josh napper
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her story
Her story i dont think i can get myself in any more trouble with her, so to start things with this blog talking about my faith i wont start with my dad thinking I'll be locked up by the age of 18, or almost getting kicked out of school or even falling for a fake princess. I'm actually gonna start off with what got me to go into church for what for my recall is the first time in my 20 plus years life going to church. looking back on it i feel like i did want to wanna go but I'll rather stay home drinking and smoking or just watching youtube. but I'm a guy in my 20's who can have a crush on a blonde Christian girl who can beat me a game of 21-0 by the score of 21-0 that i never talked to in high school but had her on Facebook. however at that time i knew that i was the last person that would have a shot with her. living with my mom, no car, a fast food job, half teeth basically and had nothing go for him is such top line picking by the girls. nah. still to this day if you asked me what kind of guy does she deserve i'll answer with this a strong, successful, smart starting qb or that point gaurd on a undefeated championship team who drives the fancy cars and lives in the fancy houses. thats not really my life is it. so my dumbass figured well a lot of guys are probably texting her, messeging her how she looks or etc so whats one thing that guys are most lilkely scared to do. yea show up to her church. yea yea i know how that sounds but in my head i was like thats how i can stand out. but yea that wasn't a good idea at all, and by the way i'm not good at hiding my feelings even til this day.even though i wanted to go to church for non girl related it still took a girl to get me to go. however time passes and things were ended, both had left. so on easter i finally returned about 2 years later. she hasn't and lets be real probably wont ever talk to yours truly. i returned because it was time to return to him and because honestly i felt like i let her down by not being myself back then and i want redemtiption. i wont lie, i blame myself for her leaving the church, i blame myself for not being me back then. looking back on things it hurts because i can handle being myself and not doing the impossible, but not being me and taking the time to have a bond with the man upstairs. so here i am going around doing what i'm doing proving to those who put their time in to better me wasn't wasted, im doing what im doing to prove my haters wrong and i'm showing them two middle fingers. but im also wanting to do what as redemtipon. i wont lie do i still have a crush on her, yea because look at her- not just her skin but her personaitly. however its more then that. someone that is her unoffcialy dad and someone that has become my 3rd dad has heard me say this way to many times- i want rededmtion. because i cant let the story end with my biggest mistake. i did this, i made her hate me. just my mindset that i overcome my mistakes. some say dont let the past control you but the past drives me. when i feel down i think of everyone that betrayled me, the heartbreaks of my story,etc. her hating me is ending the story halfway. i dont leave stuff done half way. am i using god to get rededtption with her, in a sense. because its about accepting where i went wrong and him telling me to keep focused. but heres the thing at the same time i'm becoming a better man, chrisitan, co-worker and friend. tho its hard for me to move on simply because those closet to me knows that im the type of guy that dont leave things unfinished and if i get myself on your bad side because of my stupidness i'm gonna earn another chance.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Confessions
the return of the prince
months ago, just as Jake wins the world title, barely standing with the former injuries and new injuries due to the match and the crowd is screaming in celebration and Hayley is holding his hand raised, the locker room is around the ring clapping and just as the crowd thinks that the show is over. bam. Tony drops Jake with a major spear. He grabs the mic and he reminds the locker room that his contract says he's untouchable and anyone that gets in his way here will be heavily troubled. and along with his gang they destroy jake. putting him thru tables, steel chairs to the head and slamming him thru the announce tables. Tony finally goes to walk away but then he stops and tells his people to tear up the padding and once they do Tony drops him head first onto the exposed concrete. As soon as the heels leave, the medics quickly get to him to finally access all the injuries and the crowd is panned to see everyone in tears and throwing items at Tony and his team in disquiet. The entire locker room is on one knee except one person. hayley. All of Hayley's faces show one emotion. She knows Jake will be back.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Humans
nonlethal suicidal letter. Content Warning.
