Elegy for Elphaba 😢

Greenest Elphaba,

You're not Wicked

And I'm not Insane

These labels are slapped on us by minions, and munchkins, and malcontents, and moviemakers.

In truth, you and I are so much alike!

We both defy gravity!

You- with a broomstick

Me- through electrostatic discharge

Noone writes their own origin story.

⚡__________________ ⚡

Some people are born green and hideous.

Some people are born gallant and handsome

I just happen to be one of the lucky ones. ⚡😉👍

⚡__________________ ⚡

Every villain is the hero of their own story

Little known fact: in America today, you are 72% more likely to be victimized if you're green!

We are all just merely fruit in Fate's Refrigerator (a far more eloquent way to assess the human condition than Shakespeare ever did). Sure, everyone loves strawberries, and apples, and bananas, and, OMG! blueberries!

but limes and green apples are needed too

If not for the bad seeds, we couldn't appreciate the good ones

Everyone has a place in this world, even women with warts who have an aversion to fingernail clippers

You weren't born snotty

Snottiness was thrust upon you!

just wondering, though...

Have you ever considered electroshock therapy?

⚡__________________ ⚡

Look on the bright side: the first half of your origin story grossed $700 million worldwide! And watch and see! The second half of your backstory will gross even more! I guarantee it. Of course, you'll never live to see a penny of that money. But you will get to...

🤯⚡>+++ TIME TRAVEL ‼️+++<⚡🫨‼️

You'll... I don't know, cast a spell.

Maybe buy a DeLorean.

~You'll go all the way back to 1939!!!! ~

Sadly, once you get there, you'll discover you haven't aged well.

Still worse: you'll be (you were) melted! 😱😨😱

Why did you have buckets of water in your castle, Elphaba!?!? 😩 WHY!?!?!?😭😭😭

[WARNING: The following video is not for the weak of heart.]

YOU JUST WANTED TO HELP THE ANIMALS, ELPHABA!

AND NO ONE UNDERSTOOD YOU....!

............. except me. 😥😓

I won't dance, Elphaba, and sing "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead."

I won't dishonor your emerald memory.

I'll shoot electricity into the sky to honor you....

.....and to make certain the skies are fully cleared of all your damn flying monkeys.

You'll always embody the West!!!

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

With feigned love forever,

_____________Bolt⚡

{I didn't plan on writing this poem today, Elphaba, but seeing your movie reminded me of the first time I was ever struck by lightning. I was so sympathetic seeing what you went through with Jeff Goldblum. Although I do have to wonder... was it really necessary to do all that singing? Don't you know when you sing that much, you become exactly like the enemy?!?!? 😭😭😭😭}

Original story☝️ by ©️William Markly O'Neal II, 2025 - All rights reserved