Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Mental Health: Check-In
Rant I do not know why today is one of 'those days' for me. Let's start with what I should be happy and excited about the most. My fiance's birthday is today, and we have plans to move into our new house. Another grateful milestone that I accomplished this year and with the love of my life. Our lives have been far from perfect, and I plan on documenting it all. Maybe the words will heal me. Honestly, I am thinking of my mother. My cousin just lost his mother, and I feel for the pain he is experiencing. My lupus has put me down for weeks.
By Nia on Air5 years ago in Psyche
What I Don't Remember
I remember two of my friends and I going out for wings and drinks. I remember buying some beer for the road. I remember driving down dusty dirt roads, singing and laughing and taking pictures. I remember stopping at a bar for more beer and shots. And then I remember nothing.
By Emily Catherine5 years ago in Psyche
Sobriety.
So yesterday I hit 70 days sober. I am very proud and feel amazing. I feel great physically and mentally more each day I wake up. If you know you know. My anxiety and depression has eased and calmed down, somedays I feel "normal". I've struggled for years and with COVID this year my drinking became out of control. I'm not ashamed of it but not proud, and hopefully I'm able to help someone someday that has gone throught the same situation. It was to where I wouldn't even eat or drink water in the morning I would just start drinking. Some days more and heavier than others. I have gone through a crazy amount of life events in the past year which lead up to the drinking I'm talking about. Personal events that I'd rather not mention because it's too painful to remember them but I got through it.My last night of drinking though I fell on my face and fractured my nose, that was a scary wake up call. I'm still here, healthy and happy. I thank God, the universe and my willpower. I honestly don't know what would happen if I had continued and it's not something I would want to know either. My partner, family and friends have been supportive big time. I did lose a couple friends but clearly they were not friends but 'drinking buddies' and I'm totally fine with that. I don't need negative people in my life when I want nothing but positivity. The new path I'm on is super exciting and has so many new surprises and doors opening. Unexplainable feeling. It's almost as if I feel everything is perfect! I have everything I ever wanted in life and that's what's a bit scary because not many people can say that or will recieve that. I never want to be that person again now that I've escaped. I was such a sad, lost and angry person. I wanted to give up but I knew there was more to life. More happiness and freedom just waiting for me to find it. I had to be strong. I am strong. You really have to want it in order to succeed. I find for me anyway that's the only way it works. I love the fact that I inspire others, puts a smile on my face. I have people who inspire me, it's a great circle. Being sober is something I'll forever be proud of. Now I am able to focus on the good things, all the things that were there the whole time. Little things that I forgot I liked. Painting, puzzles, word searches, taking pictures, etc. Waking up knowing what I did last night is a plus too. Not hurting people with words, not hurting myself, or losing touch with family. I promise myself I will never let that happen. It's not always easy but I got this. And if this is something familiar to you then I'm cheering you on 100 percent. Don't let yourself fall.
By Jennie Fontaine5 years ago in Psyche
I'm Sorry
It was another typical weekend night. My father was already three sheets to the wind and was headed toward a blackout. My mother was in the small house that we rented in Yazoo City, Mississippi staying occupied and distracted with household chores, and my brother was tucked away in his room where it was safer. I was left sitting in my room hoping for a peaceful night when I heard the dreaded, “Honey girl! Come out here!” I closed my eyes and fought to keep the tears from flooding down my face. My chest felt heavy and my heart raced. I let out a small whimper. So tonight, I was the one my father chose to come keep him company. I always hoped it wouldn’t be me he called, but so did my mother and brother, and it had to be one of us. I didn’t understand why someone would want the company of a child, but I wouldn’t dare to ask. I took a deep breath and got to my feet. I eased my way outside making sure not to walk dangerously slow. I spotted the little white Toyota pickup truck that he called “Yodi” parked in the driveway and made my way to the passenger side. I climbed in the old, squeaky truck, barely seeing over the dashboard, and sat erect and trembling. Please God. Please God. Please help me.
By Brandi Ashley 5 years ago in Psyche
RED
Shaking, shivering, it’s not cold, what’s happening to me? My heart races trying to drive out of my chest. My leg bounces up and down about 100 beats per minute. My breathing speeds up, choking on each breath. I try to calm down but I can’t, I can't stop this feeling. Looking around the room my vision is blurred but I can make out the shape of a desk with a monitor on it showing a colorful screen saver to the right of me. A window behind it with the blinds halfway down just enough to block out the sun but still let light in. Next to it, I see many inspirational posters, one saying “ Hang in there!” with a picture of a cat hanging onto a branch, cute, but not right now. I’m sitting at a large table with multiple chairs around it one containing my mother. She’s looking at me with a confused, concerned, glare. I see her face out of the corner of my eye while I blankly stare at the neutral party in the room, lets call her V, V goes on about the process that we’re going through right now. My mom continues to glare at me during the silence, I look down afraid of what she might say to me. V finished typing as the phone starts to ring, she answers, she then says “We’ll be right out” She hangs up then gesture toward the door.
