and pull her into another hug. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like Jane, to receive love like this, but I wasn’t going to waste it. Not even Grace could calm the brewing storm within me. I pulled the quilted comforter back and slipped underneath and cuddled Jane. “I love you, Jane.” “I love you too, Jasper.” We both became subdued by exhaustion and fell asleep clinging to one another under the quilted comforter.
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 13. Top Story - October 2025.
I held onto Jasper, for what felt like hours, but it was only a matter of a few minutes. “I’ll be right back, Jasper.” I slipped out of his limp arms, as he slouched back to the couch. I made my way to the kitchen to brew up some coffee, hoping the warmth and energy would bring some kind of life back to Jasper’s eyes. I wasn’t sure what else to do, but I knew Jasper needed someone. Had he told Jane? Did anyone else know? Even I was in disbelief over the shattering news of his father’s passing. He was doing so well, enjoying the most of his life, especially recently, with Jasper being home. I needed to remain strong, for Jasper. His world just broke, the only family he had left was his father. He was all that remained of the Black family. While the coffee brewed, and the warm roasted smell wafted aimlessly in the air, I returned to Jasper, who had his phone back in his hands. It looked like he had just sent a message to someone, but I wasn’t sure. “Jasper?” He didn’t look up, his fingers slowly gliding over his glass screen. I sat down beside him again, and saw him looking at the few photos of him and Pa he was staring at. He clicked on one in particular, a photo with him, Pa, Jane and her parents, seemingly enjoying a barbeque. “You guys look great together…” I breathed, “He finally went to church that day.” Jasper croaked, his voice gritty. I didn’t know what to say, so I just leaned on Jasper’s arm, hoping it brought him comfort. We sat there, silently leaning against one another until I heard the coffee maker ding. “I’ll grab us a cup.” As I poured the hot brew into two coffee mugs I heard Jasper’s phone ring briefly, followed by his footsteps moving outside as he answered the phone. I sat patiently at the kitchen table awaiting his return but was soon spooked by Jasper slamming the front door shut, his steps rapidly approaching like thunder. “Who was that?” I asked, nervous that he was in such a rage, he had just lost his father, what else could have possibly happened?! “Like you don’t already know.” He gritted through his teeth as he leaned angrily over the kitchen sink. “Jasper, I…” “Why are you here Grace?” “I heard the sirens and saw them turning into your driveway. What happened just now?” My voice rose with confusion, slightly defensive with the way Jasper’s unpredictable anger grew. His body was tense, as if he was trying to control every muscle, every reaction. His hands gripped the basin of the sink like he relied on it for support, for stability. “Jasper, why don’t you just breathe, calm down.” “Calm down?” He scoffed, as he turned so that I could see his face, I took a step back. There was a darkness in his eyes, his face contorted and unrecognizable. “Jasper, you’re not…” “No! I know why you’re here Grace. You can stop pretending now.” “Pretending?!” “You and your slimeball of a fiance are so eager to take this ranch, my heritage, my life!” Jasper’s anger was explosive, as if a nuclear reaction had just occurred. “I tried to love you Grace. I really did, and yet, I’ve been a fool this entire time. I was so blinded that I didn’t realize how bad you’ve manipulated me.” “Manipulated you?!” Jasper let out an exhausted, breathy, laugh. “Greg told me everything.” He said slowly, his eyes like a predator on mine, I was frozen. I wasn’t scared of Jasper, but there was an aura in the way he stalked around the kitchen table towards me, that made me tremble for a moment. “You and Greg think you can take this ranch from me.” His voice was low, twisted. His arm pinning me against a nearby wall in the kitchen, his face sinking so we were on even eye level with one another. “You thought you had this perfect plan, the way I crawled like a puppy to you, the way we made love that night. Oh, it was almost perfectly thought out.” “Jasper…” “No! You don’t get to play with my feelings anymore! I’m done tormenting myself for you!” Could he honestly believe that was why I was here? Have I not hurt as well? Or did he forget how it was when he left? I knew he wasn’t thinking clearly, influenced by Greg’s vile lies, if I had any ounce of love left for him, it was gone. I couldn’t love anyone who would intentionally destroy one’s reason for existing, to so carelessly attack one’s soul. Jasper needed to see the truth, that I never wanted his ranch, that I was here for him! “Who was on the phone?” I asked coldly, now that there was space between us. I was beginning to feel more secure, more bold. “Answer me Jasper!” “Like you didn’t tell him.” He said exhausted, his chest heaving. His eyes low, not even looking at me anymore. His muscles, slowly relaxing. It was as if I was watching him give up, to submit to something. That wasn’t the Jasper I knew. Sorrow swirled in my heart, and it was then that everything had begun to make sense. Greg was in town talking with the bankers, he must’ve seen the ambulance! “Jasper, I haven’t spoken to anyone! I’ve only been here, with you!” “Liar! He told me how you’ve been hoping for this day to come. How you only ever wanted him!” “Jasper, that’s not true! You know that!” “I don’t believe you!” “Jasper, I’m here because I love you! I know you don’t want to admit your feelings for me after everything you’ve been through! I know you’re trying to change yourself! To be different, to be with Jane. But you don’t need to change for me, Jasper! I loved you then, like I love you now, recklessly.” I shouted, a pure emotional release, no longer able to restrain myself. