satire

Pet parodies to help us hash out our pet peeves.

The Understanding
The scene opens in a sunny garden. Cat 1, a tabby mog is sprawled in the mid-afternoon sunshine. On a nearby table, Cat 2, a black female stares intently in his direction. The sunlight is hitting her eyes.
By Deirdre Morrison5 years ago in Petlife
The Origin of Owllock Holmes
The blackness of night engulfed the forest. Before the sun’s golden rays peeked through, rising the forest to life. A little mouse scurried through the underbrush, dodging branches and boulders in his way. A little scarf made from a scrap of red yarn waved behind him.
By RJ5 years ago in Petlife
Son of a Nightmare
If you're reading this, my name's Lyell and, though I'm almost ashamed to admit it, I'm a unicorn. People nowadays hear that and, immediately, there are certain ideas that come to mind. To clarify things, I don't sparkle, I don't shit rainbows, and I am as masculine as a pile of highly combustible bacon playing poker while driving a tank.
By Cassandra Norton5 years ago in Petlife
Rant #1: Pigeons. . . . Just Why?!
Ahhhh, the typical "rats with wings". This may be a pointless argument or conversation, but unless you have seen what I witnessed, Pigeons are probably the smartest creatures that people brush off. Now let me just gently ask, *sips a quick cup of coffee*, WHY ISN'T NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?!!!!!
By J.X. Leiva5 years ago in Petlife
Secret Dog's Business
The most peculiar moment of Richard Granger’s life occurred at two o’clock on a muggy Thursday afternoon, when he’d opened his front door to see his three dogs standing around the dining table. They looked to be in serious conversation, though just what three labrador retrievers had to be serious about Richard wasn’t sure, and anyway he was more concerned by the fact they were all on two legs. The scene had only lasted a moment before one of them had glanced sharply up and let out a bark, and then he’d fainted in shock.
By Arksong5 years ago in Petlife
Yard Wars: The Rise of Obi-Wan Catnobi. First Place in Pet Cam Challenge. Top Story - November 2020.
A long time ago, thirteen seconds to be exact but to Obi-Wan Catnobi that could feel like days, and in a galaxy far, far away, which was really just across the lawn, the princess’ words roared in his head: Help me, Obi-Wan Catnobi. You’re my only hope.
By Andrea Jardine5 years ago in Petlife
The Adventures Of My Dog & Cats!!
I can only imagine what the simple life is like being cute and so precious to my owner. Not having to worry about financial problems and just living off the food and living off the love that I receive? This isn't meant to foreshadow anything morbid, or anything depressing in the matter. I love my cats and I love my dog. Do I know what they do when I'm not around? Of course not. I don't have any cameras in my home. But maybe I could set up a couple for the living room and the bedroom if I win this contest?
By Luke Ryan5 years ago in Petlife
My Best Friend is a Rat
Animals are my Achilles heel. I love them but I’m allergic. That was until I found my best friend. I first learned about him in 2007. He was shy, always scurrying off, but over time he’s really started to open up and he’s changed my life.
By Joe Satoria5 years ago in Petlife
The Case of the Squirrel who Almost Croaked. Second Place in Pet Cam Challenge.
It was a chilling November morning, the kind that makes you want to cozy up with a warm dame and a cup of java. The humans had just left for work, and I was alone again, with them. Those three felines that liked to give me trouble. More trouble than they were worth. I had just gone out the doggy door to take my morning patrol around the yard. I was already paranoid, it felt like one of those days when something bad was going to happen, trouble was on the wind, and had an envelope with my name on it.
By Daniela Bishop5 years ago in Petlife
The Secret Life of Ki
My owner left me forever again. My name is Kiwi, or Ki for short. I am a bunny, not a dog, not a cat, I am all rabbit. It's time to cause chaos! First thing, I need to rob the fridge, I have not ate anything in an hour. Score, I found some greens, grapes, and some left over veggie dip! It is time to surf the web, got to check my Instagram and see how my followers are doing. My zoom call is at 12, this is where I chat with my cousins, Bagel, Bucky, Ellie, Baker, and Pumpkin. This is where we talk about our humans, and how we actually own them, and it is cute that they think they own us. They clean up our poop, they spend money to feed us, and we do not even have to pay rent. Humans are not bright! Now, I am out the door, I got to get my manicure and pedicure, and then I have to get a bang trim. My beautiful mane is nice and fresh. Starbucks is next on the list, I am obviously vegan, so I settle for almond milk, if I am feeling spicy I go for the oat milk. They know me well at Starbucks, and have my order ready immediately. You are probably thinking how do I have money to afford all this luxury? Have you seen how cute I am? I get a lot of perks. It's time for yoga, I have to clear my mind, after all I live a very stressful life of sleeping, playing, destroying my human's belongings, and of course eating. I hop all the way home, and say hello to my brother and sister, they are obviously adopted. (They have scales, and bad attitudes). They do not support my vegan lifestyle, and often judge me for maintaining my image. They are a drag. They spend most days sleeping, and eating crickets. It is now time to watch television, I love reality t.v. I just know one day I will be a star. They call me a diva already, I am just waiting for my big break! I start chewing on my toys, and then remember, I am a lady, and immediately stop acting in such a rude manner. I look at my nails adoringly, and think about how grateful I am to be this spoiled. I start hopping and running all around my apartment, what a great day. Alright, that is enough cardio, time for a fifteen minute nap. YAWN! Time to eat some hay. I wonder how I can guilt my human into giving me more treats, maybe she will be late with my dinner, and she will just hand the treats over! A bunny can dream. I then search the room, there is a pair of shoes, they do not have any teeth marks. How could I have missed this? They are my mom's favorite boots. Faux leather taste delicious! I also spot a phone charger (aka spicy hay), it is my FAVORITE, luckily for me it is not plugged into to the wall. I can feel it in my soul, my human will be home soon. I love my human, she rescued me, and I have been with her since I was six weeks old. I think I also rescued her. I can hear her car, and I know the sound of her steps. Yay! My best friend is home to tell me about her day, and how much she missed me. She walks in, I start running all around, excited to see her. She gives me pets, my dinner, and an extra papaya treat! This is the life! Luckily, she will never know about my secret outings into the world. Thank you for reading. Love, Ki
By Stacey Leigh5 years ago in Petlife
King Kilo
I’m Kilo, my humans say that I am a “flame point siamese cat”. I have long whiskers for the best senses, stunning white fur, eyes as blue as the ocean and a striped orange tail that I like to wag when I am ferociously hunting. I am gorgeous, my sister Bella only wishes she were as beautiful as me! I think that is why she sometimes attacks me - jealousy is not a good look BELLA! Anyways, my life as a lion had been great up until the humans got this new pet camera. They think that it is me breaking things while they are gone. Can you believe that? It was all “my baby boy” and “what a pretty boy he is” and now this?
By A. D. DOUGHTY 5 years ago in Petlife
Ruby’s Cam Confession:
This is based on a true story, of the time my owner, left me, alone in the house. I confess, I was not at my best. My mama told me, “ I will be home soon!”
By Saroyan Coles5 years ago in Petlife