humanity
For better or for worse, relationships reveal the core of the human condition.
December 11
The night before I woke to a dark 5am, I was panicking about my toothache. I had just gone to the dentist, sat in the chair for a restless two hours, gasping when I felt a pinch and wiggling my nose to free it from the numbness. I spent the rest of my day in worry, cursing the pain, the searing soreness of my gums. My worry bled into the night, and no amount of funny tv shows could push it away, so I did just about all I could do, I went to bed.
By Evan Elizabeth 5 years ago in Humans
7 Things You Will Lose if You Don’t Learn to Really Listen to Others
If we analyze our usual behavior, we see that our tendency is more to talk than to listen to others. This habit is harmful to us in several aspects, namely because it often takes us to situations of conflict and stress that can be avoided if we practice active listening.
By Zen Michael5 years ago in Humans
This Strange Thing Called Growth
I am at a new stage in my life and because of that I am thinking differently and that sets me apart from everyone I have ever known and loved. I am ready for something else. Something new. The next stage of my life I guezz you could call it.
By Vanessa Crawford5 years ago in Humans
Learn to be okay, not being okay
The perception of strength is a funny thing. We all have inner demons and we all have our own way we deal with them. I am a 'meet a challenge head-on' kind of thinker and I fought my way out of some inner darkness. Even so, there are times when I realize; I'm still not okay, and there's nothing wrong with that. This was really driven home a few weeks ago in 2 conversations; one with a long time friend and one with my boyfriend, who asked me a lot of soul-searching questions I could not answer.
By sith queen5 years ago in Humans
Chris and Randy
I live here now and the small changes that a yearly visit used to make clear are hidden in plain sight. I sit and watch as they deal with their human incarnation. I wonder what they think of this person, their only son, perched on a stool, eating their food, without a plan. At any point in your life may be midway through and not know.
By Christian Webber5 years ago in Humans
Drugs, Girls, Crime, Prison, University & Near Deaths (DGCPUND) Part 5
READ PART 1, 2, 3 & 4 BEFORE THIS... I could barely focus on anything. My mind was very occupied, what if something bad has happened to her. Why would they switch off her phone? plus the dads tone was distressing. I couldn't hustle that night, instead spent some time walking around the same streets with one of my friends. He was trying his best to motivate me and keep my mood lifted. We got to an off license and bought a 1 liter bottle of Vodka with a mixer. We drank as we talked about our troubles and life in general. That helped a lot, having someone there to take my mind away, it would have been harder if I had to go through that alone. I managed to find some peace but then suddenly my phone went off. It was an alarm that I had set to get in touch with her, to check if she was okay. I tried her phone one more time but the same result. The line was disconnected. I told my boy that I was going to go check up on her. "Fam fuck that just stay here man, you don't need to check up on her she is alright" he said. I had to go...something may have been up with her. I did not want that on my conscience for sure. Even though I knew I was not in the wrong to break up with her, I just had to go. So me thinking this was some type of happy ending shit got on the last train and made my way to hers. Even if I got a simple word from her family members that she was fine then I would have been able to find some peace. I kept trying her phone throughout the journey, hoping it would turn on and that I could make my way back home. The same result, the line was disconnected. When I did arrive on her road I thought twice about ringing the buzzer. I mean I doubt her family would want to see me let alone me turning up at their place near midnight. I just had to find out what had happened to her. So I rang the buzzer and a few moments later the mother answered. "Hello, can you tell me if she is ok?" I asked hesitantly. She started shouting and telling me to go away. She said that I had made her ill and that I was no good. I started walking away from the flat but then suddenly the father ran out. He approached me violently and punched me. I didn't feel anything. I just spat out some blood and continued to ask where she was. I mean the father was in his late 50s striking him may have caused serious injuries. I was too drunk anyway, I felt nothing. Her brother came out with a biker helmet along with her body builder cousin. They all told me to fuck off, and not to show my face here again. "Ok...ok...just tell me she is ok!" I shouted. We all walked to the top of her road as her father requested I get on my knees. I think he was upset about his daughter having got on her knees for a man. He could see I was not going to budge and so the cousin rang the police. They said that I was intimidating them. Can you believe that? An ex army/prison officer, a massive body builder and her brother with a biker helmet against me. Apparently I looked like a threat to them? that didn't even make sense. "Fuck it...call the police then, they can't do anything anyway!" I yelled. I was lost in a whirlwind of emotions. Anger and pain, tears rolling down my eyes. Why wouldn't they just tell me she was ok? Why were they behaving like that? It did not