Meme-ing Christmas to All & To All A Fun Meme! 🎅🎄🎁

⚡_______________ ⚡

Season Greetings! 👋😁⚡

Phone a friend! Tell your neighbors! Harass your in-laws!

I'm __Lightning Bolt. ⚡ And boy, have I got a Christmas gift for you!

The gift of laughter!

I'm here with an extra-long, extra-funny, extra-naughty, extra-nice, extra-lit, extra-hyperboled edition of my Meme-ing Madness!

When I say "extra-long", I mean it! Just look at how many minutes it takes to consume this whole thing! Sure, you could read for just 2 minutes, even 3, and then bail. No skin off my teeth. But I guarantee if you do try this out for 3-4 minutes, you'll stick with it to the very end.

Wait and see.

I didn't tag this as "Hilarious" because I'm deceitful. I'm honest by nature.

Trustfulness preserves harmony.

Be Aware: not every meme presented here is about the holiday. Some are just about sex. It's who I am. Deal with it. But most of these memes amount to the equivalent of Humor Community Christmas decorations!

There're no Yuletide carols being sung by a choir, but here are 🎼🎵🎶 "folks dressed up like superheroes." 👇

I usually talk (babble/preach/rant) at the top of these comedy routines, but as an added Xmas bonus today, I'm going to skip my usual Bids for Power and get right to the memes.

I still must give the substandard...

____W A R N I N G___

This humor is cold, tough, stale, obscure, covetous, abominable, incomprehensible, salacious (as always!), perverted, miserly, rancid, outdated, and disgusting— therefore: bad for your digestive system. It's presented without dipping sauce. However, it is also merry and bright! Everyone is responsible for weighing its benefits vs its detriments. Proceed at your own risk.

Before scrolling any further, you should first consult a doctor if you are allergic to bullshit, bad puns, or mutherfucking vulgarity.

Jewish people will surely be disappointed. I know nothing about Hanukkah. I honestly thought it was spelled 'Hannakah'. It actually has two 'k's? Really??? I had to Google speak it into my phone to get it right.

If you're turned on by someone with an electric sense of humor, you're going to fall hopelessly in love with me. 💕🤷‍♂️💕 Get in line.

There will be lots of singing this time. I'm a not just a superhero. I'm a virtuoso.

Any other warnings will come too late (like the one above about profanity).

I think that's it! ⚡😁👍

Let the Memes Commence!

🎅🎄🎁🎁🎁⚡⚡⚡‼️ ‼️ ‼️

⚡_______________ ⚡

#1) — For Those of You who Mistakenly Think I'll Wait to Get to the Sex Jokes

I have my own personal reasons for shaving mine.

Many of my past lovers have been frightened when my pubes stand on end because of my electrostatic discharge.

That's a rare downside of having a lightning rod.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#2) — For Those of You Who Are Still Shopping for Me

It's a scam. 😒

$40, my ass!!!

Just because my left one hangs lower than my right one, they wanted to charge me an extra $29 for the proper fit.

Seems discriminatory to me.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#3) — For Confused People

What the hell is a Croatian Cannonball?

I never...

EWW!

I told you in the WARNING at the top that this episode would be disgusting!

I just Googled more information. 😱😨🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

Do you know what the main ingredient is in a typical Croatian's diet?

You guessed it!

Beans!

There's not a cornfield or a single stalk of wheat anywhere in that country.

Croatia is just one lit match away from exploding.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#4) — For Those of You Already Using Your Air Spray Because of the Psychological Effect of the Last Meme

Sure, Dasher's and Prancer's farts are hideous. But have you heard about Comet's???

This is straight from Wikipedia (which is free and doesn't rely on ads...)

Comet is an icy body from the North Pole that warms and begins to release flatulence when being flown, a process called "outgassing". This produces an extended, gravitationally unbound atmosphere or coma surrounding the reindeer, and sometimes a tail of gas blown out its rear.

🤔 Explains a lot, right?

⚡_______________ ⚡

#5) — For Me— One Just for Me

Never listen to your parents, Bill.

They were created to stunt your dreams.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#6) — For Those of Us Without MiraLax

I crotched this☝️ in the bathroom while sitting there for hours experiencing the most God-awful constipation.

Like mom always said...

Idle bottom.

Busy Hands.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#7) — Speaking of Moms

NVM. Just the sounds alone from her deep throat class got me off.

Go get her yourself.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#8) — For Those of You Who Are Perfectly In Need

It starts at $9.99, sure.

But halfway through they stop!

And then it's like...

"That'll be another $127 bucks to keep going."

Then when you're close?

They do it again!

"Almost there! Just another $269 dollars to finish!"

It's only the 'Perfect Gift' if you have a perfect credit score. (mine sucks)

Trust me. I have experience with these things.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#9) — For Those of You Who Don't Shop Online with Good Reason

Sentiment like that can't be bought at any price.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#10) — For Pet Owners

He also tried cats once.

They just hissed at him.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#11) — For Dense Pop Culture Icons (and anyone else who's listening.)

I also take Cash app.

Or you can pledge to me here.

I'm strictly a top, but I'll be your ho ho ho if you want.

⚡😎👍

⚡_______________ ⚡

#12) — For Meaty People

Stay off your rooftops.

That's the key to surviving the night.

If you're caught up there and do see them coming, Donner will be the skinny reindeer in the middle-back. He always has an evil gleam in his eyes, and he'll start drooling the moment he sees you.

Don't try to run!

