Stepping into a New Year

At the end of every year is seems there are many posts about how terrible the previous year was and how the next year has to be better. Then one year later the post is rinsed off and repeated.

Life just seems like such a struggle these days. You get up, put one foot in front of the other to get through the day and even when you go home there is often no peace because we find ourselves hooked into the outside world 24/7 – unless you are sleeping and sometimes even then I wake up feeling as though my brain spent the whole night processing rather than trying to offset all the input from the day and rest.

We exist in a space that is essentially micro-managed by everyone we interact with. Everything you say, post, type has the expectation of engagement, and you can’t say you don’t want the engagement because realistically if you didn’t, you wouldn’t put it out there. Everything we do/say is some form of soundbite that can be taken out of context and twisted by someone if they feel like doing so.

How do we go forward and try to find some peace, when every step is monitored – not by some government organisation but by every other person within our sphere? How to we find rest and even happiness when we have to tread so carefully through our daily lives?

I don’t have the answer to that. If I did, I likely wouldn’t be facing some of the struggles I am now.

I wonder though, if speaking our truth, saying what we mean would work like a release valve and allow us to go forward with a more solid foundation for ourselves. If we are not afraid to say our truth, then might that be empowering. First a caveat – speaking my truth doesn’t mean I am right, it is just right for me, it doesn’t mean I can’t change and grow, and it doesn’t mean I am responsible for how everyone reacts. It also doesn’t mean I can’t call out bad behaviour or BS when I see it – maybe we should add The Emperor’s New Clothes to a whole bunch of reading lists.

With that in mind here is what I am going to do to start my new year, as I shed the year of the snake and embrace the year of the fire horse, I am going to get some stuff off my chest. These things are my opinion, and I don’t expect you to agree with me, we can even still be friends unless you want to be an ass about things, I just want to get some stuff out there and then move on. So here are my life lessons and personal thoughts on some things.

1. Everyone can have an opinion but no-one else actually has to care about it or agree with it. Your opinion doesn’t necessarily carry more weight (perhaps unless you are a subject matter expert). Your opinion may be completely irrelevant to me. Just because you can say or write something doesn’t mean I have to consume it.

2. We should be able to tell someone they can’t do a thing. Some people shouldn’t have to work harder to carry the weight of those who are not competent. Yet we see people fail up all the time - which doesn’t mean we have to respect those people. It’s no wonder some people feel overlooked, disheartened and wonder why they should bother.

3. Self-awareness is undervalued. We should encourage people to get to know their strengths and weaknesses. In the words of the Gambler himself learn to – ‘know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run.’

4. This is tied to the above – Walking away from something isn’t necessarily failure. There can be an inherent strength in walking away from something you know isn’t really for you – be it a job, or a relationship. It is better for your mental health as well.

5. My confidence was hard won and both a strength and a shield for me, you don’t get to project your insecurities on to me and try to blame me for your lack.

6. I don’t have time to sugarcoat everything for you.

7. My time is valuable and not everyone deserves it, or my energy.

8. If you don’t see me and are not there when I need you, don’t expect me to be there for you. Loyalty matters.

9. If you don’t pull your weight, I’m not picking up your slack. If you are a team player and step up when it is needed, help out, then I am more inclined to help you. If you are lazy, or make excuses then don’t expect me to help you out.

10. I am not interested in your blame game and excuses. You don’t know what struggles I’ve faced in my life but I’ve had some – therefore when you come to me with your ‘woe is me story’ looking for sympathy for your shitty performance or behaviour you may not find it. (see point 8 and 9)

11. The above is not to say that there isn’t sympathy for those who matter, or those who deserve it (as per my parameters). I will burn the world down for those who matter to me.

12. I don’t need to treat everyone equally. My base line is to treat everyone as a reasonable person but as we go forward your behaviour/attitude dictates my response. Respect and trust are earned. I don’t have to like everyone and I sure as hell don’t expect everyone to like me.

