Latest Stories

Most recently published stories in Psyche.

Fuddled
In the heart of Rome Italy majesty and grandeur surrounded me, so much history and such beautiful architecture on display. It was a wet and bitter cold day outside and I sat in that empty hotel cafe sad and alone. My thoughts were like the traffic outside, sloshing through my mind like the wheels through those cobbled streets. Was I suicidal? At what point do you go from thinking about dying to actually outing yourself? I know I was hurting inside, hating myself, feeling terrible about my life. My fat 150 kilo body sat slumped on a green leather chesterfield, one elbow on the table top and with the other hand I ran my nails up and down the seam of my jeans. My shoulders and face were drooped, stuffed in a heavy black leather jacket with a worn out baseball cap my eyes were dim and my forehead was creased. A thick scruffy beard cloaked my face. I was sloppy as I lifted the mug to my lips and added to the drizzle on my chest.
By Dave Bolt5 years ago in Psyche
A Fresh Start
Honestly, everyone seems to have these big goals even after everything that happened last year. It still feels like 2020 hit me harder than most.
By Sergio VanNess5 years ago in Psyche
From Block to Boss:The Diary of an Addict Part 1
Every morning I woke up, feverish, chills running down my spine. My skin felt like tiny needles were pricking me all over. It was as if my epidermis had the carbonation of a freshly opened Sprite. Nausea overcame all my senses. Shaking and sweating, I rolled over searching my nightstand for the cure. Checking the clock, it was 3 AM. My 6-month-old baby still soundly asleep. I opened the drawer on the table. Small, blue glassine bags tucked neatly inside individual mini Ziploc pouches, were strewn all throughout the drawer. I rifled through them, choosing the two that looked the fullest. I began emptying them on the screen of my phone. I used to use my ID, or whatever card was readily available to sort them into lines, but I didn’t bother anymore. What did it matter what shape it was in when I put the heroin up my nose? Shaking, I reached over and grabbed the first dollar bill that my fingers could reach inside of my purse. As carefully as I could, I rolled the bill into a tube and inhaled my instant cure. I lay back, letting my mucus absorb the brownish powder substance and let it drip down the back of my throat. Within minutes, the shaking stopped. The chills went away. My skin didn’t hurt to be touched anymore. I was well again. I peered out of my bedroom window. We were in the middle of a snowstorm. 20 inches of pure white climbed almost to the top of the window frame. Maybe today I’ll have some peace and quiet. Luckily for me, I wasn’t just an addict- I was the supplier as well.
By Jessica LaConte5 years ago in Psyche
The Gulf
Hi.. Started a new job few days ago... that got me really depressed now. It is just really sad. Yesterday, I was so depressed that I couldn't even talk and I couldn't stand it myself and had to call a friend up to talk a bit. Then I guess after I talked to her a bit, I think I was able to let it go a bit and not feel so bad now. I asked her if she can tell the severity of my depression and she said she could and can even give it a range from 1 to 10. I am quite surprised that she can tell that. It's the first time I've asked her that, so I am surprised of her answers.
By Sara5 years ago in Psyche
Embodied Presence
JANUARY 1, 2021 - Wow! We made it. I never thought last year was going to end. Struggling for the energy to get through another day, while not feeling at all what I was experiencing within my body. The sluggish, uncomfortable weight of 2020: grief, heartache, frustration, impatience, longing, denial – constant, conflicting thoughts of Covid! STOP!!! Oh and...all the extra pounds from eating my feelings.
By Angela Grillo5 years ago in Psyche
Masquerade: On Learning to Live as an Autistic Woman
Masquerade! Paper faces on parade. Masquerade. Hide your face so the world will never find you. When I was seven, I read an abridged version of Phantom of the Opera. The musical happened to be coming to town, so my dad took me. From that moment forward, Phantom was all I talked about for years.
By Alexa Baczak5 years ago in Psyche
Finally Stepping into the Light
I've always been scared of being found. While I can seem confident and sassy once you know me, I really am just super shy and afraid of who you are and who you know.
By Ashley Orellana5 years ago in Psyche
This is my strength
Life isn't easy and never will be. If it was would it really be worth it? I say no it wouldn't. Now hear me out. If all you ever lived were happy days never once having a day of pain. Would you ever know what true happiness is? Not really no. The reason I ask is when some has had a hard life and you don't see how they could possibly be happy. Stop and remember it takes a form of darkness to also have light.
By Haven Queen5 years ago in Psyche
My voice in the Mirror
You know when a character has a moral conflict in an animated or comedic movie and the little angel version of themselves appears on one shoulder and a devil appears on the other? It's always been a fun dynamic, visualizing the conflict people have in their heads as they have their inner thoughts displayed to the audience. I wish the mirror was like that. I wish my head was like that actually, letting me actually know what's right and wrong. Every single time I want to think, I find myself drifting to the mirror.
By The DemonMaster5 years ago in Psyche
The Pressure of a Teenager
My emotions are in a bottle. The lid is somewhere around my chest and it hurts as it tightens. Twisting to keep everything inside, so that nothing leaks out. But they weren’t always like this. They used to pour out of my body like a broken fountain.
By Roses Will Bloom5 years ago in Psyche
Loving A Narcissist
This was an article that I had planned to write a little later, though I had been doing research on it for sometime. I had initially wanted the first few articles on my page to be a little more lighthearted, though helpful. But in light of the recent accusations against Marilyn Manson, and the disgusting comments that I am seeing as a result brought up the reminder that a lot of people do not understand the dynamics of abuse.
By Magdalena Valentine5 years ago in Psyche
Your Mind Is a Garden: Water It
Dear Future Self, You did it. You got up from that dark room, opened the blinds, and welcomed the sunshine in. Like a snail lugging a heavy shell, it took all your bones- heavy as they were to wake up. Yet you did it. You woke up, had a workout, showered, made breakfast, and had coffee. In between sips, you savored the moment, making peace with yourself, vowing to try again after the battering your soul took. Upon wake, you tell yourself there is hope.
By Njideka Kingsley5 years ago in Psyche