Merichel Sanchez
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Ascending and Evolving
Stories (26)
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Complex Reality
Complex PTSD come with Suicidal Thoughts: Complex PTSD affects how you see yourself, relate to the world and others around you. As well as hindering your ability to form relationships, regulating emotions and common feeling of shame, guilt and failure relating to the traumatic event. Complex PTSD is exactly that, complex.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
Get in loser we're going to heal!
Recovering and healing from childhood trauma is hard, tiring and there are times you just want to give up. From experience, I carried a heavy amount of shame and guilt. Which formed identities within me that weren't true. Having to unlearn and let go of those ideas and identities that I've followed for years is difficult. It's nerve-wracking having to stand up tall and voicing your needs when it's something you've never been good at.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
the big D
Depression dries and sucks the life out all the flowers in your garden. There are stigmas and labels that come with being diagnosed with depression or any mental illness such as an attention seeker, lazy, weak, and crazy or a failure. Personally I know it takes a strong and brave person to be able to get out of the self made hole that they feel stuck in. Being in the mindset where you feel hopeless and completely alone with the same feeling of not knowing what to do with those emotions or how to sit with them. It gets overwhelming and a bit too much. Depression is hard to detect because it isn’t the type of illness where a naked eye could see it. It’s altered for each individual. Depression doesn’t look the same for everyone. Nobody will have the same definition because nobody knows the fine lines of yourself but you.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
Wisdom(s) Teach
GRIEVING Nobody talks about how much your grieving during the healing process. Letting go of the comfort zones that we've constantly clung on too. As well as saying goodbye to parts of ourselves, we've identified strongly with and we based almost our whole existence around.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Poets
Your Responsibility
Firm boundaries weren't familiar to me. My boundaries weren't always respected. At a young age, they were violated. It was hard forming firm boundaries for myself. I didn't know how to enforce one in the first place. That's something I never had the tools for. I wasn't taught healthy boundaries and growing up I wasn't able to demonstrate or form firm boundaries towards others. Especially in sexual relationships. I became an impulsive person and I didn't think about the consequences. Even if they would float up, I'd tie up a boulder and let it sink back down. I was indecisiveness, which came from the part that I wasn't clear with my own needs. Knowing our boundaries and needs are important and it keeps us from being manipulated and taken advantage off. They are the guidelines that we've put up to be able to have a safe, respectful, and supportive relationships with others.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
Food, will you marry me?
I didn't always have a positive relationship with myself. I've always remembered hating my body and comparing myself to others. I also used that hate and beamed it towards others. It's so wild uncovering layers about yourself. Never realising most of my troubles and worries stem from something deeper. I learned that I comfort ate frequently. I'd eat when I felt those unwanted emotions like sadness, shame or loneliness. Dealing with those difficult emotions you need a safe place you can unload all those boxes and therapy was the place for me. Sh*t is daunting and uncomfortable. Sometimes we have to dig deeper and ask more questions. Like every human; I put labels on things like food; there was 'unhealthy' and 'healthy'. There were times where I would put myself on a certain diet. Go cold turkey from all the 'unhealthy' food like chocolate or packets of chips. I've honestly never stuck with a diet. It always made me want to die. I restricted myself from certain foods that I found enjoyable. Which made me unhappy and expanded my self-hatred.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
not yours, not his, but MINE
I didn't understand why my nightmares and flashback were recurring again. I told myself 'it happened years ago and that I should be over it by now'. Little did I know that trauma imprints in our body/nervous system; till we are ready to consciously heal it. Everybody has their definition of trauma. Just because something might not be traumatic for you it doesn't mean it isn't for someone else. The impact trauma has on a person is huge. Just because it happened years ago doesn't mean a person has healed from it. It's common to have a delayed reaction. At the time I dealt with the amount I was ready to process. As I grew up my views and beliefs changed. I learned and experiences new things. There's only an amount of time where you can numb, distract or hide yourself before it catches up with you again.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
Intentional Work
I've been in situations where I didn't know how to get rid of the heavy feeling in my chest. I had no clue. There were times I was numb and couldn't feel or cry it out. There were also times where the heavy feeling spread through my body. I've had therapist always tell me; "you have to feel (it) before you can realise (it)". In the beginning, I thought what a ridiculous idea, that's one thing I've been avoiding why would I want to do that. Which then made me realise that healing has to be intentional. I have to want to heal because I had to feel those emotions to let them go. And that what I did. I confronted those intense emotions and there were times I wanted to end my life. Not because I was ungrateful of the life I had but I just didn't know how to deal with those emotions. It felt like I was going to be stuck there forever. I didn't know when it was going to end. At the time I didn't grasp the concept that emotions come and go and they are normal. But wanting to kill myself wasn't normal. I personally never been the type where I was able to let my guard down and express vulnerability, especially to the people close to me. So instead I sought outside support, from local services that specifically handles mental health issues. It takes a lot of courage to seek out help. It doesn't make me weak for seeking help. It is not a weakness wanting let go of those intense emotions.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Psyche
That Spark 2.0
Almost a week ago I came to the conclusion I’ve never felt home. The first sentence of the last paragraph was; "I've come along way from where I was." At the time, I barely grasped how well I have handled the hurdles. Whether I jumped them with ease or I was thrown at it.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
Worth It
Our relationship with ourselves is the key to forming healthy external relationships. The way we view ourselves is critical. It shapes how we view everything around us. If we see ourselves as an unworthy person, we will tolerate things that we shouldn't. We'll say yes to things that disobey our true selves. Although forming a loving and healthy relationship with ourselves, isn't a walk in the park. It is learning a whole different language.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
Type of Stain
I had my first dance with mental illness at age 15 and had a psychotic episode at 16. I did a bit of time in the psych wards. That was the first-ever time I've had no access to the outside world. A psychotic episode was a normal response to having to deal with extreme circumstances that were out of my control. What was not normal was brushing it under the rug and pretended it never even happened. It was one of the unspoken secrets under the roof. I felt like I was an attention-seeker, especially from the marks I’ve made on skins. At the time I didn't know why I was doing it. I just didn't want to feel powerless and those emotions of guilt, shame, and unworthiness. For years I lived a double life. At school and around friends, I’d play the role of an outgoing and carefree person. When in reality I was drowning in misery and shame. The school was my escape, it was a place I could forget and pretend.
By Merichel Sanchez6 years ago in Motivation