By Andi Cassello5 years ago in Psyche
I will lie to you, that's the truth.
I sit at a table, the sun long set, the friend across from me with an upside-down bottle in hand, watching the last fated drops fall to his very empty glass. As I drink the last of mine, the all too familiar clinking of a semi-melted ice cube rattling around as its bell tolls the end of our conversation. I look at the bottle and think to myself that I have drunk enough, and it’s best to be wise and get a cab home. A lie if ever I heard one. I’ll have just one more I tell myself. This is a thought I will laugh about come sunrise.
By Leonidas Nikiforuk5 years ago in Psyche
Giving thanks to my darkness
Darkness, I am most thankful for you this year. Why you ask? I finally have found an answer. I am thankful for you.... Not because you sucked me down deeper and into your hole that filled with thoughts of no longer wanting to wake up and face he tomorrow that will continue to come even when your at your lowest of lows, not because you laughed at the sight of my tears after losing the only parent I had left to a non curable evil.... cancer. Not because you’ve introduced yourself into the homes of my fellow neighbors during this time of deadly virus, not because I have lost so much as many of us have, my home, my steady income.... and the one thing that led me to you, my mind.
By Alannah Cruz5 years ago in Psyche
The Reality of my Abusive Relationship.
When it’s all over, you realize so much. What everyone thought was an amazing 7 year relationship, really wasn’t. It came with a rollercoaster of emotions. Good and bad. Most of the time, bad. It sucks to realize how much bullshit I went through to keep the relationship going. “Forgiving” him everytime he screamed at me and put me down for being the person I am, staying with him even after he cheated on me multiple times, and believing he loved me even after he had shown me that he really didn’t. It wasn’t worth all the pain and everything I went through. Then just like that it all ended after 7 years. It didn’t end peacefully either… I was served papers by the court while I was away at school in Chicago. The papers said that I was abusive, dangerous, a stalker and many other things that I’m not. Things were listed that he had done to me but he tried turning it around on me just because his girlfriend, he had while still being with me, wanted him to. I got to talk to the judge the day we had our hearing and truthfully told him what went on and how the things that were said were not true… the protective order was lifted and I told my ex and the judge that I could care less to speak or to ever see my ex again. It was all damaging and traumatizing. But, you know what I’m getting myself back and I couldn't be happier. I got all the friends back that I dropped for someone who ended up being temporary. I feel so shitty for dropping all the people who cared and looked out for me even through the 7 years. They tried making me realize and I was too stupid to think it wasn’t true. Now that I’m out of that relationship I could fully realize how bad it was. What I went through is difficult to talk about and to think about. How it drained me and affected me so deeply. We all go through it. We all think we will be with our first love forever. But that’s not what it ends up being most of the time. I honestly can say that I’m glad it wasn’t forever. Because that would have meant forever being sad and in pain physically and emotionally. I would have never been really happy. I would have had to fake that happiness so no one would see the pain I was really in. My heart was broken so many times in the relationship, I don’t know how I kept going with it. The people close to me that I told what really went on always tell me they don’t know how I stayed so strong through it all. I love way too hard and believe that everyone can change depending how hard you love them. But that's not true, no matter how hard you love someone, it doesn't matter unless they love you even harder. The love I gave was taken advantage of so many times. But, Like I said I’m so much happier now that he’s gone. It feels like so much weight off of my shoulders. It is definitely hard to function sometimes, all the trauma I went through affects me everyday but I try my hardest to battle the bad thoughts and feelings. I can now say I’m getting myself back. I can be myself and I can be happy. No more hiding my emotions. No more holding back my feelings. I can do anything I want to without being held back. I won't get physically and mentally abused anymore. I can be me and I can be happy. It’s the best feeling ever. To anyone who has gone through a similar relationship or is currently going through it, you can get through it and stay strong. Please don’t stay with an abusive partner or someone who doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. You matter and the way you deserve to be treated matters.
By Kelli Marie Knight5 years ago in Psyche
Anxiety & Mindfulness
S.O.M What is Anxiety? The definition of anxiety is a mental health disorder characterized by feelings of intense, excessive, and persistent worry or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities or everyday situations. Anxiety is only an indicator of underlying disease when feelings become excessive, all-consuming, and interfere with daily living.
By Monique Jacobs5 years ago in Psyche
