I Didn’t Realise I Was an Alcoholic in my Twenties

There was nothing I enjoyed more in my youth than a boozy night out with the lads.

We would begin the evening supping vodka and coke while listening to music and playing poker. Then we would go clubbing and dance the night away. It was all great fun at the time and I don’t regret a moment of it.

What I do regret however, was my sheer ignorance at the damage I was doing to my body at the time. But as far as I was concerned, I was young and indestructible. Besides which, everyone else was doing it and nobody seemed harmed. It was all just innocent fun, until …

One night I was drinking at my friend’s house and his mum was there. She actually went clubbing with us sometimes and was a really good laugh. I will be honest and say I was a little bit infatuated with her, but any chance of mutual appreciation was soon to be shattered ...

I was kneeling on the floor while chatting away to her and swigging my vodka and coke. I tended to fidget a lot when talking to people due to nerves. So for some reason I locked my fingers behind my back in the way you do when you have a stretch. And that’s when it happened …

As I was talking, I began to lose my balance and started tipping forwards. But because I was so drunk, I didn't manage to unlock my fingers from behind my back and ended up smashing my head on the ground in front of her. I will never forget what she said until this day …

“Simon. Are you totally deranged!”

Even though I was extremely embarrassed the alcohol lessened the blow and I laughed out loud with my friends. But inside something was telling me there was a big problem. Her words had hit home and I was completely devastated.

That very same evening, we went out clubbing and I collapsed on the dance floor with an extreme pain in my side. I hoped that no-one had noticed and I managed to leave and get a taxi home. It’s amazing how a shock like this can sober you up in an instant. I knew it could be my liver and I was absolutely terrified!

I started to realise for the first time I had a very real problem with alcohol. The warning signs had already been there in the form of some uncontrollable shaking and sweating. At the time I thought it was just because I was nervous in front of people, but it was actually withdrawal symptoms and I had ignored them.

Now I had to stop!

The hardest part was being cut off from my friends when they went out drinking and clubbing. But eventually they got fed up with my excuses for not going out anymore and just stopped asking me. Perhaps in truth some of them were not really true friends, as looking back I remember a few of them encouraged me to keep drinking. But then again, maybe I was not the only one with a problem!

I didn’t receive any help to quit alcohol due to my shame and embarrassment. But somehow I managed to refrain from for the next two years and my body was young and strong enough to heal. The only thing I didn’t recover from was the damage to my stomach. I gained a small hiatus hernia from all the alcohol abuse and still suffer from reflux in my 50s. But at least I’m still here!

In a strange twist of irony, it was likely that another one of my addictions helped me greatly to stop drinking alcohol. I was heavily into gambling at the time and rarely had any money left after playing the slot machines for a pack of cigarettes, never mind vodka. But that’s another story …

Thanks for reading

*

Originally published at https://medium.com/never-stop-writing/i-didnt-realise-i-was-an-alcoholic-in-my-twenties-97bbe696af1e