addiction

The realities of addition; the truth about living under, above and beyond the influence of drugs and alcohol.

America's Next Favorite Pastime!
DISCLAIMER: While my brothers permitted me to tell our story, I was asked not to use real names to maintain anonymity. Because of this, all names in this post are aliases. Also, this story (while not given in graphic detail) discusses substance abuse and addiction.
By Matilda Ruiz5 years ago in Psyche
CHOOSE FAILURE
In the past, I lived my life lying to create the illusion that fit in with my family. I believed that it was my purpose to protect their social status by being succesful. All i saw was This "box" i was born and raised to fit into was constructed of unrealistic expectations to be the daughter my parents wanted. I just always fell short i guess because I could ever see was a prison full of forced religious views and judgement. The path was so clear to everyone but me. Before the pills, before the heroin everything pure and routine for others was forced and painful for me. Always anxious, constant need to make my father proud or to be a light in my mother's holy life. An impossible task proven after I left home to earn what in my mind was the highest honor, being a US Marine, my parents made comments referring to my ARMY service and when I corrected them in pride I was quickly put back in my place, their actual comments included "i guess if you can do it anyone can" or my mothers ignorant "ARMY, Marines, it's all the same." So to avoid obligating my family to be my family,after 4 years active duty I chose to seek civilian employment still far away from their expectations; their box i seemed to be so unworthy to fit myself into no matter how many years I devoted to changing and then just pretending. I got a BA, I worked hard and made a decent living far from home in North Dakota during the oil boom. After the work started to dry up I cut my losses and moved to PA with a job offer and intentions of learning that job, and I did..in fact i excelled at it....but eventually found friends I understood. These friends were mainly criminals, local junkies. As an awkward and unapproachable introvert, these misunderstood people overwhelmed me with belonging. I was so open to having personal relationships with other humans, naively opening my door to a couple, but the 2 homeless addicts I only saw as friends. I was envious of their free spirits and the resourcefulness they put Into getting their high every day, the work they put into not working. On my paydays I started helping their drug fund and this was how i was introduced to this dirty lifestyle so many look down on. This lifestyle that ruins lives and tears apart families. This lifestyle I could understand. I can accept all the dirty truths that come along with it. I can accept the scams and the withdrawals that come on days where making money seems impossible. I can accept failure, what I can no longer accept is the lies I told myself, the masks I wore, the accomplishments that never made a difference, all the time wasted living the way others expected. I now find the most relief in loneliness. I find comfort knowing all the ones I Love so much have since moved on, I don't cross their minds but find relief in knowing the more they hate what I am the less my life in any state can disappoint them. I guess I was a junkie all along and I'll be content when I die a failure. Understand It's been my only joy living a life where i dont have to pretend i belong. My existance is so insignificant and its perfect for me, not having people depend on my success. My worst highs were still better than my best days spent looking for purpose.
By JMR5 years ago in Psyche
The Tao of Zack
Zack, just released from the hospital after his third suicide attempt, is heading off to Columbus, Ohio with a girl he met in AA two months ago. Two equally miserable, desperate heroin addicts fleeing the hostile desert, seeking a fresh start. He has no money, no job, no teeth in his upper jaw, no real life, no clear path forward. He will exchange one hopeless life for another.
By Emma Dillon5 years ago in Psyche
Recovery is Anything But
**DISCLAIMER: If you or someone you know is struggling with addictive substances, actions, or behaviors, PLEASE try and seek professional help. These tips here are by no means an exhaustive list or a cure. As someone in my own recovery journey, these are just some of the important things that I have learned along the way. Depending on the vice and severity, it may be dangerous or even deadly to try and attempt recovery on your own, without medical supervision. Be safe, Friends. You're worth your health and happiness in life**
By J. Lee5 years ago in Psyche
Blame My Brain!
Even before you became addicted, your brain made you vulnerable to substance and activity dependency. This is because, at the very core, we have an animal brain. All it cares for is getting pleasure and avoiding pain. Neuroplasticity also enables any behaviour (helpful or harmful) to become ingrained and automatic. The reality is that our brains both encourage and support our addiction at a physical level.
By Belinda Tobin5 years ago in Psyche
How Addiction Saved My Life
Oh, I know. I never thought I would ever be writing the words that my addiction saved my life, but here I am to tell this riveting story of exactly how that happened. I'm hoping my story can save you or someone you know from addiction and change your perspective on this matter. The judgements around addiction and those addicted to substances, or anything for that matter, needs to end.
