Her Majesty Mia and her minions

I rule this rag tag lot… they’re not much, but they’re all I’ve got! I preside at the head of the table, my indisputable, rightful place. But, I randomly perch on other chairs at a moment’s notice… whenever the mood strikes. Such fun keeping them off balance. Fun reminding them who’s boss... ME!

They’re a disrespectful bunch, acting like they’re more important than me! Disgraceful! Though quite the mathematician, I lost track eons ago, of how often they almost sit on my gorgeous, ginger spotted, striped self. Do their eyes not function as well as my impressive emerald orbs? Clearly not! Thankfully, I have nerves of steel. My perfected Sphynx pose stands me in good stead. Eyes gazing impassively off to infinity… impervious to their careless actions. Often, they miss me by the tip of my silvery whiskers, but hey, I’m still here, still winning, still Queen Mia… monarch of an unimpressive empire.

Join me now, for a speed walk through my typically busy day… quickly! Step briskly! Time’s a wasting!

My days start early… unlike the rest of my household… sluggardly sloths! Early to bed, early to rise. I vainly hope they’ll cease their slumbering, adopt my motto. Restively, I stare out my window… into the inky night, crisp breezes gently caress my delicate brow and twitching ears. Nothing stirs… all is calm. It’s enough to drive a cat crazy! I’m raring to go… a bundle of bounce… braced for a sprint start into the day!

Come on… come on… same old story, every day!

Bored, I leap across to a favourite sleep station… atop the sky-coloured car. I amble up onto its roof… leaving a satisfying trail of pretty paw prints on the sloping windscreen. Transient artwork at its best!

Oh dear… ugh, ugh, ugh… another fur ball coming up! I hasten back down and with precise timing and aim, deposit it onto the windscreen wiper. Hah... I wonder how long it‘ll take them to notice it this time.

Shhh! Someone’s heading my way… time for breakfast?

Now!

Now!

Now!

Impatiently, I summon them imperiously… for all the difference it makes. The wooden wall slides open. Mummm steps through… watch out! Clumsy clot! You almost tripped on my wonderfully, weaving body. Main course and dessert are dutifully delivered. As a reward, I permit her to brush my coat a few times before dismissing her.

My large, leaping, Labrador brother, excitedly accepts his food… such a people pleaser! Meandering in tight circles, just inside my doorway, I linger… here he comes! Hudddy makes a fool of himself with his exuberant greeting, saving me the time and effort of washing my face and tail. Surprisingly, I actually like my big bro.

Mummm bustles off to hold my front screen door open… cautiously, I sniff every surface before exiting into a dangerous world, of slithering snakes and squawking sparrows. Moments later, I dive back through the cat flap. If I’m speedy, I can skid back into the kitchen before she returns!

What!? Where are they all? Hopeless help!

NO!!

NO!!

NO!!

Rapidly rising, they stagger out, to check what’s wrong.

Nothing! Nothing except for your gross neglect! I’m all alone!

Good! Now everyone’s eyes are open, I’ll close mine… purrfect time for a nice nap… or not! Is that a yoghurt tub being scraped out? Well worth abandoning my chair and wearing yoghurt caked ears… delectable dish! Mmm… do I smell pork? Yes, Yes, YES!!

After supervising the breakfast rush, with several near misses from blundering boots… I settle down for a snooze or six. Another flat-out day, stretches out before me. Sunlit sills; silky, soft bedspreads; cosy chairs… all suitable slumber sites.

It’s not a bad life! Other fabulous felines may believe they have it better, but all my life (over sixteen yee-arrs [whatever they are])… my crazy crew have entertained, fussed over and fed me!

I’ll keep them!

****

Written for Belle’s Inside the Animal’s Mind unofficial challenge.

Here’s another story about Mia’s big bro Hudddy.

I seem to like cheery stories about animals… below is another story about the Perfect Pet.