Day 37 of My 40 Day Fast: Why Does Nature Gross Me Out?

I used to run around outdoors barefoot as a child. We had a gravel driveway and running up and down it with no shoes didn't even make me wince.

My siblings and I would roll around in the grass. We’d get our hands in the dirt and make mud pies. I'd bring a handful of dirt to my face and inhale the smell. I loved the feeling of cool dirt on my hands. We played around with worms, slugs, and whatever interesting bugs we could find. How did I get so far removed from this girl?

I’m aware of the benefits of nature and try to get out into it, but while I'm out there I feel an aversion to parts of it.

I detest bugs, and I’m hyper aware of them. If I'm sitting at the park, the moment I see a bug on my blanket ‘off’ I say and sweep it away. If I'm sitting in my yard and a fly lands in my vicinity, I shoo it away. If I'm at the beach or walking on a trail, I am on guard. If there's a bug in my room, I’m not at peace until it’s outside. Bugs freak me out, and I'm not sure why. Maybe they’re out to get me?

Occasionally I do some gardening, so I don't mind getting dirty. I still love the feel and smell of dirt. However, when I did get it on me I’d eventually wash it off with soap as though it’s a foreign element that doesn't belong on my skin. But scented lotions do?

There’s a lot of information about the beneficial effects of simply walking barefoot on grass and earth. The first time I tried it I slipped one foot out of my sandals and tentatively placed it onto my yard as though it were a bed of fish. As soon as my foot touched the earth, the feeling of grass and dirt, and the thought of all the bugs, made me squeamish. I thought I’ll try again later.

Since starting this fast I've been spending a lot of time indoors. The last couple of days I was forced to get out of my room and sit in my yard, and I realized that I could do everything I’m doing while outdoors.

Sitting outside has made me realize how much of my attention goes towards bugs. Do these tiny creatures really deserve the negative feelings I let arise within me? I've stopped paying attention to them, and they leave me alone. Occasionally I feel a soft bite, but I've come to know that’s what bugs do when they're curious or simply trapped under my clothes. I’m learning to develop a harmonious relationship with them. They are vital to my very existence, and to that same degree they deserve respect.

I’ve also begun to take my sandals off and walk around barefoot on the grass and cement. It doesn't feel gross anymore, instead it gives me that warm feeling of nostalgia like I found a part of me that went missing a long time ago.

I did think about the fact that I may develop dry or calloused heels. In history lighter and soft skin has been associated with status. It was the labourers that had dry cracked skin, which is the skin’s natural way of helping us bear the brunt of work. If preserving my foot’s softness takes me further away from nature and my own natural self then that’s now a tradeoff I’m no longer willing to make.

Humanity continues to head further away from it’s naturalness. We no longer see ourselves as the nature beings that we are. We keep ourselves and our homes clean and smelling artificial with scented antibacterial agents. We stay within the walls of our homes, cars, offices, etc., the majority of the time. We’re constantly developing new land to create closed-off spaces. We are repelled by the rain. We prefer artificial smells rather than our own natural scent. We prefer artificial appearances rather than our naturalness. We eat foods not natural for our bodies.

It seems we’re heading in the wrong direction and getting further away from our origin. We are part of nature and if began connecting with our naturalness rather than disconnecting we’d be happier, healthier, and we’d have a lot less insecurities.