humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
Bathrobes, Boats, and Curses
The door swung open and a heavy, sweat-soaked man rushed in the room. Another man, well nestled in a bathrobe and slippers, sat in a chair sipping coffee. The sweaty man took a few steps in the room before he paused to catch his breath. “Leonard, are you alright? I heard something coughing and sputtering up the road, and I thought I was going to have to call animal control to come and shoot some wounded animal wandering up the lane. If I had known it was you I would have called and had them use a moose tranquilizer – because I knew the second you’d stumble in here you would begin dripping sweat all over the carpet. Look – look at you go. You missed the wet t-shirt contest by about twenty minutes – better luck next season.” As the man talked Leonard remained hunched over catching his breath; he did not reply but only raised his right hand, presenting a well-intentioned single-fingered salute. Leonard knew there was no point in arguing, his brother Skip was a royal pain in the ass and always had been. Some people have always been told they were smart; others, like Skip, had never been told that and felt compelled to act as such in every scenario in the hopes that someone would call them that someday. That day hadn’t come for Skip and it was not going to come this day either. But today Leonard didn’t need someone smart, he just needed somebody to hear what he had just found.
By Peter Owen5 years ago in Humans
TelePrompter
JoAnne’s a slower reader than Tom, which is a headache because the Teleprompter has only one speed: “скоро”. At Channel 32, we broadcast live, weekdays 7pm, after re-runs of “American Trombone”, and have the second highest viewership of any local nightly news network in the Colorado/Southern Wyoming Territory. JoAnne and Tom are the Lead Anchors. They have a big glossy billboard near the I-25 off-ramp, eighteen-feet high, with smiles so bright there’s a Class-Action suit seeking damages for the up-tick in traffic collisions.
By Jacob Sheppard5 years ago in Humans
Detectives, Jesus, and Jay Z
The two detectives practically raced to the patrol car, not because of an emergency, but because Detective Lisa Chavez was in the middle of a crazy story. Detective Johnson was transferred two months after it all went down. They tried to buckle up quickly but the excitement was causing the affair to last several seconds.
By Donnalisa Madrigal5 years ago in Humans
Novice
In my defense, it was my first time in Vegas. It was probably the heady atmosphere of bright lights, expensive perfumes, and crackling anticipation that made me accept when a casino employee invited me to take the last chair in a card game. But by the time I was holding a handful of cards, eyeing a pile of colored plastic discs in front of me, and realizing we were not playing Slapjack, it was too late to extricate myself.
By Candice Bellows5 years ago in Humans
Do Cancers Suck?
Astrologically speaking, I know nothing about the stars. As a 27-year-old, I recently took a job at a grocery store deli for $9 an hour. In my heart, I knew it was temporary. The manager quickly let me know that one of the reasons she hired me was because I’m a Taurus and apparently that means I don’t like change. She thought I was going to stick around for a long time. Again, I was getting paid $9 an hour.
By Luke Haddad5 years ago in Humans
Mad Madeline
I look exactly like the genie from Aladdin. I’m blue, I’ve got a beard and I live in a lamp. The only difference is I’m not as funny as the genie from Aladdin. I’m also not flamboyant enough to break into song. But to make up for my poor sense of humour and lack of energy, I suppose I can cook pretty well.
By Dean Blake5 years ago in Humans
Fake Friends in the Yacht Club
Sunshine on the open sea. Then a parade of yachts, roaring over the horizon. These are billionaires, members of the local yacht club. Then there is Jimmy. Jimmy is not a billionaire. Only today, he’s assistant captain of a yacht, shadowing a member named Richard. The club had teamed up with a local game show to award a prize to a lucky winner. Jimmy had won. Now he gets to spend the day with them. It meant more to him than the average Joe. He dreamed of driving sports cars, of flying in private jets, of being part of a yacht club. Only, his reality was different. He takes public transit, struggles to pay rent, and works as a food prep in a pizza restaurant. At least I’m not a dishwasher, Jimmy always told himself.
By Nevin Louie5 years ago in Humans
