humanity
For better or for worse, relationships reveal the core of the human condition.
Is this the end?
Today was the day that I finally realized that I will never open up again. I am a very shy person and do not open up easily, so when I do it is a big deal for me. I was married for 6 years and had 3 kids with him. We separated and I did have a few flings but never actually went out on a date or actually tried to have a relationship with any of them for over 2 years. Among other reasons I was totally convinced that there was no man in this world that would want to date a woman with three kids, so I didn't even want to try, why put myself through all of that just to get let down? Well during one of these flings the condom broke and you guessed it, I got pregnant with my fourth child. Now I was really undesirable, no one in their right mind would want a woman with 4 kids! And especially not while I was pregnant. Well imagine my surprise when a former co-worker reached out to me and wanted to go on a date! I was very upfront about everything, and I was very obviously 6 months pregnant. He listened to me tell him about how up in the air my life was and he still wanted to pursue a relationship with me. It had been 2 years since I had been in a relationship and I was scared to death to try again but I went for it. I told him what I would expect out of him as far as my children go and he was agreeable to it all! I was so excited and couldn't believe how lucky I was to find a man who not only wanted me but also my children! This was looking to be the best thing that happened to me all year! But as they say, If it looks to good to be true than it usually is. It was to good to be true. After we had been dating for 3 months I knew I was in love and I wanted so bad to tell him but I knew he wasn't quite there yet so I kept my mouth shut, well at 4 months I was sure that he would feel the same way and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I agonized over the perfect way to say it, let me just set the stage for you, this is how I did it. We were laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, we had just had a wonderful day together, and he said he was going to go to sleep, I responded with, "I love you." He was looking at me and he froze up and then asked, "What?" But with a squeaky voice that was begging me to tell him that he misheard me. well instead of taking the hint I repeated what I had said in a much louder voice that he couldn't deny hearing. He froze and stared at me with that deer in the headlights look. I was sort of prepared for this, though it still hurt, you can not rush the other persons feelings can you? So in an attempt to squelch the awkwardness I kissed him and said goodnight and rolled over so my back was to him. Then I proceeded to silently cry myself to sleep. I was sure that he felt the same way but that reaction was enough to tell me I was wrong about that. I did try and prepare myself for this reaction though, like I said you can not rush a person to feel the same way that you do so I was prepared to wait. Well the next week was awkward and he was really off, I knew that I spooked him. He texts me and breaks up with me saying that its because he is just not prepared to take on 4 kids. I was very upset because I knew this was a bullshit excuse since we had discussed the kids a lot and I knew exactly how he felt about them, but he went right for the throat when he said that because he knew how insecure I am about that. So I let him go. Well he texts me the next day saying that he mad a huge mistake he just freaked out cause this is all moving so fast. So like the idiot I am, I take him back. Well it has been an additional 2 months and he still isn't in love with me. The problem is unrequited love tends to fester like an infection in your heart, the longer you love someone who doesn't love you back, the more it hurts. And what do we tend to do when we are hurt? That's right put up walls. So here I am and all I wanna do is let myself continue to develop feelings for this man but self preservation is pushing him away. I want so badly to be with him, and I like so much about him, we click in so many ways and have the same hobbies and interests. But how long can I stand to be in a loveless relationship where I am the only one that cares about the other? And if it took this long for him to get feelings for me how long will it take for him to care for the children? and children are not patient beings. Is this the end? If so how do I end it? How do you break up with someone who you are in love with?
By Crafty Family5 years ago in Humans
Just a Spark
In a small town on the border of Idaho and Wyoming is where I saw him. He was a heavyset weathered man with a gun attached to his hip shoving clothes into a commercial washing machine in the same laundry mat we had come to wash our ski clothes in the middle of a week-long ski trip. It was apparent this man had little, yet he felt the need to have a gun strapped to his belt in a one-stoplight town that catered to skiers from a popular resort nearby. Being from Montana, I am not usually triggered by a man carrying a gun but, on this cold November evening, I was instantly filled with genuine curiosity that made me want to know this man's story. However, as a general rule, I don't usually strike up conversations with strange men, especially men with the need of carrying weapons in a place where the biggest threat seemed to be possible flooding from a malfunctioning washing machine. Even if I had the courage to break my rule and approach this stranger, Covid was ravishing the northwest, making conversations with strangers even more challenging. Therefore, I will never know this man's story, yet my imagination seems to want to attach a history to him. This curiosity has provided me with the motive of trying to understanding my own curiosity.
