Satirical
The Illusion of Control (Now With 87% More Button-Pushing)
There’s a primal thrill in pressing a button. That tiny click feels like a handshake with destiny. A promise that the universe will move at your command. You jab that elevator “close door” button like you’re launching Apollo 13. You stab at the crosswalk “walk” button like Moses parting traffic. And for a glorious half-second, you believe you’ve changed something.... Spoiler Alert: you haven’t.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
OBITUARY: The Last Person on Earth Who Knew How to Program a VCR Has Passed, Taking the Secret of Blinking 12:00 With Them
It is with heavy hearts and perpetually blinking appliances that we announce the passing of Gerald “Gerry” Thompson, age 86; the last known human capable of programming a VCR. With him goes the final ember of an ancient and mysterious craft, one that future civilizations will one day misinterpret as sorcery.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
BREAKING: Local Man Successfully Parallel Parks on First Try, Immediately Vaporizes in Blaze of Glory
The Event That Shook Humanity It began like any other Thursday morning. The sun rose, coffee brewed, and traffic clotted itself into the arteries of the city. Yet on a quiet downtown street, history unfolded in a way no one could have anticipated.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
HISTORICAL DEEP DIVE: Archaeologists Conclude the Ancient Civilization That Built Stonehenge Was Just Very Bad at Jenga
For centuries, scholars, mystics, and travel bloggers have debated the origins of Stonehenge. Was it a calendar? A sacred site? A giant rock-based IKEA project missing half the instructions?
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
How to Achieve Inner Peace by Ignoring All Your Problems (and Maybe Faking Your Own Death)
Are you tired of stress? Exhausted by the relentless grind of responsibility, bills, and that one coworker who insists on “circle-back” meetings about nothing? You’re not alone... Millions of people struggle daily with the crushing weight of reality.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
ON THE DISCOVERY OF CANUS INSECTIVORUS
This paper explores the recent discovery of fossils believed to be derived from a species known as Canus Insectivorus, colloquially known as Bug Wolves. These animals reportedly existed for approximately ten years during the Pleistocene Era around 16,000 B.C. The fossils were uncovered in the western portion of what is now the United States during a routine dig conducted by Prof. Magnus Trelviksson, a zooarcheologist. Trelviksson’s team was investigating human dwellings when they discovered small bones. “We found Canus Insectivorus bones in the general vicinity of early dwellings,” Trelviksson stated, adding that this was proof that they were domesticated.
By Peggy Sherman4 months ago in Humor
TECH REVIEW: The Check Engine Light Does Not Mean Your Engine is “On”
At The Pompous Post™, we pride ourselves on keeping our readers informed about the latest technological breakthroughs. Last month we reviewed the cutting-edge “Toaster 2.0,” which can not only toast bread but also your hopes and dreams. This week, we turn our gaze to a truly revolutionary innovation: the Check Engine Light.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
Transport in Italy - The Origins of the Venice Subway System.
A short account of the beginnings of the hugely famous and ever popular Venice Subway System. The system was the brainchild of engineers and entrepreneur Marco Fanelli back in 1874. He conceived it as a more efficient substitute for the gondolas and riverboats on the surface of the city's many canals.
By Parody and Satire4 months ago in Humor
Why Aliens Would Do Better to Avoid Earth in 2025
Landing at Mar-a-Lago Imagine this: It's a balmy September evening in 2025, and a fleet of shimmering saucers slices through the twilight over Mar-a-Lago, their hulls humming with the promise of universal truths. Out step the extraterrestrials—slender, luminous figures with eyes like nebulae, bearing gifts of quantum drives and peace accords etched in starlight. They're here for first contact, a grand unification of worlds. But before they can utter a telepathic "Greetings, carbon-based friends," a golf cart screeches to a halt. Enter President Donald J. Trump, resplendent in a red MAGA cap, flanked by Secret Service agents clutching NDAs. "Beautiful ships, folks—tremendous. But what's the deal? You got warp tech? Fusion reactors? Because America First means we get the best terms, or you're outta here. You're fired!"
By Francisco Navarro4 months ago in Humor
