The Sound of a Gunshot and where to find Security

I just heard a gunshot. I would venture to say: I could not ask for a better wake up call than this.

Positivity is a virtue, and pessimism is pie faced, and I don’t know when the funeral will be.

What?

What’s the positive in this?

I got you with the title, I hope. The gunshot taught me something — nothing is in our control, and there is something skulking in the shadows waiting to lead me on a path I had not intended to be on.

I can’t keep looking outside of myself for a sense of security.

Instead, I needed to find peace within, and focus on the relationships I have outside of the serious stuff I need…to do. Life to me, is not about work, and fighting to stay employed; but it is about inner peace and being able to serve each other in an altruistic way.

Where would I be if I looked outside myself?

I’d be in the forest, jumping into puddles and splashing the leaves with the water drops that managed to escape. I would be able to see a lot more of the beauty in life, but looking TOO FAR outside myself will fill me with pessimistic junk food — it would make me waste away like a burning candle.

While I could live in extremes, igniting the fire day and night, getting enough sleep and slowing down made me a better me. I can’t see how feigning to know what the heck I am doing, half the time, is even healthy. How many times has that gotten me drenched in stress? Plenty.

The universe has got your back

Before I came to Vocal: August 4, 2024. The universe sprinkled fairy dust on my path, and if I was TOO BUSY, I wouldn't be able to scoop some with my index finger, and test it out before flying towards the stars . Although I was working hard, posting everyday, I still had not taken any risks to gain recognition, but this was not true.

Turns out I didn't know myself as well as I thought I did.

I did not realise I had a genie in the bottle, whom I was actively speaking to.

I was ‘resting’. In the midst of these mammoth tasks of typing spoken words — how profound, when I found out that I did not know the story I was about to write (however many published days later), would gain a star, ‘A body on the bridge’ stamped as Top Story. A piece birth from my own mind, coming from my own well.

Those previous published pieces were my warmup, even though they did not come from my own imagination.

At the time I had not written anything — I took too long, it had been way too long. But yet, everything was right on time.

A phrase that stuck with me

‘Third times a charm’, someone with a terrible memory like my own, would not have remembered anything this short; but this essay took me three tries and this better be the last.

Trying beyond the limits of being thorough… is mental suicide

While I would be the first to control everything, I can’t blame myself for the losses that may result, if I did not go beyond being thorough. There’s no ladder after the ladder that I’ve already climbed. There’s no better goal than trying again tomorrow but slower, so that I can be more diligent.

diligence

in British English

(ˈdɪlɪdʒəns IPA Pronunciation Guide )

noun

1. steady and careful application

2. proper attention or care

3. law

the degree of care required in a given situation

I hope that the day I die, my spirit won't be stirring below the wood and velvet in my casket — still hoping for perfection, ticking something off the list, never meant to be completed, yet.

Perfection is inhuman

If I could win the lottery every time I cringed at the mistakes I’ve made… I would still be writing. But I can’t be afraid of hard work, I just need to approach it in a different way. I've learnt to enjoy the process, resisting the urge to take short cuts.

I found I could do things a lot better when I slow down, I am a lot less clumsy when my expectations aren’t too high for me to reach. My hands do shake, but my mind is alert and I can see things through to its end without feeling frustrated.

Deadly frustration slows down progress of every kind.

The importance of writing

Even if I don’t write fiction or poetry but just a word or an essay of reflection for the moment, it has value because I can begin to see where I’ve gotten to, where I still need to go and how much is too much.

How much of that ‘too much’ is just laziness masquerading as a burnout.

When I don’t write I feel lost, it’s almost like the world around me appears to have too many paths. I tend to walk along each one with no intention or reason, then I end up dry and miserable. Writing of every kind: fiction, poetry, essay, journaling, stream of consciousness is like oxygen. I need it, not just for the money and the food I can buy to eat, but as a way to relate to everyone around me.

It is a way to learn new things, a way for me to explore a world outside of this one. A way to live the dreams I wish I could and a way to form meaning and purpose.

Being good but not great is doable

My goal was to be recognised for something I am good at and will continue to improve on, not something I am great at and need no further improvement —or even something I am no good at and work indefatigably to end up… nowhere.

Being good but not great is doable, but continuing to do something I am no good at even after many tries — will never be doable. I don’t want to spend my time doing something I am not good at, and even if I have to, I better have something I am good at on the side. Because one keeps the other going.

In conclusion

Nothing in this world is secure.

True security comes from within, you can find it when you do the things you are good at, as much as you can.

You can find it when you rely NOT on yourself, but something greater. That could be a genie, a book, or even palo santo.

A/N: ⬆️ for reading. If you haven’t yet subscribed you can do so for free 😁 if you liked this piece, please leave me a comment, if you didn’t please give me a heart ❤️ 🙏🏽