satire
Relationship satire can be cathartic; when love hurts too much, just laugh.
Geometric Shapes
So, for some reason, I have always found myself in the middle. Quite honestly, once you’re in the middle it feels like there’s no going back. You really can’t find a way to escape from what essentially, you put yourself into. Life sucks that way sometimes. For instance, when you were younger and your friends used to be in a bit of a tiff, and it always ended up with you having to choose a side. Like dude, why would you do that to me? Rude. In my case, I tend to stay neutral. Basically, what I’m trying to say is I completely abort the situation. I run the other direction. No shame. This tactic I have acquired has helped me more times than I wish to admit, but hey at least I got out. When I say “got out,” I mean I let the scenario dissipate in a way. It’s a blessing. So this may all sound a bit confusing. What is she talking about, you might ask. I simply mean the good ole “love triangle.” In my case it has ended up being a love rhombus, hexagon, maybe even an octagon. All of the geometric shapes. And now, the good stuff begins.
By Miyah Henderson7 years ago in Humans
Millennials Next Target
Millennials. Is there nothing these pesky "young adults" won't try to ruin? First, they get married and stay married. Who told them that this was OK? Divorce was invented so that we didn't have to stay with one partner anymore. This is what our forefathers wanted for us. The ability to divorce and to have Donald Trump as President. He says the things that we wish we could like "covfefe." Brilliant. But Millennials don't like him either because they don't like nice things. Now, they have a new target in their sights and plan on destroying an industry that only makes billions of dollars a year: The wedding industry!
By Edward Anderson7 years ago in Humans
But It Could Be
It was my fourth birthday party. Everybody was there. It was a few months before my parent's separation, so they were still living in the same house. All of my cousins, both of my grandmothers and one of my grandfathers, uncles, and aunts. Everyone. That was the last time I had a birthday party with everyone together. I had a huge Barbie birthday cake and it was the best thing I had ever seen. Everyone had sung "Happy Birthday" and I had just blown out the candles when my brother stood up on the chair next to me and slammed his face into the cake before I could eat any of it. My dad went out and got a regular one from the store, but it just wasn't the same as my big Barbie one.
By Madison Belknap7 years ago in Humans
I Have a Really Nice Ass
I always took an extra 15 minutes to make sure my eyeliner was as even as possible and my eyelashes weren't clumpy in the slightest. I wore my retainer every night so my teeth stayed straight, and I always used whitening strips on the weeks I drank coffee. I glued on fake nails so often that I went through three tubes of glue since school started.
By Stormy Robertson7 years ago in Humans
Henry VIII's Letter to an Agony Aunt
I've been doing some short writing courses since last year and one piece of homework we've been given is to write is King Henry VIII's letter to an agony aunt. I've always been immersed in the Tudor Era like many other people so I felt it was right up my street.
By Chloe Gilholy8 years ago in Humans
6 Types of People You Will See on Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day: The time of year when the universe celebrates the obvious timely successes of Purdys, Hallmark, and Kleenex. In the advanced world of social media, it is this such once-a-year date that V-Day stomps into our lives with its Godzilla-sized foot, putting its scaly pressure on the boyfriends of the world to get their sh*t together without the help of Netflix-and-Procrastination, while the girlfriends of the world are pushed to post their cheesiest, most red-heart-filled photos showing just how in love they are with their masculine counterparts. Now, we all know how difficult it can be to navigate the dangerous waters of Valentine's Day. So, to make everyone's lives just a bit easier and perhaps also to prepare you for what's in store this chocolate-decorated season, I've compiled an organized list of creatures you might come across this V-Day for you to keep an eye on. Bonus points if you can spot one of each this 14th of Feb.
By Delilah Jayde8 years ago in Humans
Leftover Disappointment
Good Morning Readers, This juicy insider has some fried chicken to serve up this morning, and it isn’t KFC! Could it be that dating and compatibility can both be mutually exclusive, yet somewhat genetic and perhaps astrological? Nevertheless, this dance danced, was more of a step, than a step-touch. Though in the life of a single gay millennial, craving more than what the present situation offers, dating today, still seems to be somewhat complicated for me, an empath. Thus, other than taking myself out for a drink and a writing session -like I normally would, this "potential-guy" implanted a desire in me to go outside my bubble of comfort, for a little real-life interaction. I log into SCRUFF yet again... was I to experience a pleasure or the joke of the week? Hoping he’d say he’s too busy to meet, he contrarily and overzealously, like a cartoon character dashing in speed, with a cloud of smoke left behind, races to the bar.
By Gossip Gay8 years ago in Humans
5 Ways to Defeat the Millennial
Often painted as overbearing, self-centered, Wi-Fi obsessed, generational monsters… We found the problem child: The Millennial. What do we do when the fabric of America is now in the hands of people who say your outfit is “on fleek,” or always want someone to “spill the tea?” Can we agree that “shade” should come from trees and not disgruntled naysayers?
By Adam Silva8 years ago in Humans
Am I a Soft Boy?
For as long as I was able to look for categories of belonging in books, on the television, movies, fashion articles, I had always managed to discard those as proper descriptors for who I felt I was. You can’t put people in a box, you can’t just sum a whole human person up by a couple of token pieces of clothes, commonly-used expressions, vaguely ascribed character traits and call off 150 years of painstaking psycho-analysis. That is my hardcore belief that, whatever happens, there is more than meets the eye with every person I’ve met, than any bullshit denominator could say about them. Even when I do judge someone based on the facial hair that dangles off their membrane, there’s always this moment when I stop being a garbage piece of judgmental weirdo once I actually talk to the non-ironical type-writer user, manbun-sporting milk-and-sugar-with-a-dash-of-coffee drinking guy.
By Public Mistake8 years ago in Humans
Beloved Couple Back in Town for Short Time Hopes Everyone Can Meet up at Jack's Pizza
Every town has one. The couple that seems to have "got it right." Every single detail, flawless upon first glance, and on further inspection one might find that even the roughest patches in the relationship pale in comparison to how terrible your last drunken hookup turned out.
By Robbie Robinson8 years ago in Humans
