The Complexities of Co-Dependency

Have you ever met a person who couldn't do the simplest of tasks on their own? That person might even be you. There is always a deeper understanding of things like introverts, extroverts, the ego, etc., within society. The idea that someone doesn't like to be surrounded by noise isn't too uncommon. Just like the idea that an individual is their best drowning in a sea of people. Sometimes, you can struggle with an entirely different aspect of self. One that might even make you lose your own. Co-dependency.

Growing up I knew that one day I would have my chance to be my own person. My childhood lacked emotional expression or true freedom due to generational curses. So day by day as I continued to survive a childhood I truly was unable to process, my sense of who I was diminished slowly. So slow that I didn't even realize it until I had become a parent myself and realized the amount of adult decisions I'd put into the world.

I give myself grace because I wasn't taught how to make these adult decisions which for some people may have seemed liked common sense. However, there is no sense in the aisle of complex trauma. Not that that excuses the mistakes I've made along the way. Trauma for trauma is the reason the world burns with madness today. Essentially, my inner self withered away to almost nothing, getting so small that I struggled intensely with overthinking and making my own decisions. As I continue to learn my role in my life, healing from my past as well as the historical curses of my family, I've found that I have lived most of my life anxiously attached to others. My mood was solely dependent upon the moods of others and I soon was demoted to a double position of people pleaser and codependent.

Here are a few signs you may struggle with codependency:

Feeling Guilt When Spending Time Alone

Alone time in any relationship is crucial in order to eliminate room for resentments in area of the relationship. Whether it is a friend or a romantic interest that you find yourself feeling a sense of guilt when you choose to spend your time to yourself could be a hint that you are in a codependent relationship.

All of Your Free Time Is Consumed Worrying About The Relationship

Every relationship has moments where reassurance is validly neccessary. However, if y0u find yourself losing time in your day, neglecting responsibilities such as self care and personal hygiene, as well as many other daily responibilities, replacing these daily tasks with worry surrounding your relationship, that is a clear indication of codepedency.

Constant Need For Aprroval

In a world where everyone is entitled to their opinion it is almost impossible to have the 100% approval from virtually anyone in all areas of life. Sometimes we see things differently in things like politics or parenting. In other areas we may differ in the foods we eat and drink staking a claim on which ones reign king over all. When the disapproval of another causes such turmoil in your life that it affects the way that you look at yourself on a deeper level than casual self reflection, you may in fact be in a codependent relationship.

Inability to Cultivate Independence

Existing in a codependent relationship can mean a stunted growth in things we all may think someone should do by a certain point of human development. It may be harder for a codependent individual to branch out into the adult world because of the lack of structure or knowledge the outside world presents.

Financial/ Emotional Dependency

Depending on anyone for finances, shelter, or emotional regulation is a huge sign of codependency.

Final Thoughts

These relationships can be mended with hard work, dedication, and a little accountability. Co-dependency is a scary reminder that we can lose ourselves at any given moment, but when we are proactive in our healing we can find the tools to never get lost again.