Transform your life gradually

If you're like most people, there's often a gap between the person you currently are and the person you aspire to be. You have a list of things, both small and big, that you believe you should do or want to achieve. It could be exercising regularly, eating healthier, learning a new language, working on your novel, reading more, or simply dedicating more time to your hobbies instead of mindlessly browsing the internet.

However, it sometimes feels like reaching your goals requires a complete transformation into a different person. Someone who is consistently motivated, puts in extra effort, possesses discipline, and has unwavering willpower. Maybe you've made a strong effort to be that person in the past, and it worked for a while. But eventually, you found yourself slipping back into old habits. It can be frustrating and disheartening to continually fall short, leading to feelings of annoyance and disappointment in yourself.

If you believe the "success and hustle" rhetoric often found on the internet, you might think it's solely your fault for not achieving what you desire. The prevailing message is that if you don't succeed, it's because you didn't want it enough, and the failure lies entirely with you. However, the reality is that change is genuinely challenging. Like most things in life, understanding why change is difficult can make the process easier.

Imagine your brain as a dense and intricate jungle. Navigating through it to make decisions or take action is akin to traversing an actual jungle—it's demanding and consumes energy. Your brain dislikes expending energy, so it has devised a clever strategy: every action and behavior you engage in leaves a path in the jungle of your mind.

When you start doing something new, you create rough trails by trampling down plants and foliage. The more frequently you engage in that activity, the more defined the path becomes. Over time, the trail transforms into a well-trodden path, making it easier for you to follow. With years of repetition, that path becomes a highway—a familiar and effortless route to take.

The more pronounced these brain highways become, the more comfortable you get with them. Consequently, you continue using them, sticking to what you've always done. This is why change is arduous, particularly as an adult when your mental jungle is crisscrossed by established streets and highways.

To understand how these highways are constructed, we need to distinguish between two things: routines and habits. A routine is a sequence of actions you perform in the same manner each time because it has proven to yield favorable results. For example, following a specific order when cooking your favorite dish because you enjoy the taste or setting an alarm for a specific time to wake up.

Think of routines as the actions executed by a wise planner. It's deliberate, slow, and analytical, focused on strategizing and making calculated decisions. The wise planner considers the future and carefully selects actions that will lead to desired outcomes, even if they may be uncomfortable, such as taking a cold shower in the morning.

Over time, routines can evolve into habits. Habits feel easier because they are actions performed without conscious thought. They have been repeated so frequently that your brain perceives them as rewarding and suitable responses to certain situations. Engaging in a habit feels like being on autopilot—you don't need to convince yourself to do it; you just do it.

Habits are executed by an impulsive toddler within your brain. The toddler responds to immediate desires and the environment around you, without considering long-term goals. It dislikes hard work and doesn't acknowledge the future. When the toddler encounters a trigger, it guides you down the easy road in your brain that leads to a familiar and rewarding outcome. For example, if you always buy a cookie with your morning coffee, the toddler insists on having the cookie because that's what you've always done.

These rewarding feelings associated with certain actions are also how most of your bad habits began. Chocolate tastes good, and browsing Reddit occasionally provides mild entertainment. Consequently, you repeat these actions, even if they are detrimental to your well-being. The rewarding sensation demands repetition, giving birth to a bad habit.

Although the impulsive toddler may sound like a self-sabotaging mechanism, it is as important as the wise planner. They work together most of the time. You need the wise planner for tasks that require deep thought, like making important decisions or completing complex mental challenges. However, relying solely on the wise planner for every task would drain too much energy. Outsourcing mundane and repetitive tasks to habits, managed by the toddler, allows your brain to efficiently manage daily life while simultaneously dealing with more mentally demanding tasks.

If you want to make change easier, forcing it with sheer willpower may not be the best approach. Instead, the key lies in convincing your brain that the change isn't as daunting as it seems. This can be achieved by creating new routines and gradually transforming them into habits. The goal is to have the wise planner construct the initial path and let the impulsive toddler initiate the action effortlessly.

For example, let's say your goal is to become fitter by working out regularly, a common aspiration. To begin, break down this vague goal into clear and separate actions that are specific and manageable. For instance, start with a tangible action like doing ten squats every morning. As you create a routine for this action, incorporate clear triggers that the toddler can pick up on later.

Triggers are signals associated with the action, and they can be visual cues, specific times of the day, designated locations, or a combination of these elements. The crucial aspect is consistently starting the action within a particular context. These triggers serve as the start button that eventually prompts the action automatically.

To establish a habit of doing ten squats as part of a home workout routine, you could ensure you always wear your exercise gear and perform the squats in the same place and at the same time, such as your living room at 8 am. Once you have established the trigger and action, the key is to repeat them regularly, ideally every day. With persistence, the routine will transform into a habit, and the trail will evolve into a highway. Performing the squats will still require energy, but the decision to do them will feel less burdensome and more ingrained into your daily routine.

While this approach may sound simple, it's not easy. Many actions you want to turn into habits may not offer immediate gratification like scrolling through Reddit. To make the new action easier to repeat and more likely to be embraced by the impulsive toddler, try to make it enjoyable in itself. This could involve listening to your favorite podcast while working out or using idle time, like waiting for a computer to load, to work on your taxes. It's essential to discover what makes the action pleasurable for you.

In summary, change can be frustratingly simple, but it's rarely easy. However, understanding the science of habits reminds us that change is possible, regardless of age. Even if you only manage to incorporate a few positive changes into your life, it's still a success. Becoming a little healthier or more knowledgeable is infinitely better than remaining dissatisfied with the status quo. Ultimately, change is a direction rather than a destination.