WHY DOES IT COST $100 FOR A PIZZA POCKET AND A TOILET BRUSH?

Economists, psychologists, and at least three very confused cashiers have confirmed a groundbreaking discovery. You cannot, under ANY circumstance, walk into a store for one item… and walk out with only that one item.

It is scientifically impossible. Like licking your own elbow. Or folding a fitted sheet. Or finding a politician with charisma AND honesty.

No, the brutal truth remains... You go in for a pizza pocket and a toilet brush, and you emerge $100 poorer, emotionally drained, and holding items you didn’t even know existed. This is the One-Thing Shopping Curse, and today, The Pompous Post™ releases the full, horrifying report.

🧻 SECTION I: The Curse Begins — “I Only Need One Thing”

Every doomed shopping trip begins with the same lie:

“I only need one thing. I'll be in and out!”

These words have been spoken by confident fathers, naive teenagers, financially optimistic grandmothers, and wives who swore they’d be “right back.”

None of them returned right back with a single purchase. They returned with bags... Plural... Heavy ones!

Let’s examine the classic case:

You walk into the store.

You need two very normal, very mundane items:

1. a pizza pocket
2. a toilet brush

Fifteen minutes later, you’re leaving the store with:

1. a rotisserie chicken
2. a seasonal throw pillow
3. a family-sized hummus tub
4. clearance beef jerky
5. two LED flashlights
6. a hoodie you found for $9.99
7. and a small inflatable pool shaped like a pirate ship

And you’re thinking:

“Yeah… seems reasonable.” The real tragedy? You forgot the toilet brush.

🍕 SECTION II: The Pizza Pocket Price Paradox

Let’s talk about pizza pockets.

Depending on what decade you were born in, a pizza pocket has cost:

• $0.89
• $1.29
• $1.99

your dreams, in 2025. Inflation has made the modern pizza pocket a luxury item. Apparently hand-crafted in Tuscany, by monks trained in the ancient art of microwave cuisine.

A single pizza pocket now costs $4.79, which economists categorize as:

“Technically legal, but morally questionable.” And yet, that’s not the real danger. The real danger is the add-ons. Because the moment you pick up a pizza pocket, your brain whispers:

• “Oh hey… you should get chips.”
• “Chips need dip.”
• “Dip needs soda.”
• “Soda needs ice.”
• “Ice needs a cooler.”
• “Cooler needs a bag of charcoal.”
• “Charcoal needs steak.”
• “Steak needs wine.”
• “Wine needs chocolate.”

By the time you’re done, you’ve bought ingredients for a full cookout for 17 people, and you live alone.

🪠 SECTION III: The Toilet Brush — A Gateway to Financial Ruin

Now, let’s discuss the toilet brush. You would THINK this would be a straightforward, low-price, low-risk item. Wrong! Modern toilet brushes come with:

• ergonomic handles
• splash guards
• anti-microbial bristles
• wall-mounted docking cradles
• Bluetooth
• probably Wi-Fi
• I’m pretty sure one vibrated
• Lavender Scented
• one was called “The Purge” which feels aggressive

There is no longer “a toilet brush.” There is a toilet kit.

Prices range from:

• $5: “will break instantly”
• $15: “the normal one but somehow ugly”
• $35: “overconfident designer brush”
• $79: “the Apple version, probably needs updates”

This is how you end up spending $100 on two items that should’ve totaled $12.

🤦‍♂️ SECTION IV: The Store Layout Conspiracy

Retail stores are deliberately designed by former CIA psychological warfare engineers. Think about it... You walk in for one item. Immediately, they place:

• clearance snacks
• cheap holiday décor
• a vertical rack of mystery gadgets
• and a random bin labeled “$5 OR LESS” (everything somehow still $14.99)

This triggers the part of your brain that reacts to "SHINY THINGS." And suddenly you’re in what experts call: “The Retail Trance.” You drift like a ghost through aisles you didn’t come for.

• “Why am I in automotive? I don’t even OWN a car.”
• “Why am I looking at dog toys? I don’t HAVE a dog.”
• “Oh look… is that a fondue fountain?”

🧠 SECTION V: The Impulse Rack of Doom

The impulse rack, is always located strategically at the checkout lane. Its the final boss of retail you must beat, before sliding through the glorious check-out line to glory.

It inevitably contains:

• candy
• gift cards
• lint rollers
• chapstick
• AA batteries
• weird sunglasses
• USB chargers that will explode
• beef jerky
• eyebrow razors
• stress balls
• breath mints
• mini flashlights

and magazines with headlines like:

“Foods That Will Kill You Eventually”

No human alive has successfully passed this gauntlet without adding at least $12 onto their total. ( We know... we checked)

You didn’t need gum. You didn’t need the tiny hand sanitizer shaped like a sloth. You didn’t need the off-brand Reese’s cup. But you bought them. You ALWAYS buy them. Pretty sure its a law!

💳 SECTION VI: Self-Checkout — Where Everything Goes Wrong Anyway

Self-checkout was supposed to be:

• faster
• efficient
• convenient

Instead it is:

• slow
• judgmental
• emotionally abusive

Nothing in this world increases blood pressure faster than hearing:

“Unexpected item in the bagging area.”

No it isn’t, Susan. It is CANDY. CANDY IS EXPECTED. Kinder Joy or Cadbury, you choose.

Self-checkout machines treat you like you’re attempting international fraud every time you scan a banana. Not a 'bunch', just one banana!

🧺 SECTION VII: The Final Horror — You Still Forgot the One Thing

This is the saddest part of the story. You get home. You unload your bags. You marvel at how you somehow purchased:

• three types of cheese
• a pack of mechanical pencils
• a Himalayan salt lamp
• a garden hose
• a loaf of fancy bread
• a Sudoku book
• a clearance blanket

and a rotisserie chicken you’ve already half eaten in the car. And then… You realize… You didn’t buy the damn toilet brush. You didn’t even buy the pizza pocket! You didn’t buy ANY of the things you originally went for.

Congratulations... You’ve completed the full One-Thing Shopping Cycle.

🧵 FINAL THOUGHTS: The Harsh Truth

Until science finds a cure, humanity remains helpless against the One-Thing Shopping Curse. Retailers know this. They rely on this. The world economy is powered by this. Because when you walk into a store for ONE item… you will ALWAYS leave with:

• too much stuff
• too little money
• too many regrets
• zero toilet brushes

And that, dear reader, is why a pizza pocket and a toilet brush cost $100.