satire
Pet parodies to help us hash out our pet peeves.
Three Steps, To The Cottage Door
I crushed a leaf under my feet then paused. Did anyone hear that? I hope not. I mean what’s the point of being stealth if I’m crushing leaves the whole way. It was just one though, and the moon is still hanging in the sky, shining a thin white river along my path.
By Tatayana Butcher4 years ago in Petlife
The Chicken Thief
I could not remember the last time I tasted food. Had I ever been fed? Did these foolish humans ever think about my needs? Hardly. Despite my constant reminders, loud ones mind you, they always assured me 'You've already been fed! Stop trying to lie. You can't fool us!'
By Heather Miller4 years ago in Petlife
2020: The Year of the Brown Paper Box!
Dear Diary, January 2020 New year, same hairballs. As always, every January I am tortured endlessly by the tantalizing talk of "budgies." Human reviews numbers on her phone and mutters of the birds continuously. Yet not once am I given one to prey upon! I take matters into my own paws. I drown a toy bird in my water dish to demonstrate my wishes, but my servant rejects my gift! If it weren't for the Temptations treats, I swear I'd replace her.
By Call Me Les4 years ago in Petlife
All suffering will be equal.
How does one endure the politics of the barnyard? The constant dealing with other gander, to the vexation of the squeal of the swine waddling in the filth of the mud. The sheep complaining over the oppression from the sheepdog doing their “Tender,” shepherds bidding, to the vexation of the roosters' call at some ridiculous hour in the morning. Oh, if only there was some way to deal with the barnyard shenanigans! Oh, woe to us! Many could relate, I’m sure!
By Jordan Zuniga5 years ago in Petlife
Our Nosey Neighbours
I saw the most amazingly funny thing yesterday.... It was quite early for us to be out in the front garden with our dogs; about 7.30am and although autumn here, the sun was quite bright. So, while I was wandering around the front garden with my cup of tea checking out the plants to see whether any more out-of-season buds had appeared, our two dogs started chasing each other and were making a little bit of noise - generally having fun.
By a.a.gallagher5 years ago in Petlife
The REF
Promptly and without exception every night at eight, I'll hear the whimper and cries of a 110 pound baby while he looks at me with begging eyes and wagging tail, signaling to me that it's time for the nightly stroll. Chance my rescued Lab-mix dog, will without fail, expect a nightly walk to which his pint-sized Pekingese companion, Gizmo, will be right behind him; being awakened by Chances nightly walk-dance ritual. Gizmo knows as well does Chance that this behavior gets me up, putting my shoes on, and taking them out the door. Little do they know that I have this walk planned as their daily exercise and love doing it at night as it seems to be the best time to clear my mind while my dogs get a little exercise and the chance to take in the neighborhood scents and leave some of their own.
By Meko James 5 years ago in Petlife
12 Myths About Dogs
1. They Are Better Thieves Than Cats Everyone has heard of a cat burglar. No one has heard of a dog burglar. It's not because they don't exist. It's because they are so dang good they never get caught. On March 27, 2017, a 221-lb gold coin called the behemoth was stolen in Canada and police have no idea how the thieves pulled it off. That's because no one is looking at the dogs because they think they are good boys. Try good burglars.
By Jessica Poister5 years ago in Petlife
A day in my life trying to work and raise a puppy
I have to tell you about my day...I need to get it off my chest so that I can move forward with my life. As some of you know, I have a new puppy. At 9 months, he is about 87 pounds now and comes up to my waist. He is a mix of something and something, but looks like a hairy lab or maybe a golden retriever? I am convinced that he is a mixture of wolf, flying squirrel, and what ever animal can dig a hole to China from Alaska. He also loves catching bees and other flying creatures like birds, fly's, and attempts to take down every airplane that fly's overhead. This is inconvenient as we live by the airport.
By Rose Loren Geer-Robbins5 years ago in Petlife
The Bees, The Horse, and The Hedgehog
The hedgehog was finally clean. Tilde put it in her breast pocket and it peeped its eyes to survey the acreage. Tilde took her last sip of tea before starting her morning rounds. “Good morning Stryder,” said Tilde as she mounted the Clydesdale. Stryder whinnied in response before setting off. The faint buzzing, always present on the property, grew louder as she approached her first hive. The hedgehog dove deeper into her pocket at the sound of the bees. Bees!
By Colin Williams5 years ago in Petlife
The Cricket and the Ant
Zephyrs of summer wind teased the verdant landscape into recitals of grass ballet. Heady blossom scents collided with evaporating earth musk, joining essences in wild bouquets of redolence. Cicada concerti reeded their seven-year inspirations to a score composed in darkness. Frustrated with their irritating dissonance, the cricket raised his own distinctive chirr.
By Jennifer Johansson5 years ago in Petlife
