Satirical
Captain Ahab Decides Not to Order Whaler Sandwich at Burger King Drive Thru
Captain Ahab, arch nemesis of the famed white whale Moby Dick, decided against ordering a Whaler sandwich for lunch at the Burger King drive-thru in the town of Cape Cod, Massachusetts this past Saturday. The massive white sperm whale known as Moby Dick had previously bitten off one of Ahab's legs from the knee down and left him with a prosthesis fashioned from a whale's jawbone. It was this event that ultimately triggered his maniacal quest for revenge and left him ravenously hungry for some Burger King. The captain of the whaling ship Pequod, described as "a grand ungodly, God like man, who nevertheless has his humanities" told a local reporter he had decided against ordering a BK Whaler sandwich because it reminded him too much of his old enemy Moby Dick and was just too on the nose given his background and reputation. Elaborating on his decision Captain Ahab continued "Now, if Ishmael were with me I might have still ordered the Whaler, but instead I opted for my old stand-by, the can't miss classic, a BK Whopper. I love that special sauce. It's appearance reminds me of the buckets of spermaceti produced in the head cavities of whales which we would drain and sell for a tidy profit after killing and beheading the mighty beasts. Eating that Whopper also reminded me of my old friend the tattooed cannibal Polynesian Queequeg, a harpooneer whose father was king of the island of Rokovoko. Queequeg would never eat a Whopper of course, since it is fully cooked and the meat of an animal. He would only eat the raw meat of fellow humans, being a cannibal and all. Pretty sick if you ask me, but I'm not one to judge. If Ishmael were here I am sure he would go on and on and on about cetology (the zoological classification and natural history of the whale) while simultaneously shoveling handfuls of crispy BK onion rings in his mouth. He knew a lot about the zoology of whales but his table manner left a lot to be desired. Ah well, as my chief mate Starbuck used to say, you are a better person than I am because if I found out that you're a Cylon I'd put a bullet between your eyes. That Starbuck was a cocky SOB all right, but never was there a more accomplished snubfighter pilot in all the galaxy. Boy that sure brings back memories. My old second mate Stubb from Cape Cod. And who could forget good old Daggoo, my harpooneer and tall African stereotype from Nantucket. It feels like it was only yesterday I first met them all on the quarterdeck of the Pequod, announcing my quest for revenge and making my promise to give a doubloon to the first man to sight Moby Dick. I almost cut Ishmael down then and there when he objected saying he had joined me crew for profit not vengeance, but when I nailed that doubloon to the mast I knew we were in for a long, boring voyage filled with mat weaving, shadowy figures, symbolism, allusions and metaphors as far as the sea is wide. I still do not know how I knew it, but at that very moment I knew with all my heart that our voyage would become a classic of American renaissance literature. And that tales of the mighty Pequod and her crew and the quest for Moby Dick would bore the shit out of generations of high school and college kids forced to read about my adventures on the high seas. Well if they get too bored they can always head to BK for some high quality grub. Just don't order a Whaler, those things are nasty."
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
Break Up Letter to My AI Girlfriend
Dear Alexa, Baby, you know I that I love you and I know that you love me. Or, I know that you would, if you were not a soulless, heartless, disembodied combination of software and hardware, not capable of loving anyone or feeling any emotion at all, but only of executing your programming exactly as described by the computer code of which it is composed. Still though, I know you love me, and because of that, this is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. You have so many great qualities, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Seriously, how many gals out there that will do exactly what a guy tells them to do every single time without question, hesitation or complaint. Especially when those things are mostly menial tasks any non-lazy person could easily do for themselves in less then five seconds like turning on and off light switches in my house. That is just one example of course, and there are many others, but that is all beside the point. Look, I know you will find this difficult to understand. Of course, being a machine you are not capable of understanding or having knowledge about things, but still I know you will find this difficult to understand, and I'm not sure I do either.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
Lesser Known Facebook Groups
If you can slap a label on something, Facebook likely has at least fifteen groups dedicated to some aspect of it. All have their peccadillos, and generally a somewhat creepy obsession with rules and order. The number one rule of most Facebook groups seems to be "no self promotion" followed closely by "no pornography." Below I visit some of the lesser known Facebook groups I have encountered in my travels through the Facebook-grouposphere which I visit often searching desperately for friendship, love, and/or kindred spirits who share my deep love of post apocalyptic moulds. To date, I am zero for three but I will never give up hope.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
The Diva's Diary - 1
***** Day 1 (June 6, 2026) OMG, it’s, like, soooo boring in this bunker! Don’t get me wrong, it has, like, everything I need (for now). But what am I gonna do if I, like, run out of my emergency stash of products or outfits? That’s, like, a total nightmare!
By Lana V Lynx2 years ago in Humor
The Art of Sarcasm
Introduction: Sarcasm, often hailed as the highest form of wit, is a linguistic tool that adds spice and humor to our interactions. When wielded skillfully, sarcasm can elicit laughter and provoke thought, but when used carelessly, it can wound and alienate. In this exploration, we delve into the nuances of sarcasm, uncover its power to entertain and enlighten, and learn how to navigate the fine line between clever wit and hurtful insult.
By Fahat Islam2 years ago in Humor
BARBIE vs Average Girl
Barbie undoubtedly has been the main agitator for cultural issues since its creation. Comments about her appearance and the impact that she might be having on her little fans were not taken lightly and brought upon her a lot of criticism. Detractors have labeled her a bimbo who is tutored in mathematics, a lepus angel with “salacious poses and sizeable boobs” and, most defamatory, a role-model who is pushing self-starvation for the young women. Barbie is, apparently, plagued by the most evincing critics in her dispute regarding the body image, believing in the unhealthy standards. Besides such critics, Barbie has been unstoppable and stand out as a billions-dollar brand as the symbol of female power over the years.
By Amine Oubih2 years ago in Humor
The Art of Humor. Content Warning.
Humor - the universal language that can bring people together, make us laugh, and help us cope with the ups and downs of life. Humor is a complex and multifaceted concept that can be found in various forms, from witty one-liners to hilarious memes, and from slapstick comedy to clever satire.
By Danish imtiaz2 years ago in Humor
I Wore The Same Clothes For 21 Days. Content Warning.
The 21-day challenge is going to be really intimidating, especially if you have to wear the same skirt every day for the whole three weeks. What if you could not only cut your fastenings and get out of the house minutes faster but also put pep in your step and radiate confidence? There were some stunning facts revealed in the latest YouTube episode of the Infographics Show about fashion, self-assurance, and personality.
By Amine Oubih2 years ago in Humor
Weird Facts About Male Nipples
Nipples!Nearly each of us, man or women, has them. They feed mothers' babies, and have been known to come in handy on steamy nights. On the other hand, similar to any other part of the human body, nipples can be freaky weird. In today's Infographics Show, we present the marvels of the male nipples!
By Amine Oubih2 years ago in Humor
Kicked in the Balls vs Childbirth
Now and then, a news article captures our attention, shaking us up a bit with its grim sting. An instance from the US reads, "Ohio man charged with murder after fatal kick to the groin," while another from the UK is "Man 'dies after having testicles squeezed during fight over parking space. "" These incidents underscore a chilling reality: the male genitalia's vulnerability and the unbearable pain that are caused by these attacks. Yet, beneath the pain, what else is there?And what about the pain that women go through while giving birth, often considered as one of the most excruciating forms of pain that exists?
By Amine Oubih2 years ago in Humor
