I'm Sorry For What I Said
I Was Hurt by What You Said
I'm sorry for what I said
Your fears I cannot quell
You lie silent in our bed
~
The thrill of the chase has fled
Your beauty has lost its spell
I'm sorry for what I said
~~
Our best dreams have all been bled
Our passions no longer gel
You lie silent in our bed
~
My desire fills you with dread
I said you should go to hell
I'm sorry for what I said
~~
"Go find someone else instead!"
You don't listen when I yell
You lay silent in our bed
~~~
I come home to find you dead
In my soul the shame shall dwell
You lay silent in our bed
I'm sorry for what I said
*
_________________Bolt⚡
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More stories from Lightning Bolt ⚡ and writers in Poets and other communities.
The steps to losing a child
Step One: Lose a child. Not what anyone wants to happen and nothing you can do to change it, but you can go through steps to becoming happy again. You can go through steps to loving again. You can go through steps to become a new you because after losing a child you will never be the same person you once were.
By Tabitha Hinkleyabout 18 hours ago in Fiction
Comments (15)
Great emotion and a wonderful entry for the challenge. nicely done!!
♥️My feedback might sound a little technical! I'm finally learning the names of all the literary devices, and it's awesome being able to explain why your poem is so good instead of just saying, 'I like it.'♥️ * Your use of the end-stopped lines at the conclusion of your first three lines is supremely effective. Said Quell Bed I could sense the gravity of each line, like a barbell weighing down on my mind. I admire how the poem takes a plunge into something terminal. The phrase that "beauty had lost its spell" is a line so raw and potent, that I felt a visceral clutch in my throat. The vitality that was once in the dreams, the metonymy you subtly wove into that line, was deeply impactful. If there is no life, there is no blood. That refrain or anaphora successfully makes the apology feel habitual, and in being so, it becomes hollow.
Oh wow that's good. I enjoyed that you didn't use iambic pentameter. It's a refreshing take on the villanelle and it's done so very well (sorry, rhyme couldn't be helped). You got me at the end and the death hits like a hammer. Powerful and full of real emotion. Great job.
Wow what a hard hitting poem with such emotion. Great entry for the challenge. Very heartfelt really felt this.
The emotional descent is subtle yet devastating. That final refrain lands with real weight.
Oh my, that was so hard hitting. Loved your poem!
Wow, this is a great entry for the challenge. I could this form difficult, and yet I wrote two! 😋
Genuine and heartfelt. 🙂
Powerful & Thought-provoking!
What a sad poem of death and dread at the end of a relationship that does seem like someone died for real. Good work.
Hits heavy. Great take on the challenge, didn’t pull any punches. And compelling. It’s easy to say something you regret, and that moment can really spiral in some terrible directions.
Perfect example of why people should not react out of anger. It's so hard to do that.. I didn't learn a lot from my parents.. but my mom once told me to think before I speak.. that the words I say to someone my but be the last ones we ever exchange. I always try and keep that in mind. Anger is a hard emotion to stance though and sometimes it takes over.
Wow! That packed a gut punch, Bill. I hope all is well with you.
Powerful words
Such powerful writing, and such a stark reminder of how words can carry weight we never intend.