By Erika Danks5 years ago in Psyche
Addiction only dies in heaven
Smoking. An addiction worse than cocaine itself yet so readily available everywhere you turn. The first time I tried smoking cigarettes, I was 13 years old. My dad, who chain smoked on a daily, made me roll his cigarettes for him every time he needed new packs. I was forced to sit at the kitchen table for as long as it took. Sometimes he needed 2 packs and others, six. After a while, I got curious. They were such a big part of my brother and I's lives, I wondered why. My parents loved to leave me in charge of babysitting while they left until late at night to go play bingo. One of those nights, I rolled a pack. For myself. Of course, I got my brother involved, who was 2 years younger than me, so that he wouldn't rat me out. We pocketed the pack, found a lighter and went outside for a walk. In the darkness, we lit a cigarette and sucked on it like we had seen our parents do day in and day out. We didn't realize we had to inhale the smoke, but we felt cool. Eventually, I got ratted out by my cousin and was told to eat one of the cigarettes I had rolled as a punishment. I didn't. I got dishes for life instead.
By Michelle5 years ago in Psyche
Destructive Addiction
One particular friend I have, has a regular habit of hopping on Facebook and liking the inspirational and motivational photo quotes that I post my profile each day. He's been battling with depression, and was very appreciative of some of the messages I would post to help him think positive, focus on his happiness, and improve his mindset. Over the past week or so though, I noticed that he had stopped doing so, plus I also noticed that he stopped posting anything on his own profile also, so I became a little concerned. I took the opportunity to direct message him, just to check in on him and make sure he was okay. Thankfully, all was good with him, and he's actually away enjoying himself on a holiday, which is great news. He did mention to me though, that he had indeed stopped posting content, and liking my quotes, because he has taken it upon himself to withdraw from engaging in social media, in a bid to protect his mental health. He had been the subject of constant judgement, criticism, and harassment, from many of his so called friends and associates, whilst also being tired with the lack of support, care, compassion, and understanding, of his current health situation. Upon hearing this, I could totally resonate with what he was saying. I, myself, once posted opinions, beliefs, views, and personal feelings on my Facebook profile, and I too, would get criticized, judged, and harassed, also by my friends and even family members. A couple of years ago, I realized just how toxic social media really can be. Whilst everybody is entitled to an opinion, and also entitled to share it on social media, no one has the right to criticize, belittle, harass, bully, and demean, anyone else for their opinion, whether it may be right or wrong! It's why I made the decision to not post opinions, beliefs, or even anything with no substance or purpose, any longer, and instead, I have just been sharing uplifting and beneficial quotes.
By David Stidston5 years ago in Psyche
Late Night Walks
This is something that I experienced and wrote about in the winter of 2017, after having just gotten out of my first stay at St Josephs Institue (which is an inpatient rehab) about two months prior. I was staying at a halfway house right next to downtown Rochester, and I would frequently explore downtown late at night when I could not sleep. This is one of those moments, that for whatever reason, stuck with me.
By Jake Fortin5 years ago in Psyche
All For Nothing
My life was ruled by an invisible force, a killer that was silent in it’s taking of innocent souls. I was consumed by the emptiness it provided to my mind. The ability to forget about the world around me as my mind was consumed by the comforting darkness. I never saw myself being the type to allow my will to be taken so easily. Though iIt calls to me as though a siren to a sailor, clinging to the mess of a mind that I now hold to my name.
By Jaianna Johnson5 years ago in Psyche
Blackness is Greatness
Bianca has helped me as a YouTube curly hair influencer in several ways. 1. Given me confidence in my natural beauty and style
By Tanisha Robinson5 years ago in Psyche
A Gambler's Remorse
A Gamblers Remorse “Oh my God, I can’t believe I did it again. Oh no”, Lisa thought to herself. It was at that very moment she realized she had both won and lost over twenty thousand dollars. Her heart dropped to her stomach and she instantly felt numb. The slot machines at the casino were lit brighter than New York Times Square on a Saturday night. No longer could Lisa hear the chimes, chings, rings, whistles, bells, or laughter she had enjoyed just moments ago. She was stuck in a trance until she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Judy, the cocktail waitress. “This one is on me”, said Judy. Lisa grabbed the glass of white moscato offered to her and drank it rapidly. Immediately Lisa felt embarrassed because she knew Judy was all too familiar with the face of defeat.
By Tarika Walker5 years ago in Psyche