Affection and Healing for Yourself

During the night of the last quarter moon, I gathered my ritual supplies.

I carefully handled the chunk of black tourmaline that would protect me from your overall negative and narcissistic energy. I carefully walked the house with my stick of selenite in hand, asking the universe to cleanse our working space.

On my wooden altar plate, I placed the circle of rose petals for healing and bringing in positivity and love towards my candle and psyche. I placed a black circle around your candle to help absorb your toxic energy. Beneath both candles was salt to draw out the negative energy, for protection, and to intensify the actions I was going to invoke.

Between the two candles, about an inch below the wick, I tied off a jute rope. Rope is the representation of deep, binding, and power-laden attachments. I wanted the rope to signify the strength of the bond and relationship we had shared. I wanted it to break, so that I could once again regain my freedom from you.

Upon lighting the candles, I felt nothing. I looked over the words of my invocation and sighed inwardly. It didn’t take long for the memories to surface, for the words to creep out from within their cryptic tombs. Overall, this symbolic ritual was a practice of my skills and resilience. This ritual would help my spirit to be reborn and freed by releasing the emotional, energetic, and psychological attachment between you and me. It was never about my free will; it was never about pointing the blame; it was about focusing on reclaiming my energy and boundaries.

Steps:

* Position the candles several inches apart (preferably on a fire safe surface! Not the wooden surface like I did.)

* Tie the cord around both candles, connecting them.

* Name the bond aloud or silently (be specific but neutral, avoiding blame)

* Light the candles, starting with the one that represented self.

* As the flame burns toward the cord, focus on your release (not destruction). Give sight to the energy returning where it belongs (positive with me/negative away from me.)

* When the cord burns and then breaks, give yourself pause acknowledging the moment and the separation.

* Extinguish the candles safely once you feel complete.

Waiting patiently for the candle wick to burn down, I sat on the floor, grounded and waiting. My anxiety flared, nausea hit me like a brick. I felt your energy as I silently read over the words of the invocation I had written. The words were hard to speak, like you were choking the voice from within me. I slowly found the strength to find my voice. I smoldered in the tears and felt like I was dying. I had loved you, and I had dedicated my life to you.

~

For 18 years, my life was intertwined with yours – through love and labor, through endurance and becoming, through moments of safety and moments of loss.

I honor what is real.

I honor what sustained us.

I honor the version of myself who stayed,

Who hoped and who tried.

And now, I acknowledge this truth.

What once shaped me no longer defines me.

I release the emotional ties that bind me to patters of the past –

The expectations, the grief, the unspoken promises,

The weight of what could not be carried forward.

I let go of responsibility for another’s healing, another’s choices, another unfinished work.

What is mine returns to me, whole and intact.

What is not mine dissolves, without harm or resentment.

I am no longer tethered to memory as obligation,

Nor to history as destiny.

With clarity and self-respect,

I choose separation without bitterness,

Freedom without erasure,

And peace without apology.

The cord is now released.

The lesson remains.

The bond ends here.

Closing: I am allowed to outgrow what once kept me alive. I carry forward wisdom, not weight.

~

When the cord had separated, I felt the weight of the relationship within me. When it broke, I felt my breath hitch. These feelings no longer support me, and I choose to move forward. I felt the release untangle from my body. I felt the sense of finally letting go of it all. The pain, the anger, the hurt, the words, the broken feelings…everything. You no longer had a hold over me.

Cord cutting rituals can be used to release unhealthy attachments, lingering emotional bonds, and establish energetic boundaries. Its purpose is to support personal closure and emotional autonomy.

~

In short, I loved you and dedicated my life to you for eighteen years. I had plans to grow old with you; hold you and care for you through sickness and health; and be with you even when your flaws became more prevalent. You meant everything to me, and you still do. But unfortunately, I’ll never love you the same way. I release responsibility for what I did not cause, could not control, and cannot repair. And I’ll close this chapter of my life to turn the page and begin anew.

Love will find me again. While I wait on the universe to provide, I’ve deleted your photos from my phone. I’ve removed your family from my contacts and Facebook feed. And I’ve officially let you go. I reclaim myself and my peace.

~

I know this is supposed to be a story of affection, and it is. It’s a story about affection, love, and care for yourself, for your peace, and to remind yourself that you matter. Your existence is just as important individually as it is with a partner. We all deserve that. If you find yourself out there healing…give yourself space, time, and love. The universe, she will provide for you again.