He's used to following Dasher and he's deceptively fast.

Both Dancer and Prancer are no help at all. They're party animals, regardless of the situation.

Cupid and Vixen are... well... let's just say they're always too involved in their own relationship to pay attention to anyone else. 🤐

Trust _Blitzen to save you!!!

Respect his power.

He's basically a four-hoofed version of me.

We Pause for this Public Service Announcement...

I've found the best way to get the stubborn ones to come inside is to sing to them. Try this....

🎼🎵🎶 "Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Make the yuletide gay"

From now on our bottoms will be on display....

⚡_______________ ⚡

#13) — For my Ex

This 👆 will help him see that I have very complex problems. That doesn't necessarily make me selfish or self-centered.

Or bland.

I'll put that checklist in his Christmas stocking, and he'll understand that...

But if I just explain to him that I...

Okay, 'Don't' meme.

<sigh>

I won't.

🤷

⚡_______________ ⚡|

#14) — For the Ladies

I find this hard to believe.

Sure, Vixen and Cupid are clearly girls.

But I thought Donner was definitely a dude.

Do you think maybe he's the sole male on the team and that his horns are missing because of malnutrition? 🤨

⚡_______________ ⚡

#15) — For Those of You In Love with My Pornographic Puns

What is the worst part of waking up to a cold facial fuck?

Jack Frost jizzing up your nose!

😂🤣🤣😂🤣

🥶

⚡_______________ ⚡

#16-17) — For Those of You Who Confiscated 1000 Bottles of Baby Oil this Year

I know what you're thinking...

"__Bolt isn't a doctor. He can't tell me what goes up my asshole!"

<sigh>

I'm just trying to help.

If you don't believe that meme, consider this one...

Christmas ornaments weren't made for your sphincter.

But you do you.

⚡_______________ ⚡

#18) — For Those of You In Love with Dick (I told you this would be long. ⚡😉👍)

I'm bisexual, and I feel vaginas are terribly underrepresented here. 👆☹️

On the other hand, just listen to the songs...

🎼🎵🎶 "Deck the halls with balls so jolly!"

🎼🎵🎶 "Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle balls all day!"

🎼🎵🎶 "God expose ye merry gentlemen. Let everything display!

The music alone is enough to get a guy hard.

And clearly, it's not just me!

Whoever created that display ☝️thinks Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate penis! 🍆

⚡_______________ ⚡

#19) — For Those of You Who Are Stocked Up on Six Sins but Still Need that Seventh

Promise me sex this week and it turns out you're just teasing.

I'll show you my Christmas wrath for free. 😡🤬

⚡_______________ ⚡

#20) — For Those of You Who Are Constantly on Social Media (like me)

He couldn't at least bring me a thesaurus?

If he thinks my posts were bad in 2024, just wait til we get to the end of 2025. And I wonder what he'll think after he hears the song I wrote about him/us. ⚡👇

⚡_______________ ⚡

#21) — For Those of You Who Select Top Stories

😲

Are you fucking kidding me?!?

😡

I think Vocal takes advantage of me!

I claim to write World Class Comedy for this place, but it's actually kind of lame. On most websites, the penalties for making false boasts would be severe. But here, they occasionally pay me an extra $5.

I'm deviant!

I've got bad brains!

I'm exploitable!

Alright. 😡

Suddenly, I'm no longer so jolly.

I'm going to sing again, just to calm my frazzled nerves.

I'll revert to doing what I do best, regardless of the season. I'll make this All About Me.

After that... I'm outta here.

Sing with me if you know the lyrics. 😁👇

🎼🎵🎶 L.B. the big-dicked hero⚡

Had a kind of average hose

But if you ever aroused it

You would gasp at how it grows

🎼🎵🎶 All of the other authors

Are bored and ignore his memes

Vocal never lets poor LB

Rule this Community as its King

🎵🎶 Then one online Christmas week

Santa came to say

"L.B. with your dick so thick

Won't you fuck this Ole Saint Nick?"

🎼🎵🎶 Then how _Bolt believed in him

As he spewed ⚡electricity ⚡⚡⚡⚡

🎼🎵🎶 Santa went to the E.R. 🤷

Use Amazon delivery!

Once his ass heals because they gave him an injection of mistletoe, he'll be fine.

Taking a thunderclap leaves 1 in 5 people bitter.

The symptoms pass after a few days.

⚡_______________ ⚡

I'm exhausted.

It's unprecedented, what I did here today: a total of TWENTY+ meme-ingful gifts given!!!

Don't say I never do anything for you.

Blessings to You & Yours!

⚡___MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!__⚡

*from

______________ Bolt⚡

P.S./Amended:

Vocal did it!

They made this a Top Story! And they did it on Christmas Day!

Boy, do I feel like a true ho ho ho! Exploitation is the greatest Christmas gift I was given this year!

For all of you who helped make this happen, thanks bunches!

I take back everything bad I ever said about Vocal....

... at least until this five bucks is spent and I start feeling neglected again.

🤷‍♂️

Just Keeping It Real.

⚡_______________ ⚡

Pop that heart button❤️ if this brought joy unto your world.

Pledge to me & I'd be eternally grateful. I'm poorer than Bob Cratchit. I would pledge back to provide you with regular laughs.

As always, I thank you kindly for your support!

My greatest gift is YOU! ⚡🫵

⚡_______________ ⚡

Original story☝️ by ©️William Markly O'Neal II, 2024 - All rights reserved ⚡