Knotted Roots - Part 12

It was about midday now, and I was about to go back outside when I realized I hadn’t heard from Pa this morning. Was he still sleeping? It was unlike him, he was usually up as the sun rose over the mountains, and with everything going on with Grace, concern grew rapidly, a heaviness sinking in my chest as I climbed the stairs as if they weren’t even there. Pa had been doing more lately, and it was of slight concern that he was doing too much. Pa’s door was still shut, I leaned my ear against the door as if hesitant to open the door, afraid of what I might find on the other side. Hoping to hear his gentle snoring, instead of the deafening silence. Unable to hear him, I swung the door open, and Pa was on the floor as if he had fallen. I rushed over to his side, desperate to see him awake, breathing, anything. Nothing! Fumbling with my phone, my fingers shook with fear, and I had to focus to press the three numbers, 9-1-1. “Hello? Yes, I need an ambulance!” I gave them the address, and a blur of emotions crashed like a tsunami! “Pa! Wake up!” I held him in my arms, unsure of what to do, praying that the medics would arrive before it was too late! What if it was already too late? I could hear the sirens in the distance, thankful they were almost here. “Come back to me Pa! Come back!” I screamed, my face wet with tears. “Hello? Medics!” “I couldn’t respond, my voice was gone, only the sounds of my sobs could be heard as if a haunted echo in the house. I heard the medics making their way upstairs, and everything tuned out, a ringing and buzzing sound filled my ears, as they rushed in. “Sir, you need to let him go.” One of them said as two of them had to physically rip me off of Pa’s body. I didn’t know what else to do, so I hugged the stranger, tears like rivers burning down my face “Pa…” “My team’s working on him, come on, let’s go downstairs.” “No! I can’t leave him…” “You don’t want to remember him this way. Trust me.” Several other medics had hooked up countless wires and machines to him, another had begun CPR. The medic holding me was able to walk me out of the room, my eyes never leaving him, “I should’ve checked on him sooner…” I croaked, finally slumped on a couch downstairs. “You did what you could.” My body went into shock, I felt numb, my eyes felt empty and my heart barely beating. Jumping up when I heard the footsteps of the medics making their way downstairs. I moved towards the hall where the stairs meet the living area and front door, when the medic grabbed me again. “Pa?” I saw the group of medics wheeling the stretcher, a white sheet covering the top of it, “Where is he?” The medic had to use all of his physical power to restrain me, “He’s…” “No! Don’t say it!” “I’m sorry, sir. He’s gone.” “Bring him back! Bring him back to me!” I screeched. The medic holding me back, tried to comfort me, hugging me back as I grieved. “Sir, do you have anyone you can call? Anyone who could stay with you?” I nearly collapsed in exhaustion, the medic had finally got me to sit back on the couch, the realization of Pa’s passing sinking in. “Sir?” I looked up to him, unable to remember what he just asked me. “Do you have anyone that can come, maybe sit with you?” I had no strength left in me, not even to respond to him, so I just nodded. Pulling out my phone, I stared at it blankly for a moment. Who should I call? Jane? Grace? Both of them? The medic seeing the phone nodded, said his condolences again, and made his way to the ambulance out front. I couldn’t think, tears blurring my vision with every blink, thoughts of “what if” tormenting me. I didn’t even flinch when the door flew open, a figure slowly approaching me. I was unable to look anywhere but the screensaver on my phone. All I could focus on was Pa.

—

It was another morning, another day of contemplation on what to do. Knowing Jasper was in a real relationship with Jane stung. Why did I have to be so stupid?! I yelled at myself, and why has it taken me so long to really question things with Greg? It took him proposing, and Jasper moving on for me to see how much we really didn’t have in common. Was I just in love with the materialistic idea of love? Was I more infatuated with Greg’s wealth? I wasn’t sure really, but the more I pondered on it, the more I realized how little Greg and I spend time together, quality time. It was always an “adventure” and never an honest conversation. The unfamiliar sounds of sirens split the air! Sirens? I thought to myself rushing out front to see what was going on. As the piercing sounds passed, all I could see was a dust cloud behind the boxy truck, but where were they headed? Grace followed the dust trail, until she realized it had turned! Jasper! She quickly ran inside to change as she was still in her night gown. “What’s going on?” Her father asked, without stopping I hollered, “I’m about to find out!” Her parents had heard the sirens too, but they didn’t see it turn down Jasper’s driveway. I felt as if I was moving in slow motion! I finally made it to the barn, without grabbing tack, I jumped on Spot’s back and rode bare back to Jasper’s! “Come on Spot! Yaw!” With a flurried kick to let Spot know he needed to get to full speed, we made our way through the meadow and towards Jasper’s home. As we rushed through the meadow, I could see the ambulance slowly pulling away without their lights or sirens. Was everything okay? I slowed Spot from his furious gallop so we could both catch our breath. Spot was covered in sweat from the galloping the tiring trail leading between our home and Jaspers. Approaching Jasper’s house, it was eerily quiet, too quiet. I left Spot near the barn where there was a trough of water and some hay. I stopped to look over at the house, hoping to see Jasper or his father to come greet her. Nothing. I frantically ran through the front door, and it was as if everything was still. As if time even stood still, the air seemed stale, heavy. That’s when the figure to my right leading into the living room caught my eye. “Jasper?!” He was sitting as if comatose on the couch, staring blankly into his phone. “Jasper?” My voice hoping to break the trance he was in. I sat beside him, looking at his phone and found myself confused with growing concern as he was staring at his lock screen. His chest was the only thing that seemed to move, with shallow breaths. I went to grab his phone, hoping it would help bring him back to reality. “I’m here, Jasper. What’s happened?” He didn’t move, continuing to look at the ground before him, “He’s gone…” “Who?” Jasper, finally breaking his gaze, looked at me. The insurmountable amount of pain and grief in his eyes told me everything I needed to know, Pa had passed away. “Jasper, I’m so sorry!” All I could think to do was pull him into a hug, tears pinging my eyes as I too felt grief. Pa was like another father figure to me, but I had to try and keep my composure as much as I could, for Jasper.