1. ok its time for me to break character here. i got nothing else to do to write this letter. the letter that will expalin why i did what i did. its the letter that when the one that finds my pale cold skin will find next to my body. its the letter that he or she will read with a tear in their eyes. it's the letter that the news will broadcast as a non lethal sucide letter.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Psyche
introduction to being the manager
Introduction: fast food, long hours, mc-loving it Being a MacDonald manager isn't the greatest job, it doesn't pay that great, its not even that good to put on a future job reference. However, it does pay the bills. Paying the bills is why we flip those patties and make the ice cream that is actually working today which is very surprising. Tho being the type of manager that I am I don't focus on the numbers- which my bosses aint so big fans of- instead I focus more on the impact that I have on my workers and the customers that I see daily or weekly. The idea is to give an insight into the heart and soul of why we should be doing this. I’ll only speak on the events that I either was directly involved in or was brought up to my attention by someone. The writings will be about those not so nice customers and the pleasant ones, it will be about my team going over and beyond, the struggles I fight against, the bonds I create, and the overall tone for the shift-weather that's being a good or bad or even terrible shift. Being a second shift manager i of course get to work with the high schoolers who are using us for their first jobs and as well as some adults that probably are the reason why some nights i don't honestly just say screw it and walk out. Though my manager in training could probably handle the floor for the rest of the night with no questions asked really. Who knows i might even know in a surprise once in a while. In no way am i saying my daily work life is the common or is silmair to any of the others managers -whether that's in my store or the one just down the street from your house. My general manager is there about 45 hours a week, i am there about fifty-five to sixy hours a week, so there is a lot that i see. I might not want to see the craziness that the job has but all jobs have them weather we like it or not so i just put the big manager pants on and go deal with it. My team isn’t just the people that i care about only at work, i care for them outside of work and, with certain information left out due to personally its not my place to disclose some certain details, i intend to showcase thier hard work inside the building as well as outside of the building. Not quite sure if im gonna write on my days off but knowing that even on my days off the nice old work drama still finds a way to my cell phone i’ll probally have a topic in mind for that day as well. For those wondering if i could get in trouble writing all these stories about the events from the time i clock in to the time i clock out and everything else. No. i actaully went out and asked one of my boss’s if i could write about the advangutues we go on and he said yes. The plan is to do one a day but knowing some nights i might throw out more then one. Some events just need to be givien their own personal story. Being in the hectic job evermiont it is not always the greatest place to be despite macdonalds being the so called happiest place to be, however with my team surrounding me there isnt anywhere else i wanna be at.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Writers
if you need me
If you need me, I'll show up. If you need a hand, then I'll offer you both of mine. If you need a hug then I'll hold you till the tears stop falling. if you need a smile i would gladly go find a mirror for you to look at. If you need a light then I'll bring you the sun.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Poets
just for you
i'm just a man with not much to show to be honest. bet you can count my change in my pockets on one hand. i cant sing you a love song but i'll write one the best i can. however i must confess it's gonna be chessy as hell. i mean just take a look at what words are on your screen now. i still gota take that driving test but i promise i'll never drive you crazzy...well maybe i shouldnt promise that. i may not be able to knock out that ex of yours but how about i just trip him and take your hand and run. i'll make you smile from ear to ear cuz thats all i want. well beside you in general obisuly.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Poets
promised
Intro: Once upon a time I made her a promise and I ain't gonna let her down. Lord knows she has faced way way too many false promises and wannabes. I know I am super fricken far away from being perfect but for her god knows I’m gonna show her how a real man is. He gets up and tries to start her day off good, then he goes to work so he can provide for the love of his life, no matter how pissed off the boss lady makes him feel, and then he picks up some flowers and chocolate on the way home when she texts him she’s had a bad day.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Poets
song for you
