My Day at the Beach

Thank you for coming out here today

You’re probably wondering why I called you

Although, I don’t know what you want me to say

The truth is too bizarre to be considered true

No one believed me that time at the grocery store

And they laughed at me over the bookshop screw-up

If that wasn’t enough going on, there’s even more

Now, uncontrollably, everything in my life has blown up

You were the first person I thought to call

I hope you don’t mind, I’m glad you came

Give me a moment, and I’ll tell you it all

I promise you, I’m not playing some game

I’m just trying to gather myself together

Sorry, I’m still in shock from everything

Anyways, we’ve been having some nice, hot weather

And I didn’t have much to do or anything

So, I decided to go to Woody’s Beach

For a pleasant day of sand and sun

I even took fruit and soda snacks, two each

I planned on a full day of watery fun

When I arrived, I set up my umbrella, and put on my lotion

I sat on my towel, fully intending to enjoy my new book

There were so many people and so much commotion

I was so very distracted, all I could do was look

Kids building castles, dogs chasing frisbees

People were surfing, mothers were chasing their tykes

Everyone was running here and there, they were such busy bees

And there she sat serenely, all alone, smiling so elusive-like

She was wearing a butterfly-covered one-piece bathingsuit

As she sat on her pink beach towel by some shells

There was no denying it, she sure did look cute

This time I would get proof I wasn’t telling tales

So I opened my beach bag and pulled out my cell phone

Getting up, I moseyed over to where she sat as if she were a queen

So intent was I on her, I never saw the man with the ice cream cone

What happened next could only happen in a movie scene

He and I collided, my phone went one way, his ice cream the other

The cell came to rest in a pail of water some kids were using for castles

While the cone landed in Mona’s lap, (why couldn’t it’ve been another?)

The chocolate ice cream was awful dark on all that pastel

You’d think that’d been enough of a warning for me to walk away

But no, I ran right on over and tried to wipe it all off

I know what you think, you think my mind has completely gone astray

I can see you wanting to let out a scoff

You’re thinking maybe I need a padded room without a view

Looks like for awhile, freedom will be out of my reach

But I am telling you this statement is true

I’m in jail for assaulting Mona Lisa at the beach