By Marci Brodock5 years ago in Humans
Just saying
It's December. A time when we are all expected to be cheery. When we are expected to give to others and feel some special magical feeling. I used to feel it. Even when I was working retail and had to endure everyone's moods, stress and the endless months of Christmas music.
By Lee Naylor5 years ago in Humans
An Airport Christmas
I was so excited. It was my first time in five years going to see my family for Christmas and I was bringing my boyfriend for the first time to meet my family. Usually, I would be caught up in work and not able to go home for the holidays. But I finally had the time off and the man of my dreams to spend the holiday with, along with my family. It was already going to be the best Christmas ever. And it came at the best time, my grandfather had been really sick about a month ago and the rest of my family were very concerned about his health. So on top of just wanting to see my family for this major holiday, there was a chance it would be the last Christmas I would get to spend with my grandfather. I think it goes without saying, that with all that in mind, Christmas this year had to be perfect, no exceptions.
By Eliza Vargas5 years ago in Humans
Letting the Walls Down but Then Building Them Higher
It all starts just over 4 years ago, I finally let the walls I had built up come down and dated my best friend. He was always there for me just like I was there for him, but things soon changed. I changed, January of 2017 I was in an armed robbery at my job and held at knife point, I never actually dealt with it and because I never sought out help it became PTSD. The more I pretended the robbery never happened, the more the nightmares happened. It caused my anger to become so bad that it ruined the best relationship I ever had. We started fighting over the littlest of things, turned out my insecurities about dating a volunteer Fire Fighter/EMT were part of what destroyed the relationship. A few months later he wanted to try the friends with benefits card, I warned him that it wouldn't work, that one of us would catch feelings. Turns out I was right, I caught feelings, but he chose to play games and keep my on the side while he decided to date someone else. The biggest problem was that I lived in an apartment with him and shared a room with him. Things went to hell on May 2nd, 2019 when we had the most explosive argument, we went months where we would either ignore each other or fight over the phone. That whole thing caused my walls to go up even higher than it once was. It has caused me to have a stone-cold heart towards love. Here it is, the end of 2020 and I still have such a hard time trying to overcome al the heartache and pain. The texts only come now when he wants something, is bored or booty call. It has taken me a long time to get over the fact that time and time again, there are broken promises from him, but now for the last 3 to 4 months, it has been broken promises and ghosting. I thought that I could handle being friends with him because of how long we have known each other but now I can’t handle it. I can’t handle how my heart breaks every time I see his name pop up on my phone. I tried so hard to delete old things with him but it is so hard because so many memories, good, bad and down right ugly are there. He was there when my very first boyfriend mentally, verbally, and emotionally abused me, he was there when I went through major depression after my grandfather passed away. Just knowing that I am now barely even a thought to him as a friend even, it emotionally kills me because I never treated him like that. I always treated him so much better than what he treated me and that was my mistake. It was my mistake keeping hope that there was a ever a chance to keep the friendship alive. I make jokes to some of my friends that when I die of old age, my tombstone will read “always the “friend” never a lover. Always alone” and it’s sad that I can’t express how I truly feel to him because I am scared that my words will be taken the wrong way and it would lead to more arguments and fights. It’s not what I want, I just want him back as my friend.
By Stephanie Dana5 years ago in Humans
Introductions Please
Hey everyone! What can I say? I'm the new kid on the block and hoping to make it big, just like everyone else. But Sasha, what sets you apart? Well, there are a few things actually. So, I grew up in a very small town in northern Maryland. I spent 22 years in the state before moving cross-country for a relationship (that ultimately would fall apart) in Colorado. I learned a lot about myself during the relationship because I found someone who was hurting themselves and created a toxic space that I'd eventually see and walk away from. When that six-year relationship ended, that's when I started to flourish.
By Sasha Sparks5 years ago in Humans
