The Darkest Sunrise
Bio
Just a girl and her words <3
Stories (93)
Filter by community
When Love Turns to Labor
Life feels different now without him. Quiet. Almost like the nights we would spend whispering as the starlight spilled in through the fifth-story window of his apartment. Only this silence is hollow. It carves a piece of me out like the first fall pumpkin. Gutted. Spilled out for the world to see. Its seeds represent the very act of what it means to be a lover girl. Often our words are eaten and forgotten, too.
By The Darkest Sunrise24 days ago in Humans
Once A Child . Content Warning.
From the moment we open our eyes—crying in a cold, sterile hospital— the conditions of love begin to blossom. Living and growing in our mother’s bellies only holds a safe place for nearly a year before we were quite literally ejected into chaos we didn’t ask for. From that point on there are conditions to the amount of love and respect we receive. From birth when we are “good babies” in the nursery, the nurses praise us for our cooperation, whereas fussy babies, while still looked at as precious cute creations, are deemed more difficult. Though this example is rather vague and lacks depth into the true meaning of conditional love, it is a pivotal reminder of how we enter and leave this world. Alone.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 months ago in Psyche
Redefining Commitment: Beyond the Legal Bind of Marriage
Although I've never been married, I'd have to imagine that marriage, to some degree, holds immense value for those participating. I've only met the love of my life last year. It's been a significant learning curve to accept peace over chaos, even when that means not conforming to social norms. However, when I reflect on my life with him, I don't envision marriage for us. To me, marriage feels so contractual that it burdens the true unity that it is meant to represent.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 months ago in Humans
Crawling Back To You
More times than I can count, I've sat wondering who I truly was beneath all of the shame. I wondered if I was brilliant or if I was truly destined to remain in this child-like state of confusion. Walking the world wondering my purpose as I hide in the shadows of who I knew I wasn't, yet who I'd always been. I'd been dripping in a victimhood so carefully built by those around me who claimed that their love for me meant more than what society views love and friendship as today. I spent so much time in the comfort of being the victim that I hadn't paid any attention to the fact that while these people were building this victimhood, I was handing them the nails and hammer.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 months ago in Psyche
Trying Chicken Parm For The First Time
I know what you're thinking. What the hell right? Who on this Earth hasn't tried chicken parm? ME. And yes, it is as embarrassing as it sounds. For a long time, I lived with anxiety, which made it very hard for me to branch out when it came to pretty much anything. This, of course, included food.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 months ago in Feast
The Complexities of Co-Dependency
Have you ever met a person who couldn't do the simplest of tasks on their own? That person might even be you. There is always a deeper understanding of things like introverts, extroverts, the ego, etc., within society. The idea that someone doesn't like to be surrounded by noise isn't too uncommon. Just like the idea that an individual is their best drowning in a sea of people. Sometimes, you can struggle with an entirely different aspect of self. One that might even make you lose your own. Co-dependency.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 months ago in Psyche
The Peace Within Accountability
There is peace in accountability. If you’d met me several years ago, you couldn’t have paid me to admit that. The truth is, several years ago, I myself was oblivious to this notion. I’d been in conflict after conflict and not one time had I come out on the bottom of it, even if I truly had. If I said it was so, you couldn’t convince me otherwise. And oh, honey I would die on that hill. There was something powerful about lacking any control for much of my life, eventually learning that I can build my own narrative beautifully crafted in any way that I want. What did I want? Control. How did I get it? By being right. Ultimately, I spent over twenty seven of the twenty-eight years on this Earth failing at what I now know as gaslighting. Crafting weak fairytales in a vain attempt to keep what little control I had over my life.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 months ago in Psyche
Born At 28. Content Warning.
Never in my life had I imagined a day where I could wake up, stretching my arms to the sky as the goose bumps danced along my skin....without that feeling. That deep rooted anguish that floods in after that painfully short second of nothingness. That second when you wake up and for a moment you are unaware of the pain. A second of mercy before reality sets in, overpowered by that pit in your stomach and that growing hole in your chest.
By The Darkest Sunrise7 months ago in Psyche
How to Stop People Pleasing
One day in my childhood, I decided that I would be the source of everyone's happiness. There was a guilt so perfectly fashioned in my chest. Yet, I'd been oblivious to the fact that it never even belonged to me. For years all I wanted was to be seen, loved, and heard. The majority of my life was fueled by the desire to be loved. This took me down many dark paths that bring me shame to this day. There is grace in my deliverance, however. A moment that I can breathe. Only I always come back to the shame. Always. This same shame gave me the motivation to discover who it truly belonged to. I have been an astronomical part of my downfall. While I am aware of this now, I did not get myself to this point alone. I had the help of so many, only now in adulthood it is my responsibility to mend these broken pieces of my life. No, it isn't fair, but it is necessary.
By The Darkest Sunriseabout a year ago in Psyche