make sense to me. Eventually the police came and I tried to come across ethical. I explained how I had come to check up on my girlfriend after a break up. I never told them that the father had struck me, I wouldn't have anyway. Not only did I not want him to lose his job, I had held harder punches in the past, it was nothing. "Your lips are a bit red" the police man pointed out. I explained that I had fell and that I was fine. Her family left with the younger officer as I continued to speak to the senior one. "Look mate, to be honest I watched a romantic film and drank a lot. I thought I would come here and sort things out with my girlfriend. I know the timing was bad but I was not thinking rationally" I explained confidently. The officer seemed to get it. He said he understood and that he had a son himself. We spoke about some random things, football and his dedication to the 'force'. When the younger officer approached he looked very uncomfortable. "Can you just put out the fag please mate" he said confusedly. I put out the cigarette and waited for him to speak again. He explained how a statement had been written against me and that I was under arrest. Apparently for abusing and physically laying hands on my girlfriend. "What the fuck?!? What are you on about" I asked. The officer explained how it was just an accusation and that the statement had no evidence. He was really kind to me throughout the journey. He joked a lot with me and was pretty much on my side. We spoke about Manchester United and how the team had degraded over the years. We both were very disappointed with the current management of the team. When I got to the station they placed me in an extremely cold cell. I was literally going crazy, I did not know what was happening. I kept ringing the bell asking them to let me out, I was finding it hard to breathe. I felt like my heart was about to explode. I tried to sleep on the mattress but there was no use. So many thoughts were going round in my head, who had written a statement against me? Maybe it was the father worried that I would tell them about him punching me. Maybe this was their way of evening out the consequences. After what felt like one of the worse nights in my life my cell door was swung open. I was guided to the interview room where I met up with a female police officer in charge of family issues and domestic abuse. She spoke to me briefly about the rules of the interview and that it was not a formal one. "You don't need a solicitor, but if you want one then you will have to wait for a while" she explained. I did not want a solicitor and so I asked who had written the statement. She explained that it was my girlfriend. What the fuck? So she was in the house? Why didn't she come out? I was in a state of shock. That news had upset me more than anything. Here was me running around the city to make sure she was ok. Not only did she not come out of the house to tell me she was feeling fine, she had written a statement against me. She had said that I would abuse her sometimes in the middle of the night after having dreams. Also that I had pushed her on a table and various other nonsense. Most of which were either over exaggerated or made up. I understood that she was only trying to protect her father. What an idiot, I wouldn't have told them that he had hit me. I was so heart broken. After everything I had done for her she couldn't even come outside for a second or show her face. Instead got me placed back in a cage like a dog. She knew how much I had tried to improve my life and for her to place me back in that environment. So anyway time went by, I explained all I could in the interview. The officer looked bored as if she wanted me to finish already. I used the interview to defend myself, the accusations were serious ones. Also I guess it was therapeutic. They released me a few hours later on bail. They said for me not to contact her, go to her work place or visit her family home for at least 28 days. All of her things were in my house. The officer said she will find a few of her friends to come and collect everything. It was a very difficult time for me. How could I get over a breakup with all of her things at mine. I didn't sleep, eat or move much for nearly two weeks. My family were so worried about me, I was not myself. I lost a significant amount of weight. I wrote in one of her journals to contact me, I needed to know why she had written that statement against me. I tried to code the letter in a way the police wouldn't understand, using words only me and her knew the meaning. When her distant family members came with 2 police officers to collect her things, I placed the book amongst it all. I waited for her to get in touch, to explain...but she didn't. I secretly even went to her work place, but she was not there. Just before the end of the 28 days I got a call from the station saying that the charges were all dropped. That the 'victim', my girlfriend in this case, had retrieved the statement. "She is in a very bad place, I think its best you 2 to avoid each other completely. You are toxic as it appears...do not contact her!" she explained. Fuck that! I needed some answers and closure. So I found one of her old email addresses from work and wrote her an email. It was a pretty long one requesting answers. That surely she did not love me to do that. I just wanted to release myself in order to get over it. She did not reply for a few days. It was exhausting not knowing anything. My mental health deteriorated...until finally she wrote back...
