My Soups

“You look upset”

“I’m not upset, I’m confused”

“Seems pretty straight forward to me”

“What part? The purple vortex sucking Manhattan into the sky? Or is it the wall of fire raging towards our building?”

“Ya the fire is throwing me off a little, not sure where that came from, we should probably pack some bags”

“Alright, slow down there, the fire is the strange part of all of this to you?”

“That, and the lack of soups in this cupboard, have you been taking my soups to work again?”

“The purple vortex”

“Oh that, Gods just had enough of us”

“There's absolutely no way you could know that”

“Well, I don’t necessarily know that, but like, what else could it be? Could be Satan too I suppose, but I reckon God wouldn’t allow that, thus God must be angry”

“And you’re sure its not aliens? Or some sort of Russian technology? Maybe it’s just some strange weather phenomenon even”

“We only have one can of split pea, so thanks for that. Na if it was aliens we would see space craft, and the Russians would have taken Green Bay”

“Green Bay, you think they would have taken Green Bay?”

“Cheese, toilet paper, beer”

“Ya ok that actually does make some sense”

“Speaking of toilet paper, keep an eye on that thing, i'll be back in a moment”

“An eye on it?! And what in the fuck am I supposed to do about it?”

“Fire extinguisher under the sink honey, don’t panic, you’ll start losing it”

“Jesus Christ”

“I think its too late for that... on account of... you know?”

“Hmm... yes, yes I know”

“Alright good deal, well I’ve got the soups and toilet paper, grab the keys, time to hit the road”

“It wont start”

“Oh dear, I hope I wasn’t sleepwalking again, pop the hood”

“You disconnect the battery to our car in the middle of the night while sleepwalking?!”

“Ya, I was late to work twice last week”

“Oh my God”

“Too late to talk to him too dear, yep damn battery terminals are off again”

“Are you done yet?”

“Yep, give it a try”

“Alright, I guess we’ll head south to my parents and see if we can stay with them, otherwise we can go to Dave and Ashley's place”

“Perfect plan, on a side not I don’t think that little coffee shop on the corner will be in flames yet, we should swing by”

“You seriously want to stop and get coffee at a time like this? Are you insane? And really do you think anyone actually showed up to work today?”

“Well no, but I’ve been feeding the cat that hangs out by the dumpsters old bagels the last few weeks and I wanna make sure its ok”

“Fine, the worlds ending, the hell with it, lets go see your dumpster cat”

“This is why I married you, I knew you would understand”

“Is that it?”

“Yep, there she is”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“I named her Marge, its gonna be really awkward if it’s a male”

“Well go get it”

“What if it tries eating our soups?”

“Your soups will be fine. Go get the fucking cat”

“Alright, ya, ya you’re right”

“Marge is a male”

“Ya I see that now”

“Martin? Marcus? Marvin?”

“Marvin, I like Marvin”

“Well Marvin, welcome to your new family, I hope you don’t mind long car rides”

“He doesn’t I’ve tried taking him home three times already”

“Ughh”