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have crawled into bed with another man!” His hands slamming against the wall behind me, pinning me once more. “It’s not like I was yours to lose! Besides, I made a mistake, Jasper!” “I gave you every piece of me, Grace! For once, I wanted you to love me, without me begging for it!” I stood astonished, speechless. The black envelope, the bantering, how he held me in his room, against the sheets, the passion burning like an inferno. Looking upwards at his shadowy expression, that’s when I saw the tears that had been running down his face. “I think it’s time you left Grace.” “Surely you don’t…” “Leave!” Jasper’s booming anger was evident, and perhaps he needed space, time. He just lost his father, Greg calling him in his darkest hour and stirring things up in the midst of everything. As I slipped out underneath his arm, I slowly made my way to the front door, grabbing the cold doorknob. I looked back to Jasper in the kitchen. He had slumped down to the ground, head in his hands, and my heart churned with torment as I couldn’t ease his pain. I couldn’t because I was part of what caused it, and that tore my heartstrings like a broken chord on a guitar. When I got home, I ran straight to my room slamming my bedroom door and landing on my bed, trying to smother my sobs in my pillow. “Grace, dear?” It was my father, he rarely ever comes into my room, he always knew it was when I needed space, but his presence seemed to bring relief. “Papa! He’s gone!” My father just wrapped me in his arms as I curled into him like a little girl, and sobbed violently in his chest. “I know honeybee, I know.”
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 12. Content Warning.
It was about midday now, and I was about to go back outside when I realized I hadn’t heard from Pa this morning. Was he still sleeping? It was unlike him, he was usually up as the sun rose over the mountains, and with everything going on with Grace, concern grew rapidly, a heaviness sinking in my chest as I climbed the stairs as if they weren’t even there. Pa had been doing more lately, and it was of slight concern that he was doing too much. Pa’s door was still shut, I leaned my ear against the door as if hesitant to open the door, afraid of what I might find on the other side. Hoping to hear his gentle snoring, instead of the deafening silence. Unable to hear him, I swung the door open, and Pa was on the floor as if he had fallen. I rushed over to his side, desperate to see him awake, breathing, anything. Nothing! Fumbling with my phone, my fingers shook with fear, and I had to focus to press the three numbers, 9-1-1. “Hello? Yes, I need an ambulance!” I gave them the address, and a blur of emotions crashed like a tsunami! “Pa! Wake up!” I held him in my arms, unsure of what to do, praying that the medics would arrive before it was too late! What if it was already too late? I could hear the sirens in the distance, thankful they were almost here. “Come back to me Pa! Come back!” I screamed, my face wet with tears. “Hello? Medics!” “I couldn’t respond, my voice was gone, only the sounds of my sobs could be heard as if a haunted echo in the house. I heard the medics making their way upstairs, and everything tuned out, a ringing and buzzing sound filled my ears, as they rushed in. “Sir, you need to let him go.” One of them said as two of them had to physically rip me off of Pa’s body. I didn’t know what else to do, so I hugged the stranger, tears like rivers burning down my face “Pa…” “My team’s working on him, come on, let’s go downstairs.” “No! I can’t leave him…” “You don’t want to remember him this way. Trust me.” Several other medics had hooked up countless wires and machines to him, another had begun CPR. The medic holding me was able to walk me out of the room, my eyes never leaving him, “I should’ve checked on him sooner…” I croaked, finally slumped on a couch downstairs. “You did what you could.” My body went into shock, I felt numb, my eyes felt empty and my heart barely beating. Jumping up when I heard the footsteps of the medics making their way downstairs. I moved towards the hall where the stairs meet the living area and front door, when the medic grabbed me again. “Pa?” I saw the group of medics wheeling the stretcher, a white sheet covering the top of it, “Where is he?” The medic had to use all of his physical power to restrain me, “He’s…” “No! Don’t say it!” “I’m sorry, sir. He’s gone.” “Bring him back! Bring him back to me!” I screeched. The medic holding me back, tried to comfort me, hugging me back as I grieved. “Sir, do you have anyone you can call? Anyone who could stay with you?” I nearly collapsed in exhaustion, the medic had finally got me to sit back on the couch, the realization of Pa’s passing sinking in. “Sir?” I looked up to him, unable to remember what he just asked me. “Do you have anyone that can come, maybe sit with you?” I had no strength left in me, not even to respond to him, so I just nodded. Pulling out my phone, I stared at it blankly for a moment. Who should I call? Jane? Grace? Both of them? The medic seeing the phone nodded, said his condolences again, and made his way to the ambulance out front. I couldn’t think, tears blurring my vision with every blink, thoughts of “what if” tormenting me. I didn’t even flinch when the door flew open, a figure slowly approaching me. I was unable to look anywhere but the screensaver on my phone. All I could focus on was Pa.
