Day 34 of My 40 Day Fast: Weed and Spirituality

My journey with weed has been a ride, and it’s taught me a lot.

I love weed. I love how it makes me feel. Weed laughs and giggles are to live for. However, I understand that weed can become toxic when it begins to take control of you. This is hard to recognize when you’re consumed by it.

My first experience with mary jane was in high school, and it had no affect the first couple times. I was doing it wrong. Then one evening I was on my way to a high school dance and a friend pulled out a joint. Convinced I wouldn't feel anything, I joined in on the session. By the time I got to the dance, I felt like I was an observer and life was playing out all around me in slow motion. I had a good time, but the opportunity to smoke wouldn’t arise again until after graduation.

For many teenagers, life after high school is when the partying begins. Our days are free and we come of legal age. I was out with friends smoking weed during the day and drinking and smoking during the night. It got to the point where I wanted to be high rather than sober because life was better that way. If I was chilling at home, I'd get high before settling in to watch a movie. I'd get high before I'd start my shifts at work. I'd get high during my breaks. I loved being high.

When I started college I had to cut down on the smoking. I tried to study while high, but it was impossible. It wasn’t until I started dating my ex, the guy who put a love spell on me, that I stopped. You can read about my journey with him by clicking on the story below.

He wasn't anti-weed, but quite the opposite. He was a stoner. He smoked weed all the time, like more than I did. I love weed and how it makes me feel, but being high around him didn’t feel good. I couldn’t figure out why. When I got high with him, I filled with a sense of dread and it made me paranoid. I’d never experienced that before, and I hated it.

The only occasions I would get high around him was when I was drunk. The alcohol seemed to mellow out the dread. However, getting high with others was still a good time. In retrospect I realize the weed was trying to tell me something, but I had not yet begun my spiritual journey.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend quite a few years after I had left that toxic relationship. He made a very interesting point about weed (he smokes a lot. I suspect it helps balance his undiagnosed ADHD). If weed brings on paranoia, it’s confronting you about something that you are harbouring within. Rather than look into it, people fight the high. I’ve looked into this on a deeper level while high. Perhaps you feel unsafe or not in control, and then you must ask yourself why that is.

Weed became more recreational. I smoked it when I was out with friends, and on occasion when I was chilling out at home.

When I began my healing journey to heal a severe gut disease, I had to let go of alcohol. It was helpful that this was at the height of the pandemic. I concentrated on healing and didn’t smoke weed, though I introduced micro doses of edibles to help my gut. At some point during this journey I decided to stop getting high altogether.

I stayed away from marijuana for 16 months. After 16 months I asked myself if weed was something that I wanted to ban completely from my life. I decided no, as its benefits are far too great. I also just really love weed, but I wanted a healthy relationship with it.

When I got back out into the social scene I found myself using weed as a social crutch. Why do I need something to be social? After some inner work, I told myself that I have much to offer just as I am. I’m fun regardless of whether I'm high or not. If I’m not having fun then I need to rethink who I’m hanging around or the activity that I’m doing.

My relationship with weed has evolved into a spiritual one. I believe that the purpose of marijuana is spirituality. I only micro dose and always set an intention, which is usually spiritual.

If I find myself needing more than the micro dose I’ve set for myself, that means I’ve built a tolerance and need to step away for awhile. Sometimes when I start menstruation, my mental and emotional health takes a dip and micro dosing marijuana really helps. The intention is healing. At times, I will use it recreationally like when I'm enjoying the outdoors. Weed is great for getting in tune with nature, of course I can also do without it.

I only micro dose, and I don’t go above what I've set for myself. I always set an intention, and my intention is never ‘I just feel like getting high.’

I do want to introduce micro dosing edibles back into my routine, as I am healing a severe gut disease. The gut houses endocannabinoid receptors which can be activated with marijuana, though I've learned through experience this is best done infrequently. Weed has a a very calming affect on my mind, so I imagine it will do the same for body.

The war on drugs has sullied marijuana in the eyes of the public, and it's seen as a negative substance. Like many other plant drugs, there are a lot of healing benefits to marijuana that have overlooked for a long time. However, as with any other drug, it is easy to lose self-control and develop an unhealthy and dependent relationship with it. This also makes weed look bad.

Through my experience in spirituality I believe addictions are caused by lower beings, or negative energies. They drive and manipulate people to give in their cravings, so that they are unable to ascend spiritually. Weed is great, but if you’re unable to apply self-control it then becomes a low-vibe activity. If one is trying to get into the high-vibes, one must let go of low-vibe activities. I write about how I raise my vibe in the story below.