By Ali Elyas Shahali5 years ago in Humans
Unconventional
Fatima (pronounced Fa-tee-mah) is a name I had to grow to appreciate. My mother named me after a little girl she met while in the Labor and Delivery unit. My mom shared the room with her sister after having me. The young starlight was too tiny to visit the new addition to her family, and was often spotted outside the door peeking through the glass, her big, bountiful eyes peering through bared hope and excitement. This tickled my mother enough to inquire on who she was. She carried an exuberance my mother wished for me to have one day. Her rich and dark melanin, matched mine, so smooth and pure like a black pearl. I guess it was only befitting to name me after her.
By Fatima C. Oliver5 years ago in Humans
Dreams
I want to start off by saying I have been married for 17 years, but my husband and I have been together for 20 plus years. I have never been an insecure woman, but since I have been getting older and have seen some changes in me, I have become a little insecure. A lot of people tell me don't think like that you look good for a woman who had 4 kids. First of all that does not make me feel better so because I had four kids this is what I am suppose to look like now if I did not have those four kids what would be wrong with me? Anyways, getting off my drama binge, Lately I have been having very vivid dreams. Almost as if they where really, Honestly sometimes my dream comes true but months later and it feels like Deja Vue. It is freaky actually, Well the other night I had this dream that my husband of 17 years left me for another woman. Here is the kicker he never tried to hide it from me, it was as if he was letting me know that we where done.
By Daisy Rodriguez5 years ago in Humans
Blue.
Blue is the color of wanting something but you can't touch. Its loving but not accepting the hatred that follows with ignorance. Shadows fortold of a time when i couldn't embellish a better withdraw of better sought after time and thought. Blue was wanting you but you wouldn't come closer. You hid form me and let me bond with my other friends before your drift began to resway a time of relished thoughts. Never did i think you would turn around and never did you ever turn around so i remain blue in my entirety. Not happy am i blue? But i am happy and enjoying my time as blue. Sky being a blue hue before my time of days ends. It only sways blue and black and then repeating back. I long to be blue other than other colors. Yellow second pardons at a time of bright and longing longevity of interests swayed towards happiness and kinder thoughts. Blue was the color of wanting something i couldn't have but i am still quite happy with being this hue. A deeper shade of blue relics black and i wonder whether i am left waiting as black or blue some nights because of how cold and long awaited i am to others out there that i wish to respect. Yellow mocks my entirety but i happy more than ever with the hue of blue and yellow and black all dancing and frolicing under the white stars that i wish would echo out other hues. Blue is the color of something i ever always wanted. Moreover do i ever echo the sweet sounds of blue cascading over skies of grey and black and golden yellow hues. Before my very eyes in the wake of gardens for ages to come. Never do i waste an effort of color. It can always be divided and retimed to a bigger scripture. Blue is like riding a wave in the ocean at curves tide wakening among a sea of colorful divided hues of blue. Waking under a tree beneathe thousands of flowers and a sky full of misty blue hues. Wondering what it is to make a next hue of blue is like an imagination remaking a scene. To change the hue and bond with other hues is exclaiming a change among a imagination of colors wondering what is next to their awakening.
By Kaili L Baker5 years ago in Humans
Who am I
I believe that I have struggled with this question, well, for my entire life. I still don’t think I can answer such a simple question. I, like many, look to God for my identity. My problem seems to be that I want to be TOLD who I am. For me, if I don’t keep MY focus simple, I end up begging and crying for everybody’s approval, except my own. I completely lose my self-worth! I believe that I have struggled with this for years & years, but today, I choose to focus on moving forward in a positive direction.
By Amanda Jones5 years ago in Humans
Trauma and Hope
A story of hope for the new year. Let's enjoy it while it lasts. The holiday season is a dream for most children. The lights and pageantry. Telling Santa what they want most and how good they have been. It's an ingenious marketing strategy for a capitalist system. Money buys the stuff that the kids want and need. Christmas morning and presents from out of nowhere are under the tree. It's one of the greatest traditions for parents to watch their loved ones give and receive gifts. Shrieks of joy and surprise. The child gets older and it seems to lose momentum. Eventually, for a lot of adults, the holidays become a nightmare.
By James S. Carr5 years ago in Humans