Political Interlude

13. What happened at Bondi was terrible, and it doesn’t require a royal commission, that money could be better spent in so many places.

14. If you aren’t an Australian citizen, you shouldn’t be allowed to apply for a gun license. I know it won’t stop the little gun violence that we have (comparatively speaking) but it is a step in the right direction.

15. Australia has its own laws and Sharia law doesn’t belong here, if you want to live by another country’s law, even if it is based on a religion, you stay where that law is based.

16. Neither side is faultless in the war in Gaza, there is hate from both sides, one lot of hate doesn’t carry more weight than the other, and it is the innocents who suffer.

17. Antisemitism isn’t a more important form of racism than any other form.

18. The death of Rob Reiner had more impact on me than the death of Charlie Kirk. The former gave us some amazing stories while the latter brought a lot of division and hate.

19. Charlie Kirk managed to tap into a zeitgeist and made it work for himself – which no more makes him a great man than 50 Shades of Grey managing to tap into a housewife kink fantasy made it a great book on sexual kinks.

20. Donald Trump is acting like a toddler demanding attention – unfortunately we can’t ignore him because of the position he holds, but we can dial back the attention, not every thought that he has, or words someone has put in his mouth, matter. We know he is isn’t competent, and has some vile attitudes and an ego that won’t quit, but for the moment he has the power that was given to him and there sadly are consequences for that.

21. Putin needs to stop this Ukrainian land grab and fix the problems in land he has.

22. Our prisons are in a terrible state and the fix isn’t going to be the application of a couple of bandaid solutions.

End Political Interlude

23. Death happens, tragedy happens, but holding onto that moment can stop you moving forward. Let go of the ones we lose, even though it can be hard, and live your life in a way that honours them.

24. If you want something, consider working for it rather than expecting it to come easy. Life doesn’t owe you anything.

25. Your so-called influence isn’t a currency. If you want to have people consider your opinion then put your money where your mouth is, become an expert on something, or live your life genuinely, bringing something good to the world.

26. Men should get their hands of women’s reproductive rights.

27. Women should be allowed to work, to be educated, to vote, to have opinions and be listened to. Women deserve to be rewarded for their skills and effort.

28. If you want to be a Trad Wife, good for you, that is your path, don’t try forcing it on someone else.

29. Transgender rights are a complicated topic, trying to fit it into a small box solution is ultimately not helpful and undermines the complexity of all it encompasses.

30. Children are being expected to make gender and sexuality preference decisions way too young. Back the truck up people, let them just be kids, give them the time and space to decide. Bring back the tomboy.

31. When I introduce myself, I shouldn’t have to provide pronouns.

32. People overuse anxiety and depression as excuses. Sometimes life is just rough and we have nerves or stress about something, and other times the grief or sadness, stress or overwhelming emotion can keep us in a dark place for a while. We can work through and manage these times. They can be serious conditions and can require management plans or medication, I am not saying otherwise, it just pisses me off when people use them for excuses because it undermines the true difficulty of living with these conditions.

33. Change, and life in general, may seem daunting but it all starts with the first step, and then the next. Keep putting the next foot forward.

34. Will’s coming out speech was great and important, and I really enjoyed the ending of Stranger Things.

That actually feels pretty good. Maybe you should do the same.

Going forward my advice is to self-reflect, figure out who you want to be and make a game plan for that person. Live this next year in a way that means you speak and own your truth. The things that have cast a shadow on your life, shine a light on them and reduce that load. Find your tribe and embrace the things that make you happy. Use the good in your life to mitigate the not so good. You don’t owe anyone anything – unless you’ve borrowed from them in time or money.

I am grateful I have gotten this far, I’m grateful for the people in my life who have helped me do that. For those who want to hold me back – you have no power over me (my happiness at any rate). For all of you out there reading this, I wish the best for you in this coming year, whatever that may look like. Throw out the bad, embrace the good and to paraphrase the words of Mollymauk Tealeaf – we should all try to leave a place a little less sh** than we found it.