letter, dear kenna

Dear kenna,

“ you never turn your back on family” might be one of my favorite movie quotes, but i learned the hard way that's not one of your values.now i have said plenty of times that you stabbed me thru my back as well as you stabbed me thru my heart, but you actually did more than that. You stabbed me through my ears because now I question everything someone tells me. You stabbed me through my mouth because now I question everything I tell someone. AS well stabbing me through my eyes because I now question everything I see. Common sense might be trying to tell me to move on but princess common sense wasn’t one of the things you taught me. You just taught me that I should take care of those I care about and taught me I would always have you on my side. I act like my life is a darn tv show or a darn movie series so i guess it’s on me that i should have seen your betrayal coming, but it's your thought that i put your happiness over my own happiness, my own struggles, my own needs. I went broke countless numbers of times, just to be there for ya. It was supposed to be me and you vs all and then some. But it turned out that it was just me vs reality. Since from day one i never thought i was good enough for you and nearly a decade later you proved me right. I am who I am because of you but that's ironic since you were the one that created me and then killed me when I wasn't important to you anymore. The fact that you told our main sister you still cared about me when you blocked me i laughed cuz if you cared about me then may i ask where's my goodbye. Sure go ahead say that saying goodbye was too hard for you, but princess would you like to give me everything and then some to you for nearly a decade and then i walk away leaving you heartbroken and needing answers. And sure i know i’ll never get the answers i deserve since the only one that can give me those answers is you and you didn't really leave a way to contact you to get them on your knives you left in me. You’ll over there with your new king telling him all the bad things about and sure i know that's a long list but not as long as the problems you gave me probably for life. Feeling unworthy,depressed,Reliving the events, nightmare, Excessive cry, difficulty concentrating,headaches, Scared to trust, Trouble sleeping,Identity Crisis, Trouble thinking about anything else,Not taking care of my needs,Withdraw issues, Second guessing, Being overly protective,Hard to be positive, Difficulty opening up, Memories problems,Depersonalization, Intense helplessness, Attempt to make new memories in places that remind me. My bad i know you don't give a crap. You'd rather take a crap then to want to put up with my crap.but i didn't wanna get stabbed by my best friend, my sister, my first true crush and first true love, my forever princess. Me and you made a family and we were momma and dadda and just like in real life daddy didn't see the discovery coming. B-t-w please don't get mad for me venting to people who aint gonna listen, since that night i had a suitcase in both hands and you stood in that hall way you told me to write. I’ll end this part with the other part of that quote i started with “even when they do” so no matter how much you destroyed my heart and soul even tho you turned your back on me….if it came down to it and there comes a time where you make your return and you find yourself in a war that you don’t seem like you can find a way out i would still return to fight another war with my forever princess.