DISORDER?! Disorder Indeed.

Your Honor, 

Ironically, I am here before you today because I have been charged with disorderly conduct in a public place when in all actuality the reason for my disorder was a direct result of the inexcusable disorder I witnessed in our current societal systems on the night in question. In the past I have been charged with disorderly conduct, so I am aware of the extent of this charge, but this night is far from those offenses, but surprisingly enough, still equally embarrassing, not for me, but for all of us gathered here today. 

If you’ll allow me, I’d like to walk you through my night and you please enlighten me as to what disorder is more egregious. (Parenthetical notations not spoken to judge but they are JUST AS TRUTHFUL!) 

Since COVID-19 has ravaged this country, quarantines, shut downs, masks, social distancing, it has required a lot of time alone. Not by choice, as the summer is usually a time for gathering and gleefulness, but this summer until now it was suggested to hunker down and make sure to take precautions to care for ourselves. Care. Self care. On the night in question, I realized that during this time I hadn’t been exhibiting that very important self care. Quarantining, isolation, and perhaps loneliness had led me to make some decisions that weren’t in my best interest (DOING. THE. MOST.). Those decisions began eating at me and my night would have been restless and sleepless if I did not get the ball rolling in caring for my self. So, I called my mother and sister on the night in question and asked for them to take me to the emergency room in order to have an HIV screening (Escandalo. But uh no not reallly, girl stop playing and go get tested). With a million questions as to why or why now and what, they thankfully obliged. We went to the hospital and after a short prayer from my mother (Sanctified honey!) we arrived at the hospital door but due to COVID-19 restrictions only my sister was allowed in with me. Even shortly thereafter she was also left in the waiting room and I was left to go it alone on this journey which was, as you can imagine, very terrifying (They wrong for that.). When I was settled, I told the nurses that I was there (*GAY INHALE*) to get an HIV screening. They (clearly unbothered) asked for symptoms, I told them I was unaware of any. They asked if I had engaged in promiscuous sex (RUDE!) I told them I had in the past. Drug use? (MIND YO BUSINESS!) Not recently. Ultimately, the answer to my request was that they could NOT perform this screening and that I was to come back during “normal business hours”. (Excuse me what?) Yes you heard that right, “normal business hours”. At an emergency room. In a hospital. Shocked wasn't the word. They then told me I should go to my primary care physician. I said I was currently unemployed due to a wrongful termination that I am currently litigating (and by litigate, I mean I'm going to litigate my foot in Jessica's lily white a** if she keep trying me....sorry, moving on) and that surely there were some primary care physicians in this hospital right now, they said there were, I said (GURL!) well can you go and get one? This was also met in the negatory. (Chiiiiiiiiiile..) Excuses of paperwork, issues with the Health Department, coming back another day, and other reasons that didn’t meet my standard of healthcare (which at that point I had none, but I was making a point!), but were still given and so I stormed out of the hospital, rightfully appalled, grabbed my sister on the way out, who was equally appalled as well, and simply said “COVID, man”. (Love her.)

