Transformation Creates a Range of Emotions

The Austrian poet Ranier Maria Rilke once encouraged,

“Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”

I can look back over my life at changes I was brave enough to make. From fitness goals to leaving behind toxic relationships, I can see that these transformations came with a wide range of emotions.

These were positive changes that moved me forward, so emotions like pride, happiness, and peace made sense. Yet, the journey to change each time also came with difficult emotions.

Those negative emotions left me confused, asking "why?"

1. I am making brave changes, why am I uncomfortable?
2. I am changing for the better, why am I afraid?
3. I am letting go of situations that don't serve my best self, why does this feel like grief?

In the end, discomfort, fear, and sadness were the negative feelings that would show up and surprise me the most. Why these three?

Discomfort=Growing Pains

Discomfort shows up for various reasons.

First, it's easier to stay the same. Changing is tough, even uncomfortable. Sitting on the couch watching TV after work is easier than running a mile. Reaching for junk food takes less effort than cooking nutritious meals. Putting up with a toxic boss sucks, but you avoid the time-consuming job search.

In most areas of life remaining the same is easier than risking something new. So, when you finally choose differently, discomfort pops up.

Growing pains are both physical and emotional realities.

Transformation requires we endure discomfort, trusting that it will lead us to an authentic sense of comfort, found only in making the choice to become our best selves.

The Two Sides of Fear

Next, fear may crop up during periods of intense change. There are two sides to this fear.

First, there is the fear of the unknown and the chance that your attempts might result in failure. Failure is scary, but don't let it stop you.

At the start of any transformation, admit to yourself: there will be failures along this journey. Proclaim failure and anticipate it. Of course, you will fail at some point, and that is okay.

Say you commit to running a marathon. Some weeks you will breeze through your training schedule. Others, you will feel like quitting; each run will feel like a burden. Some weeks, you overflow with self-belief, and, then, doubt everything the next.

Both the ups and downs are opportunities for growth. Even when you fail to complete your training, reframe that as a chance to learn about the courage to begin again.

That's the point: even failure is a teacher, avoiding it cuts us off from chances to learn and grow.

Ironically, the other side of fearing failure is a fear of success.

If you’ve lived a life characterized by toxic patterns, you are no stranger to failure. Strangely, failure can start to feel like home when you live there long enough.

If failure has become familiar even comfortable, then wade into success slowly.

Test-drive small victories, noting how success feels, realizing who you are at the core hasn't changed; you're simply moving in an empowered direction.

Grieving Your "Before"

Finally, sadness will arise for a couple of reasons. First, we might feel sad when we start to change, but those around us do not.

In an ideal world, people would applaud our brave changes, maybe even join us. Unfortunately, most people will choose to stay where they are, and they might even invite us to go off track.

Most of these people are not malicious, just stuck. For us to keep growing, we will need to change our dynamics with these people, even leave them behind in some cases.

Naturally, this realization will cause some sadness.

Leaving behind the old version of ourselves can also spark some grief. Even if we hated our former selves, that version saw us through a lot...maybe even helped us survive life. Sometimes you have to grieve the old to make room for the new,

Grieve that old self properly by showing it the respect and gratitude it deserves and accepting that version of you is no longer the one you need to survive. Ultimately, embrace now: a place where you are building a life focused on thriving.

Embrace ALL the Emotions of Change

These negative emotions: the discomfort, the sadness, the fear are not indications we are going the wrong way but instead signs are exiting a comfort zone that no longer serves us.

Don't reject these emotions; learn to sit with them. In the end, keep moving forward.

Be open. Embrace the full range of emotions that crop up on your journey of transformation.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this story, please hit "subscribe" or show a little extra love with a tip. I appreciate you in advance for any support. You can follow me on Twitter @cadenzacreates.

This is a revised and repurposed version of this article. You can find the original version on Medium, here.

©Heather Martin, 2021