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 11
Grace woke up the next day in disbelief, her childhood sweetheart, Jasper Black, in love with Jane?! It was hard to believe. Although, who could blame him, I haven’t necessarily been a saint, or really fair to him. Grace was honest with herself, slowly brushing her hair while reflecting in the mirror. Her mother startled her, breaking her from her thoughts as she entered after a light knock. “Grace, honey. You’ve been sitting up here all day. What’s going on?” “Nothin’ Mama.” “Are you having second thoughts about Greg?” Mama always seemed to have a way of reading me. I wasn’t sure how to answer her, I loved Greg, but I also loved Jasper. Now that he’s moved on, could I? Did I want to? “This is one of the most important decisions of your life, sweetie. Take all the time you need.” With her kind words, Mama left the room. I was alone in my thoughts again. Maybe I should go for a ride, it had been a few weeks since I took Spot out. I grabbed a hat from the rack by the door, and made my way to the barn.
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 10
Ever since Jane and I started dating, we had gone on a few dates, went horseback riding, and the day I looked forward to the most, finally rolled around. It was Sunday, the day he got to learn more about this God he became infectiously curious about, and the remainder of the day would be with Jane. Jasper got dressed, and quickly descended the stairs, “Pa!” “In here Jasper!” Pa was sitting in the living room, dressed well, suspiciously well. “What’s this about?” I asked him, curious about his fancy attire. “Well, I was hoping I could join you today, if that’s okay?” A broad smile spread across my face, “Come on old man, can’t be late to get Jane!” And with that we were off to Jane’s. Pa remained in the truck, while I retrieved Jane from her front porch.
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 9
I spent the past few days pondering how to ask Mr. Cross to date Jane, a tradition long forgotten by modern society, but expected here. Jane deserved better, but she wants me, knowing my brokenness, my past, she has always been there, waiting in the background all this time. Perhaps, I never saw her for who she was? I never saw her as a woman, until I saw her dolled up recently, a woman. Jane had a certain way of making me feel comfortable in my own skin, relaxed. Maybe this wouldn’t be a forever thing, but it was something worth tryin’. I pulled on my work gloves and yanked up on the hay bale in the barn and carried it outside, “Hey stranger!” My ears rang that familiar voice, one I haven’t heard in a few weeks, one I had nearly forgotten. “Grace?” Her bright smile toyed with my emotions. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say as I placed the hay bale in a nearby hay basket perched on the horse pen. “What’re you doin here?” My tone was dry, keeping my distance, a slight annoyance to my tone. “What’s got you in a fuss darlin?” She asked sashaying over to me, her arms reaching for my neck. I gently grabbed her wrists and stepped back. “Grace…stop.” My face stern, dropping her arms at her side, “What’s wrong Jasper?” Grace’s face twisted from joy to concern, “Why are you here Grace?” “Well, I hadn’t seen you in nearly two weeks!” “You should leave Grace…” My voice short, turning to head back into the barn. “What?” I pushed past every memorable pulse of the night we shared, remembering the heart wrenching moment I found her with Greg hours after. How she broke me. “You haven’t seen me in weeks and you’re just goin’ to shoo me off like I mean nothin’?” Grace challenged, her boots stomping towards me as I continued to make my way into the barn. “You don’t turn your back on me Jasper Black!” I quickly spun on my heel, inches from her, challenging her rage as I stood as tall as ever. “You answer me!” “I’m just done, Grace, okay?” Controlling my voice to a low grumble instead of yelling. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I just needed to set the boundary. Just then, Grace’s phone rang, “You should probably take that, might be Greg.” I sneered as I brushed past her. I needed to get space, to get away. I could hear Grace answer the phone saying Greg’s name. “I knew it…” I muttered my eyes rolling over.
