satire
Gender-focused humor and satirical sexism that both celebrates feminism and parodies its shortcomings.
Lessons I Wish I Had Learned
Yesterday I had a melt down. I just flipped out all by myself because I couldn't find my favorite dress. I threw all the clothes in my closet and dresser looking for it. Then I realized it was in the dryer and I was so relieved even if I had a lot of clothes to pick up off the floor and put away again. It's a silly dress by fashionista standards. I paid about $20 for it at one of those hard-to-get-to unique stores. It's like that dress that Charlotte was wearing in Vegas when her best gal pals (a scene from Sex and the City) were making fun of her. They said it wasn't classy, kinda cheap looking, kinda "sluttyish"... Charlotte just shrugged. She liked the dress and the way she looked in it. That's exactly how I feel in my favorite dress. It's size XL and stretchy polyester material. It's lightweight and cool and comfortable. It's a simple pattern style design and it accentuates the curvy body. It's perfect for my body. Do you know how hard it is for an inverse triangle body to find a dress that looks good on? Almost impossible. The dresses that they sell at the big name brand department store that go for $50 or more and have the sizes that cater to the above size chart, don't care about my body or the bodies of plus-sized women or the bodies of curvy women who defy that size chart. They never have. And we have driven ourselves crazy trying to keep up with the Jones's and the Kardashians with all the reindeer games of "What are you wearing?" and "Where did you get that thing?" instead of just finding what really looked good on us. Who cares what other's think? How do you feel in it? Do you feel fabulous? Then you found the right dress.
By Shanon Angermeyer Norman2 months ago in Viva
Penis Envy changed in the 70s
Did you think that Frued was a lunatic or just a sexist male chauvenist pig? Did you ever consider that as a woman you might have "penis envy" and that if you had been born with a penis all of the horrors of being a woman might never have occurred? I did. I thought maybe if I just had a penis I wouldn't be subjected to objectification, being considered property, or the disrespect that comes from those who still want to punish Eve's daughters just for having a vagina. Not only was I proud that I bore a son instead of an evil girl, I finally had my own personal penis. Or so I thought. But really it's not about the penis at all. Nope. It's not about the vagina either. This whole sexist thing is just a sado-masochistic game that both sexes have been playing since before 1908 when Freud published his "Penis Envy" theory.
By Shanon Angermeyer Norman3 months ago in Viva
Grumpy Old Lady Angry at the Economy
I'm frustrated as hell today. Grumpy and snarky. I didn't have to fight the cat to get to the coffee machine, but I couldn't find a pair of pants quick enough, and when I organized the coffee station yesterday I forgot where the filters were. By the time I sat down with my coffee I was already grumpy. The other day my ex-husband/current roommate stood at the coffee station (that cost $400 and I'm making monthly payments on) as if he owned it (because he's a bully who is three times bigger than me and he knows niether of us want to go to jail) and forced me to ask him if I could get myself a cup of coffee (because he was in my f'n way) so I did while I shot him daggers from my eyes and poured the hot coffee into my cup when I really wanted to smash the glass pot against his skull. Whoever said I'm not a good actress, lied. He gets his jollies off by demeaning me with that passive-aggressive behavior. Does it in regards to the toilet also which is why I sometimes have to leak or poo in my own personal bucket toilet.
By Shanon Angermeyer Norman3 months ago in Viva
Old lady grumbling about work
Happy October! May the leaves change colors in glorious autumn fashion and may you enjoy a tasty pumpkin spiced latte or donut this morning. I am here at my desk with a Maxwell House coffee brewed out of the cheapest coffee maker on the Walmart shelf. I like it. One button and will brew the cheapest coffee on the shelf. Good. I'm broke and I'm cheap just like my coffee maker.
By Shanon Angermeyer Norman3 months ago in Viva
Eldery people visit profound places
I found this meme today scrolling on Facebook. It was the most profound one I read and decided to write a poem and an article featuring this. Where do you think the elderly or the poor hang out? Some roach infested ghetto apartment or a sparkling clean dazzling condo overlooking the ocean? Both? Some elite gated nursing home featured on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous or some decaying old building with overworked and underpaid nurses calling it an Assisted Living Facility? A tent in the backyard where Granny fights the dog or the cat to call it "her" tent? A car that's over 20 years old and needs a new transmission and has no air conditioning or heater, but still lets Grandpa take a nap in the Walmart parking lot? Some old dusty hall where they gave the old homeless bum a free pack so he could play Bingo and try his luck? Yeah, I'm sure you can find the elderly at all of the above, but I think the meme is directly referring to places where the elderly have been much more than those younger folks. Typically, young people (child age to say around 30 somethings) are not typically hanging out at the hospital, the prison, or the cemetary unless they are employed there.
By Shanon Angermeyer Norman3 months ago in Viva
Body Image in Aging
As I mentioned in my previous article, my focus is on the topic of aging especially regarding women so I'm thinking about old ladies which is what I consider myself since I am "over the hill" (over 50 years of age). Though wise men will say that we ought not compare ourselves to others as it is a source of emotional havoc, I notice that sitting in front of a television or computer screen in a female aging body is a source of loneliness and restlessness. Though I may be wise like those men or other notable wise women in the famous stories, I see daily that comparisons are often made (intentionally or not) almost as if it is impossible to get through the day without doing so. Scroll on Facebook because you're bored and see a joke about sagging breasts. Lots of laughs but would it be funny without comparison? If we didn't have plastic boobs or 15 year old boobs to look at, would the saggy drooping old lady boobs be funny? I'll try not to compare us to animals, but when I get in a serious mood I tend to compare human behavior to the animals and the animals seem to be more civilized. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe that was as cruel as laughing at your grandmother's breasts. Did you laugh at the porn stars breasts the same way? Oh right, it isn't wise to compare. What? The laughs or the breasts?
By Shanon Angermeyer Norman4 months ago in Viva
