Simple.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and just feel empty? You feel as though your life has no purpose? You feel as though you aren't good enough. Yet all you want from life is just to live. To live a basic, mediocre life. With a simple home, a simple job, a simple family. Because simple brings peace. Tranquility. Life doesn't want that for you, or so you feel. You believe life wants you to live hard. Harder than you can sometimes handle. To the point where waking up hurts. You wake up every day, the same routine. Get out of bed, make coffee, walk the dog. Simple, yet your heart aches. Why? Do you even know why? Is it because part of you is missing? Lacking? Or is it simply because simple isn't what you want. Not the simple you have. The simple you currently live is mostly working. Working at a job that you enjoy. Working at a relationship that doesn't seem to go anywhere, but at the same time does. Working with your dog so he can live a better life for the next five years of his. Working with your family so it doesn't fall apart. Working with yourself so YOU don't fall apart. It's exhausting, isn't it? Waking up each day and going to work. Always working, never seeing progress. Never seeing the true result of the work you put in each day. Waiting for it to end. Waiting for the blissful peace you ask for. The peace you wish for, ache for every day. You sit and wonder why life is so hard on you. Why life breaks you down, beats you, and throws you around each day. You never seem to know the answer. Others tell you it's easy, just keep trying. Keep waking up. Keep pushing. But there comes a time where pushing gets to be too hard. Where you feel you've been through so much that life should just give you what you want. Because you deserve it. Because you've been beaten, raped, survived multiple loses including yourself, and just torn apart consistently. People feel as though you're giving up when you say you want a simple life, but that isn't the case. It doesn't mean giving up. It doesn't mean just working for somebody and doing whatever they say forever. It could mean any job. Any lifestyle. Just simple. Peaceful. Full of happiness and love. Where you can call some building your home and actually feel it. The word home itself resonates with that house. It's truly a safe place for you. To grow, to fall apart, to grow again. To watch others grow. You've never known that feeling before. You yearn for it. Ache for it. You want to feel it. You want to feel HOME. You want to feel HAPPY. You want to feel all of these simple things, but are they really simple? Can one truly feel just happy? Can a house really just feel like home? No strings attached? No issues, no problems, no chaos. No. Life is a whirlwind of emotions and you sometimes just have to deal with it because fighting back just makes it worse. Life gave you music, though. Which you are thankful for. Without the car rides full of singing your heart out, crying to Lewis Capaldi, jamming to Megan Thee Stallion, and whoever else, you'd be lost. You sometimes think that singing could be your calling. That's your out. That's how you get out those depressive feelings. That's how you express yourself. But you'll never be good enough. That's not a simple life. You couldn't handle the confrontation, the always watching. You don't want that life. But singing comes so easily to you. It makes you feel whole. You forget about the pain and heartache you've gone through. You become one with the music. The instruments. Guitars. Trumpets. Flutes. Drums. Pianos. You fall in love with each rhythm. With each line of every song. Your heart grows when you sing. Your stomach stops aching. Your head stops spinning. But is that really want you want out of life? To sing for people? To just sing in general? It sounds boring. YOU sound boring. You're not a good singer. There's girls on YouTube and TikTok that sing so much better than you. You think you can compete with them? With their beauty? Their vocals? Their curves? NO. You can't. Because truthfully, you are nothing. You will always be nothing. And life owes you nothing.