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 8
The past few days felt like a daze. I was stuck in a fog where I had to choose which road to travel on. Jasper was a rough and rowdy cowboy, with a tender heart buried underneath. Greg was polished and genuinely attractive with his clean cut face and lean muscular build. The options were clear, a humble love or an extravagant lifestyle, with the world at our fingertips. I grew up fantasizing a life with Jasper, he was like a rough diamond, inclusions and all, with a love so raw, so fierce, I wasn’t sure I’d measure up. Yet, my mind swirled around the way he looked at me in the moonlight, in that ravishing black outfit. He was Johnny Cash and I was June. My skin shivered at the thought of how his calloused hands held me in a gentleness, like I was fragile, cherished. The way his stubbled beard tickled my smooth cheeks, the smell of his cologne like burnt wood and whiskey. The dizzying memory made me seek air as my body felt flushed. Hot!
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 7
The air was brisk, a light wind blowing through the screened windows as I rolled over to catch the sun’s light peeking over the mountaintops in the distance. With a large stretch, I rose from a restful slumber. My feet didn’t drag across the wooden beams like they had been the past few days, nor did my chin hang low. In fact, this morning felt like a new beginning all over. I thought I had already started over when I came home to take care of Pa and the ranch, but now I think, I shed something from my past. Grace made her decision, she may have tugged on my heart for all those years, but like Pa once said. “Never be so thirsty that you drink from every cup presented to you, that’s how you get poisoned.” His voice echoed in my head, crisp and clear from all those years ago. I never gave my father much credit growing up, I always thought he was hard to impress or that he was never happy with me. Except, now that I’ve returned home, I’ve never seen him so content, so happy. I just hope he’s proud of the man he built. Maybe one day I can explain things, but for now. It’s worth it just seeing Pa enjoy the rest of life in ease.
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
Knotted Roots - Part 6. Content Warning.
Spot was feasting on some hay, content. I threw some saddle bags on Crimson and slung a rifle over my shoulders in case any of the wolves Pa heard were still nearby. The cattle were grazing comfortably, none appeared alarmed. With a light kick to Crimson I pushed onwards to the edge of the property where I could see the ridgeline better. No use in cutting corners. The fence I recently finished was sturdy, undisturbed, and I didn’t observe any tracks. However, I could hear the clamoring sound of thunder, only it wasn’t a storm cloud, the mustangs were charging along the ridgeline again. There was something breathtaking about those wild horses. In a way, it reminded me of last night, how freeing it was that neither of us held back, exposing ourselves. Vulnerable, trusting. She may love Greg, but it was evident that she also loves me. I found myself relaxed, unburdened. I finally told her, showed her, how much she meant to me. Now, it’s up to her. With no threat to the herd in sight I gently pulled the reins and Crimson galloped all the way home. After unloading the saddle bags and storing the rifle in a gun safe kept in the barn. I gave Crimson a well deserved bath and rinsed the sweat off myself. Yanking the wet, clingy shirt off. Allowing the sun rays to bake me dry. Sipping water from a canteen cup I sat upon the fence. At that moment I heard the front door swing open, the screen door bouncing off the siding. “Thank you, Mr. Black!” Grace looked radiant, and more importantly she looked sexy as hell wearing one of my shirts over her shoulders as she left in that sinful satin dress. The gambler hat sat perfectly atop her head, like a country crown. Spot carried her away from the house like the royalty I saw her as. I wasn’t mad that she didn’t wait for me, that she didn’t see me sitting atop of the fence. Grace knew I was a working man, and she honored that. I hopped off, a little bounce in my step. “What’ya find out there?” Pa asked, peeking over the newspaper in his hands. “No sign of wolves. But the mustangs were running across the ridge again.” “Ah, they’re always running after something huh.” I excused myself to head upstairs to freshen up. When I returned to my room to change clothes, I noticed one of Grace’s heels peeking from under my bed. I curled it up on a finger, my eyes closing as the memory of last night repeated in my mind. Steadying myself with a breath I found myself in a sort of frenzy, something in me felt like a primal instinct. It was time to give Cinderella her shoe back, and if I gamble my cards right, maybe we could repeat last night. I stupid smile spread like a wildfire on my face, and I made haste to get to Grace’s house.
By Sibley Shamra3 months ago in Chapters
