Satire
THE UNIVERSE IS EXPANDING (AND SO ARE YOUR PANTS)
WHEN THE COSMOS MEETS CARBS Scientists tell us the universe is expanding at an accelerating rate, fueled by mysterious forces like dark energy. And honestly? I would have to agree... Except in my case, the mysterious force is extra queso and that ill-advised third chimichanga. Cosmic inflation, they call it. Cute. Meanwhile, my jeans are experiencing catastrophic waistband failure, and astronomers aren’t writing papers about that. Forget black holes; the real singularity is your belly button after you polish off a family-size nacho platter “because it was on special.”
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
The Global Crisis of Unmatched Tupperware Lids
Chapter 1: The Drawer of Shame It starts innocently enough. A single Rubbermaid set. Maybe two, because hey, meal prep is in vogue and you have aspirations. But fast forward three years and your kitchen drawer is no longer a drawer... it’s The Bermuda Triangle of Domesticity. You open it, praying to find a matching set, only to be greeted by the mocking laughter of 43 lids and a lone, lidless bowl that looks at you like a Dickensian orphan: “Please sir… may I store some soup?”
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
🍉 BREAKING: Watermelons Declared Endangered — America Spirals Into Melon Meltdown. AI-Generated.
It started with a fungus. It ended with an entire country in full fruit-based hysteria. This is the story of what happens when you take away summer’s juiciest icon—and people lose their rind.
By Travis Johnson6 months ago in Humor
Why Crocs Are the Official Footwear of the Apocalypse
INTRO: THE END IS NIGH… AND IT’S COMFY When the four horsemen ride into town, you can bet they won’t be rocking Yeezys. When Wi-Fi dies, Starbucks becomes a post-apocalyptic war zone, and Amazon Prime falls like the Roman Empire, one shoe will rise from the ashes like a rubber Phoenix: Crocs.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
How Government Spending Works… Without Numbers
Welcome to the magical land of government spending, where math is a myth, accountability is an endangered species, and the national debt is just a number we chant before sacrificing logic to the gods of lobbying. If you've ever wondered how your tax dollars are used, abused, or lost behind a vending machine at the Pentagon, then this guide is for you!
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
The Planet Where Everyone’s Your Ex
It all started with a smoothie and a minor asteroid field. I should have known not to fly after guzzling a Strawberry Spirulina Disaster from Galaxy Smoothiez™, but I was late for a cargo run and figured: “What’s the worst that could happen?” Spoiler: total ship failure, emergency landing, and stumbling into the single weirdest planet I’ve ever encountered.
By Muhammad Hamza6 months ago in Humor
5 Internet Trends We’re All Embarrassed We Participated In
1. The Ice Bucket Challenge That Most of Us Did Without Donating Remember when dumping a freezing bucket of ice water on yourself became the ultimate social media flex? In 2014, you could not scroll for five seconds without seeing someone shrieking oh my god it is so cold while their friend dumped a bucket over their head and filmed it on a potato quality phone camera.
By Skipper Domi6 months ago in Humor
