Do I Look Like Him?

She remembered the smell of his cigarettes

The way the smell of Bud Light danced

Along the white corners of his mouth

"I love you baby." He said.

The man she should look to in distress

Felt like nothing more than a stranger who shared her face

She thought maybe this was it

Maybe he'd finally seen her

The way she had always imagined him

But in due time

Like always

The smell of his cigarettes faded

From the shirt she slept with

Tears would sting her eyes

As he would pass her to voicemail

Like he'd pass her off to his father

During visits

And just like that

He was gone

But this time

For good

Shortly after

The love for herself followed

A girl wrapped in chaos

Searching for acceptance

Craving love she only saw in movies

Longing for a family

A mother and father

A home that felt safe

But most importantly

For her father to finally see her

The way she saw him

But his addiction meant more than their blood

His selfishness oozed from his bottle of whiskey

Year after year

Cardless birthday after cardless birthday

Childlike confusion began to seep into her adult life

She began to chip away at her self-respect

In an attempt to fill the void

Man after man

Lie after lie

Manipulation after manipulation

And then it finally happened

However, he still didn't see her

But she finally saw him

Her father

Only it was the reflection

She'd have to live with

For the rest of her life