All Right, Mr. DeMille, I'm Ready for My Memes!

{{ DISCLAIMER: My name isn't DeMille, but I do feel the urge to direct. 🤷‍♂️ I'd make an excellent farcical dictator}}

Hello, again! 🖐️😁⚡

Are you looking for some crackle?

If so, you came to the right place.

I'm __Lightning Bolt. I'm an electrostatic discharge!

I publish electronically-transmitted words in several different Communities here on Vocal. In Fiction, I'm developing a series of original superhero stories. 🕸️🕸️

But, obviously, you're here for my comedy.

I'll get to that momentarily.

I want to mention that I was coughing up memes, in the most amusing ways imaginable, long before Vocal created a Humor Department. In fact, about three years ago, I wrote an article suggesting that Vocal create a Comedy Community.

And what did Vocal do?

They created a Humor Community. 😒

Same difference, right?

Check this out ==> What Really Sucks Ass About Vocal.

Calling it a Comedy Community would actually have been better, just because of the alliteration!

Vocal should declare me King of this place.

Or at the very least, we should hold a mock referendum to elect a President of Humor who will strut around with overexaggerated importance for the next four years.

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If we determine who will lead by an election, candidates can explain how they'll improve written comedy. Prompts, verbal non-monetary rewards, running gags throughout everything, fantasy whores servicing every written need, authors joining together to write skits— all that good shit can become the stuff of hollow promises.

I'll write more about my proposed kingship in the upcoming days.

I just wanted to do some foreshadowing here.

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Now... we have the memes! Plus, my stupid jokes about the memes! You've seen this idiocy before, you'll see it again. Complain to the management if you don't like it. 🤷‍♂️ Management will do nothing about your complaints. You have been WARNED.

Let's start with one for the Futurists among us...

#1- — For the Trekkies—

This first meme 👆⚡ sets the tone.

Set your phasers on mediocre.

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#2- — For the Fearless—

NO!

Don't even tell us!

Seriously!

This DON'T sign is usually just my lame (lane?) attempt at a running joke throughout this series. But in this case, take it seriously.

No one wants to know what motivated the creation of that public toilet sign! (demonic bowel syndrome?🔥🔥😈🔥🔥)

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#3- — For Those Who Were Too Scared to Relieve Themselves in those Other 👆 Restrooms—

I don't understand why everyone isn't bisexual.

"We are more alike than we are different."

{That's always my defense when I'm caught in the 'wrong' bathroom, ladies.}

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#4- — For Those Who Cut Loose—

On the other side of the tombstone, it reads....

He died footloose and fancy free.

There's even a little button on the grave-marker that you can click and then you'll hear this song...

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#5- — For Those with Grocery Lists—

In my case, that stranger at Walmart only saw a print of my epic fucking part!

We passed each other in the cucumber section.

Memories & masturbation go hand & hand.

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And Now...

_____We Pause for This...

PUBLIC DISSERVICE ANNOUNCMENT

Why should supervillains have all the fun?

Using memes as a means of torment is nonviolent but oh, so, satisfying.

Both sarcasm and satire are suggested.

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#6- — For the Hot People—

I know I'm late to the game (always) but this is Only Fans?!?

Are they always this blurry?

🤔 I just don't understand the appeal.

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#7- — For the Analogy-Challenged—

The Yuletide is just around the corner. I like to keep my text messages both timely and merry. So currently when asked if I'm hung, I respond with....

Like a string of Christmas lights on a Sequoia.

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#8- — For the Hungry but Indecisive—

Little Know Fact: Pizza is the #1 Secret Ingredient used at McDonald's, Taco Bell, and Burger King.

Sad Unaddressed Fact: American's cheese farts are the #1 cause of Global Warming.

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#9- — For the Paradoxical—

Shakespeare: Better times are ahead!

{ That's a shameless plug!}

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#10- — For Those of You Who are in the Wrong Community—

Serious writers, you're in the wrong place. Only Rom Coms are natural to this domain. So do some more clicking into a different Community if the vibes here seem too wacky for your taste.

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#11- — For the Voiceless—

Fairy tale voice: Writing a loved book will be so easy!

Realistic voice: Writing a book barely liked by twelve people will be the most grueling experience of your entire life.

Editor voice: Everything about this never-to-be-loved book is wrong.

Fairy tale voice (reoccurring): Everything about this soon-to-be-loved book is right.

Submissive voice: I'd love it if you'd force me to write a book.

Dominate voice: Bitch! The book should have already been written!

McGarrett's voice.....👇

Klingon voice: Books are best loved cold.

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#12- — For the Mentally Derailed—

I tried a plane of thought, but I couldn't get it off the ground.

My rain of thought only comes coupled with thunder & __lightning. ⚡

We won't even talk about my hurricanes of thought.

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#13- — For Those Who Hate the Winter—

Seeing this is a kind of compensation for the cold. It warms a guy right up. However...

Ladies, if you really wanted to bring the heat, do this ☝️while also holding onto an invisible balzac with the other hand.

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#13.5- — For Those Who Didn't Understand Why I wrote "Balzac" instead of 'Ballsack'—

French people are so romantic!

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#14- — For Those Who Think Americans are Romantic—

And this is how it always ends...

____with me stealing your heart.

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_______________ Bolt ⚡

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