We went to Patient First after, abandoning the need for St. Mary’s religious connection (even though those nurses who told me no gonna REALLY need some prayer when I get through), but they were also closed. My loving family returned me to my home with the promise to take me to get my test the next day. Your honor, that just wasn’t enough for me (and I was out of booze to get myself to sleep? Oh hell no.) I relayed my peculiar night to my friend staying with me and he was equally outraged (he better be or that park bench would be calling his name) it got me hyperventilating, experiencing shortness of breath, head occasionally throbbing, thoughts entering and leaving my head at rapid rates, (what I now gather was a full blown panic attack....ughhh, the girls are so dramatic) so I called 911 and told them my symptoms and asked if they could send a paramedic. The police arrived and I politely told them my symptoms and also my desire (the real reason!) to simply get an HIV test. They asked if I was under the influence of drugs (I wasn’t....RUUUUUUDE), alcohol (one mixed drink hours before....Umm, COVID? Only had enough for one drink since they want to close the ABC store down all early *eye roll*), under any duress, standard questions, but they also were baffled at the request at such a late hour, I assume (Ummm, but you're up? So what's the problem. Just swab my mouth and be gone). The paramedics arrived and I again recounted my story, thankfully, a brave rescue squad member (and cute!) admitted the hospital’s failings shouldn’t be my failings and that he would find me my test. I was very thankful (.....and wet, ewwww). The first YES, in a multitude of NOs. I asked if my friend would be able to come in the ambulance (there were three of them mind you, I’m not sure why one more wouldn’t be able to squeeze in such a large vehicle), to which they replied no (TRYING ME!!!!!). Another obstacle in my self care. They said the only way that I would be able to have a comforting presence while I awaited results for a test that could change my life, would be to have someone follow behind the ambulance in another vehicle. My friend does not have a car nor a license (or a job or the sense God gave him, but that's neither here nor there) so yet another hurdle was placed in my way (Legit, feeling like the Jackie Joyner Kersee of HIV treatment...she gonna get the gold though!!!) Luckily, I have a neighbor who I had not an hour earlier alerted to his car running (which it had been for 6 hours, actually...probably in there drunk....maybe he was the one that drank all my alcohol, bless his heart) and so I knew that he was awake most likely and also willing to oblige a quid pro quo, if you will. Mind you all of this occurred within my (PAID FOR...AND ONLY SOMETIMES LATE) residence. I exited my residence ONLY to go and knock on my neighbor’s door in order to have a friend accompany me. I knocked on the door and my neighbor, clad in his underwear, appeared and I asked for the favor to be returned. My (broke, carless, jobless with a heart of gold) friend in my house, somewhat bewildered by the events was hesitant to come with me (PARK BENCH. NOW.), and I entreated him, maybe with a somewhat raised voice to “Come on man! He will take you!!”. I believe an officer said something to the effect of “He doesn’t want to go!” (This was also the officer who kept opening my door and letting all my AC out...to which I finally said "IN OR OUT!!" My mother would be proud.) Upon that I saw another neighbor I knew outside smoking a cigarette, I entreated her to say YES to my request. Upon further questioning, I talked with her the next day and she said that was a little intoxicated and that when I asked her, she said behind me the police officers were shaking their heads “NO” to her. I can’t confirm, but if so, very disheartening. (OOOOOH if I had eyes in the back of my head.... then this letter would not have happened because it would have gotten MORE than disorderly.) She declined and I returned to my neighbor to entreat him once more and then my hands were grabbed and I was placed in handcuffs and arrested for disorderly conduct in A PUBLIC PLACE. For leaving my residence. (I swear, you pay rent late ONE TIME). To ask a next-door neighbor. To bring a friend for comfort. To ride behind the ambulance. To take me wherever. To get an HIV screening. After the hospital had rejected my request for coming during “abnormal” business hours, I assume.

Disorder, you say? Disorder indeed. 

If you have questions regarding this, I implore you to review the body cam footage. In the police squad the officer informed me that she had all of this on her body cam. Including the pleas in my LIVING ROOM all the way to my arrest on my front stoop. (Don't you know this officer also said at a later date "Oh, I just think you need a therapist." #$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&*, THEN WHY DID YOU ARREST ME HO!? I'm gonna need a therapist after I finish snatching you bald.)

I will spare you the details of my visit within the jail because I know that it is probably out of your jurisdiction (and out of your realm of dietary needs because I don't know what it was but it was NOT chicken. No ma'am Pam.) , but I will tell you that they are both equally and if not more horrifying than the hoops I had to jump through (but not bigger than Adashia's earring hoops who I met in jail. I forgot I told her I would buy one of her T-Shirts on Facebook. Adashia, sorry girl, COVID. Lemme know if you still got them in stock girl! ) in the greatest country in the world in order to get a screening for HIV, a global health crisis, or pandemic I’d say, in its own right. But here we are your honor. And I respectfully would like to plead NOT guilty, I would like all court fees and fines waived, all charges related expunged, any probation/post trial requirements dismissed. I must admit, there may have been moments of passion (perhaps read as anger) , a raised voice here and there, an over excited gesticulation, (YES. ALL OF THIS. SHE IS VERY QUEER. AND TALKS WITH HER HANDS A LOT. That doesn't mean I'm a threat, it means I have a future as the "before hands" in lotion commercials.) but it was only due to my recognition of the absurdity of how difficult it was to get a test to ensure my self care and honestly the care of others. I will also say there were several brave actors along the way that nameless Tuckahoe Rescue Squad worker (CALL ME BOO!), several officers (Aww Officer Clance, you really meant well, but that pen had ZERO ink in it and I didn't have the heart to tell you) and a fellow incarcerated gentleman (in for a DUI...hmm, maybe HE drank all of my alcohol), who along the way offered bits and pieces of aid, all agreeing with the absurdity of the circumstances, but not able to tackle the larger problem on their own. I thank them. But now I implore YOU to lead the charge in your arena and within your scope to being the ball rolling in fulfilling the promises that our American systems should have for all of its citizens.

Thank you. 

(Parentheses added for levity. The actual content of the letter is real and was really read in a court of law when I represented myself in this case. Part 2 soon possibly.)

(If you need help with finding testing for HIV, Call 1-800-HIV-0440 (1-800-448-0440)