The Secret Life of Ki

My owner left me forever again. My name is Kiwi, or Ki for short. I am a bunny, not a dog, not a cat, I am all rabbit. It's time to cause chaos! First thing, I need to rob the fridge, I have not ate anything in an hour. Score, I found some greens, grapes, and some left over veggie dip! It is time to surf the web, got to check my Instagram and see how my followers are doing. My zoom call is at 12, this is where I chat with my cousins, Bagel, Bucky, Ellie, Baker, and Pumpkin. This is where we talk about our humans, and how we actually own them, and it is cute that they think they own us. They clean up our poop, they spend money to feed us, and we do not even have to pay rent. Humans are not bright! Now, I am out the door, I got to get my manicure and pedicure, and then I have to get a bang trim. My beautiful mane is nice and fresh. Starbucks is next on the list, I am obviously vegan, so I settle for almond milk, if I am feeling spicy I go for the oat milk. They know me well at Starbucks, and have my order ready immediately. You are probably thinking how do I have money to afford all this luxury? Have you seen how cute I am? I get a lot of perks. It's time for yoga, I have to clear my mind, after all I live a very stressful life of sleeping, playing, destroying my human's belongings, and of course eating. I hop all the way home, and say hello to my brother and sister, they are obviously adopted. (They have scales, and bad attitudes). They do not support my vegan lifestyle, and often judge me for maintaining my image. They are a drag. They spend most days sleeping, and eating crickets. It is now time to watch television, I love reality t.v. I just know one day I will be a star. They call me a diva already, I am just waiting for my big break! I start chewing on my toys, and then remember, I am a lady, and immediately stop acting in such a rude manner. I look at my nails adoringly, and think about how grateful I am to be this spoiled. I start hopping and running all around my apartment, what a great day. Alright, that is enough cardio, time for a fifteen minute nap. YAWN! Time to eat some hay. I wonder how I can guilt my human into giving me more treats, maybe she will be late with my dinner, and she will just hand the treats over! A bunny can dream. I then search the room, there is a pair of shoes, they do not have any teeth marks. How could I have missed this? They are my mom's favorite boots. Faux leather taste delicious! I also spot a phone charger (aka spicy hay), it is my FAVORITE, luckily for me it is not plugged into to the wall. I can feel it in my soul, my human will be home soon. I love my human, she rescued me, and I have been with her since I was six weeks old. I think I also rescued her. I can hear her car, and I know the sound of her steps. Yay! My best friend is home to tell me about her day, and how much she missed me. She walks in, I start running all around, excited to see her. She gives me pets, my dinner, and an extra papaya treat! This is the life! Luckily, she will never know about my secret outings into the world. Thank you for reading. Love, Ki