Ok now i'm just having fun typing these words out miss. so let me take a moment to speak to someone imporant to you. dear lord i pray you send a army of angels to this one angel in my dreams. dear lord i pray for her happiness to shine. dear lord i pray for her smile. dear lord i pray that she only drops tears of joy. dear lord i pray for all her dreams come true. dear lord i pray for everything her family and freinds ever wanted comes to them. dear lord i pray that she realizes just how stunning she is. lord i pray that when she realizes this is for her she actaully doesn't walk away.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Poets
life matter,
I haven't posted anything about whats going on until now. Not because whats going on doesn't affect me because it does. I got a man I look up to who has to figure out what to say to his kids. I got co-workers that are frightened of cops. I got neighbors that have to figure out what to say to their kids and are frightened of cops. Sure what happened in Dallas won't solve anything, but why did it happen? It happened because certain cops are going to far. When regular people break the law, they get punished. However when these “Bad” cops go to far, what happens? They get to go on vacation until a press conference is held saying the cop did his job. How is shooting a person that didn't need to be shot doing your job. That's like me telling my boss I did what he told me to do when I didn't. Cops are here to protect man,women, boys and girls. Cops are here to protect you no matter if your white,black,blue,red or any other color. If they don't then don't we as people have a right to stand up and speak our minds. True we have the responsibility to do it peacefully, I mean “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind”.(Gandhi) Think about this what if you son got shot by the cops. You would be heartbroken and want justice right? Yet I see posts saying that its their fault. Your telling me that if your son got shot in the head, you would still blame your kid and not the man behind the trigger? Some people are calling black lives matter is a hate group. Um no. Its simply a group of people wanting change. Let me ask you a question if you are white and your walking down the street and a black male shot you and you died on the spot, would you want people to say “well this is the bad stuff he did so its his fault” Some say black lives don't matter. Does yours? Every life does. It doesn't matter if you are homeless or live in a mansion. It doesn't matter what your job is. It doesn't matter how much is in your bank account. It doesn't matter what your skin color is. At the end of the day everyone is given the chance to wake up and do something with their lives. However because the color of skin, some are scared. Why should you be scared because the color of your skin?
By josh napperabout a year ago in Fiction
rise
Intro: after the day i had, after the failiures i've just had, after the critics have spoken i should give up but ya see i made this promise and for the one's that havent been told this i never break a promise. Sometimes I stop and wonder; Why me? But when I really think about, I realize that it's best it's me. I'm strong enough to get through. My life would break you.one minute, one hour, one day at a time...This is who I am...I am not a fake or a liar...what you see is what you get...and if you don't like what you see, then pretend you never met me!
By josh napperabout a year ago in Chapters
letter, dear kenna
Dear kenna, “ you never turn your back on family” might be one of my favorite movie quotes, but i learned the hard way that's not one of your values.now i have said plenty of times that you stabbed me thru my back as well as you stabbed me thru my heart, but you actually did more than that. You stabbed me through my ears because now I question everything someone tells me. You stabbed me through my mouth because now I question everything I tell someone. AS well stabbing me through my eyes because I now question everything I see. Common sense might be trying to tell me to move on but princess common sense wasn’t one of the things you taught me. You just taught me that I should take care of those I care about and taught me I would always have you on my side. I act like my life is a darn tv show or a darn movie series so i guess it’s on me that i should have seen your betrayal coming, but it's your thought that i put your happiness over my own happiness, my own struggles, my own needs. I went broke countless numbers of times, just to be there for ya. It was supposed to be me and you vs all and then some. But it turned out that it was just me vs reality. Since from day one i never thought i was good enough for you and nearly a decade later you proved me right. I am who I am because of you but that's ironic since you were the one that created me and then killed me when I wasn't important to you anymore. The fact that you told our main sister you still cared about me when you blocked me i laughed cuz if you cared about me then may i ask where's my goodbye. Sure go ahead say that saying goodbye was too hard for you, but princess would you like to give me everything and then some to you for nearly a decade and then i walk away leaving you heartbroken and needing answers. And sure i know i’ll never get the answers i deserve since the only one that can give me those answers is you and you didn't really leave a way to contact you to get them on your