her story

Her story

i dont think i can get myself in any more trouble with her, so to start things with this blog talking about my faith i wont start with my dad thinking I'll be locked up by the age of 18, or almost getting kicked out of school or even falling for a fake princess. I'm actually gonna start off with what got me to go into church for what for my recall is the first time in my 20 plus years life going to church. looking back on it i feel like i did want to wanna go but I'll rather stay home drinking and smoking or just watching youtube. but I'm a guy in my 20's who can have a crush on a blonde Christian girl who can beat me a game of 21-0 by the score of 21-0 that i never talked to in high school but had her on Facebook. however at that time i knew that i was the last person that would have a shot with her. living with my mom, no car, a fast food job, half teeth basically and had nothing go for him is such top line picking by the girls. nah. still to this day if you asked me what kind of guy does she deserve i'll answer with this a strong, successful, smart starting qb or that point gaurd on a undefeated championship team who drives the fancy cars and lives in the fancy houses. thats not really my life is it. so my dumbass figured well a lot of guys are probably texting her, messeging her how she looks or etc so whats one thing that guys are most lilkely scared to do. yea show up to her church. yea yea i know how that sounds but in my head i was like thats how i can stand out. but yea that wasn't a good idea at all, and by the way i'm not good at hiding my feelings even til this day.even though i wanted to go to church for non girl related it still took a girl to get me to go. however time passes and things were ended, both had left. so on easter i finally returned about 2 years later. she hasn't and lets be real probably wont ever talk to yours truly. i returned because it was time to return to him and because honestly i felt like i let her down by not being myself back then and i want redemtiption. i wont lie, i blame myself for her leaving the church, i blame myself for not being me back then. looking back on things it hurts because i can handle being myself and not doing the impossible, but not being me and taking the time to have a bond with the man upstairs. so here i am going around doing what i'm doing proving to those who put their time in to better me wasn't wasted, im doing what im doing to prove my haters wrong and i'm showing them two middle fingers. but im also wanting to do what as redemtipon. i wont lie do i still have a crush on her, yea because look at her- not just her skin but her personaitly. however its more then that. someone that is her unoffcialy dad and someone that has become my 3rd dad has heard me say this way to many times- i want rededmtion. because i cant let the story end with my biggest mistake. i did this, i made her hate me. just my mindset that i overcome my mistakes. some say dont let the past control you but the past drives me. when i feel down i think of everyone that betrayled me, the heartbreaks of my story,etc. her hating me is ending the story halfway. i dont leave stuff done half way. am i using god to get rededtption with her, in a sense. because its about accepting where i went wrong and him telling me to keep focused. but heres the thing at the same time i'm becoming a better man, chrisitan, co-worker and friend. tho its hard for me to move on simply because those closet to me knows that im the type of guy that dont leave things unfinished and if i get myself on your bad side because of my stupidness i'm gonna earn another chance.

you wanna know why i feeled for you. the odds of that door opening thats locked up in chains of locks stuck in concerte thats chiped into a massive tall brick tower surrounded by a end less deep ocean thats filled in jellyfish, shark and crocodile infested waters and the shores is filled with deadly snakes, hungry bears, fit lions and sneaky wolfs i dont care because i because i just want to open that door. i dont care about the odds, or the score board on that court i just want that door opened again. last time that wasn't me that was a act i thought you needed me to play since myself wasn't good enough. i dont know why i feeled for you i just did, i mean it was like just that, but maybe it was because no guy was ever susposed to be good enough to take his place in your broken heart. but maybe he's looking down and saying this speech is good enough, to convice him i didn't fall for you i feeld in love with you.