knives you left in me. You’ll over there with your new king telling him all the bad things about and sure i know that's a long list but not as long as the problems you gave me probably for life. Feeling unworthy,depressed,Reliving the events, nightmare, Excessive cry, difficulty concentrating,headaches, Scared to trust, Trouble sleeping,Identity Crisis, Trouble thinking about anything else,Not taking care of my needs,Withdraw issues, Second guessing, Being overly protective,Hard to be positive, Difficulty opening up, Memories problems,Depersonalization, Intense helplessness, Attempt to make new memories in places that remind me. My bad i know you don't give a crap. You'd rather take a crap then to want to put up with my crap.but i didn't wanna get stabbed by my best friend, my sister, my first true crush and first true love, my forever princess. Me and you made a family and we were momma and dadda and just like in real life daddy didn't see the discovery coming. B-t-w please don't get mad for me venting to people who aint gonna listen, since that night i had a suitcase in both hands and you stood in that hall way you told me to write. I’ll end this part with the other part of that quote i started with “even when they do” so no matter how much you destroyed my heart and soul even tho you turned your back on me….if it came down to it and there comes a time where you make your return and you find yourself in a war that you don’t seem like you can find a way out i would still return to fight another war with my forever princess.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Confessions
6 years later
when i went up and a when i went up and asked you what's your name i didn't think how important you would be to me. I still remember what you did with your hands and that thing you were holding, even if you still deny holding it. Throughout the years we have had ups and downs. and yea at one time or another i had a picture in my head of us riding into the sunset, hell it included pit stops in rome and paris and bahamas and all the other dream places you wanna go to. yea i cried in anger for what that wanna be adult did and what little bitch did to you that weekend. yea i'm not gonna lie if you needed me to cover for you deciding to do an action then i would have been happy to cover for you even if it ended up with me in cuffs. I still remember when I met the family and the other friends. all those sun rises and all the sunsets. hell i probably should go to jail for all the stuff i stole from speedway to make sure you ate when you couldn't eat anything cuz the situation you were in, still surprised that basket never broke. he might have been your forever king, even if some nights that still brings a tear to my eyes, but that never meant that i couldn't make that promise to you and turn myself from just a wanna be that had no point to smile into that forever prince that kept his promise and made you realize that not all guys are the same. yea i know i can't say i'm perfect and i haven't made any stupid mistakes. tried to put a smile on your face only to have it backfire on myself. I gave you my everything and then some just to put a smile on your face, and it was a dream come true, but nowadays it just feels like I'm honestly nothing to you. yea i might be the one that lives just a few steps away but it doesn't help when we don't talk, you go out with all the others and i'm just standing here texting you how's your day and shows work, even if you tell me you aint a calling or texting person only to go on facetimes and everything with the ones that told me that i had no right to have you in my life in the first place. no more checking up on me, i get it. you have a lot on your plate and that's why i hold all my emotions in until i simply blow up like a fire burns in hell. but that doesn't mean my attitude would be better if you ask me how I am. But goodness, I'm trying to be strong, mainly because that's the only card that I can put on this poker table. and yea i know i don't get that good of a poker face. yea i know everyone still thinks i am in love with you ,but dammit i would be the stupidest person if i let go of all the feelings cuz dammit when i think of the good times most of them have you referenced in it. and maybe i should just move on, but how do you move on from the person that made you who you are deep down. you ask me to jump i'm gonna ask how how. still picticuting the wrestling moment like stone cold saves team wwf. still wishing that i could re-do that handshake with your first true king and dammit i wish that soldier remembered knocking me out. Let's go back to the brothers throwing balls at my head and that one devil trying to drown me. for 6 years.... dammit for 6 years i kept my word and dammit the devil gonna need to kill me to stop me from keeping that word of mine. So even if this book comes to an end with a not so happy ending then I'll write another book and I'll call it my comeback. and then when your book needs a hero, just as the wanna be's surround you, i'll appear. yea this tv series probably gonna end with me taking a bullet for you and i'll throw in some cliche stupid line like " your a good person, and friend". thank you for my being my rose even if i was only just your thorns.
By josh napperabout a year ago in Confessions
